


Meant to Be

by JennieJutsu



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, BoyxBoy, Cute, Humour, Love, M/M, Original Character(s), Romance, Twins, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-30 09:57:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 53,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3932503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennieJutsu/pseuds/JennieJutsu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nate Laird is a 24 year old with no real goals in life. His twin brother, Simon has already settled down with his long-term partner Kyle and Nate can't help but be jealous. But one day, when a young homeless guy falls into Nate's life, things really start to change and a dark secret from the past connects them in ways neither one could have ever imagined... (yaoi, humour, angst)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Same Old Same Old

Chapter One: Same Old Same Old

Nate Laird hung up his jacket on the rickety wall hook and replaced it with an apron around his waist. He bent his knee a few times, trying to loosen it up; a small car accident the previous year meant he had to have surgery on it and it was always worse in the colder weather. Running his hands through his shaggy red hair – a habit he had never been able to kick – he took a deep breath before pushing through the swinging wooden doors that lead to the main area of the coffee shop. He had worked there almost four months now and yet the strong aroma of the coffee beans still made his stomach churn and his nose curl up. 

At six foot three he stood head and shoulders above the rest of the employees - young school girls who worked now and then for pocket money; Nate was 24 and had just finished university, where he studied economics. He had literally spent the last three years of his life in constant boredom, dreaming of the day he would finish and be set free from the confines of economy and money-talk. The only other person not in school was the manager, Lily, and she walked up to him now with a smile plastered on her face, an expression she almost always wore when Nate was around. She was only 2 years older than him and yet somehow had an older air about her, like she was a middle aged woman stuck in a spunky young lady’s body.

“Hey, Natey!” Nate cringed at the nickname but Lily continued, oblivious, “You do know you’re not due in until the late shift, right?” She saw Nate’s expression darken as he realised his mistake but remained chipper, “Don’t worry about it! You can do this one instead. I’ll get Katie to do the late one, she won’t mind.”

That was one good thing about Lily, she wasn’t some evil boss who kept her employees under constant fear of being fired. She was caring, sometimes a little too caring where Nate was involved, but caring nonetheless. He returned her smile and scratched the back of his head absently,

“Thanks, Lily. Sorry.”

“No problem! You can make it up to me at dinner tonight!” She slipped the suggestion in like a wet noodle but Nate was having none of it. He started to turn and mumbled over his shoulder,

“Can’t tonight, I’m washing my cat.” He was lying of course. Cat’s didn’t enjoy being washed. He didn’t even have a cat.

The morning continued as usual; customers came and went, some complaining about the temperature of their beverage or the lack of gluten-free muffins, a pretty uneventful day. At around two-thirty, Nate looked up from behind the counter to see his own face staring back at him, green eyes and all. Well, his own face with slightly less stubble and a small mole beneath the right eye. His twin brother, Simon was standing with his hands leaning on the counter, a huge grin spread across his dorky face,

“What up, lil’ bro!” he attempted to fist-bump Nate but the younger sibling simply stared him down,

“Please never say that again.”

“Noted,” Simon dropped his fist and stood up straight. He was exactly the same height as Nate and had the same crop of shaggy carrot-top, although his was usually coiffed a little better. The grey suit he wore made him look older, however, and somewhat serious, although Nate knew better.

“What brings you to our fine establishment?” Nate asked as he rubbed a glass with a small towel.

“The promise of caffeine and lots of e-numbers,” Simon grinned widely.

“Mhmm…” Nate looked over his brother’s shoulder, searching, “Where’s Kyle?”

“He’s parking the car, won’t be a minute.”

Kyle and Simon had known one another since high school and had been ‘secretly’ dating for years until they’d finally admitted it. Of course, Simon was as good at keeping secrets as he was at ballet and so Nate had known pretty much immediately. He was totally fine with it though, if Simon was in love then that was all there was to it, right? Too bad his father hadn’t seen it that way. Both Simon and Nate had left home pretty soon after Simon came out to their parents, the older one sporting a lovely black eye and broken rib. They were doing fine now though, and Nate had never seen two people so besotted with one another. He was kind of jealous.

“Hey, Nate,” Kyle seemed to pop up out of nowhere and was welcomed by Simon with a soft kiss on the cheek. Nate smiled warmly at their affection but felt the urge to clean the glass he was holding with a little more concentration.

Kyle was a good few inches shorter than Simon but they didn’t look odd; he had short, thick mousy-brown hair, a scattering of freckles across his cheeks and almost always wore his thick-framed glasses over his hazel eyes. The only thing that was a stark difference between the two was the fact that Kyle almost always had a scruffy t-shirt on, smeared with various shades of paint. He was a freelance artist and never seemed to have enough time to change, or perhaps he was making some sort of fashion statement, Nate didn’t know. Either way, he always managed to look somewhat ‘cool’.

“So, what’ll it be, Si? You’re kind of holding up the queue.” Nate put down the glass and motioned for his twin to hurry up and order something. The woman behind the couple was looking more and more agitated and when she saw Simon and Kyle holding hands Nate thought she might spontaneously combust.

Simon seemed to be shaken from a daze as he looked up at the menu, “Hmm…” he grinned as he rubbed his chin quizzically, knowing he was pissing off both his brother and the woman behind, “What’s today’s special, my good man?” he asked in a posh accent, making Kyle chuckle and Nate bite the inside of his cheek to prevent the smile that wanted to present itself.

“We don’t have one. Choose already.”

“Then I will haaaave…” Simon dragged out the word and snuck a glance over his shoulder at the irate woman before finally deciding, “A coffee. Black. To go.”

“Make that two,” Kyle gave Nate a thumbs-up and both he and Simon moved aside so that the woman behind could order.

As she waited for her skinny vanilla latte with skimmed milk, Simon and Kyle studied her closely. They weren’t what you would call ‘stereotypical’ gay men who enjoyed fashion and fine wine, they were pretty much your everyday guys. However, when some poor unfortunate passerby was in their sights, they could put on ‘bitchy’ like a new pair of underwear. 

The woman waiting for her latte was in her late thirties and seemed to have been poured into her pencil skirt and blouse and her tight high-heels were doing nothing for her cankles. She kept glancing over at the couple with a disgusted look and clicked her tongue loudly when Kyle interlaced his fingers with Simon’s. This didn’t go unnoticed. 

Simon leaned into Kyle’s ear and whispered, “She looks like a sausage.”

Kyle started, “What?”

“You know, when they’re shoved into their skin with those machines.” He made a gesture with his hands like his finger was going into a tunnel – a very good example of sausage meat going into the skin if he did say so himself – and was caught by said sausage herself. Kyle flushed beetroot, knowing that the gesture looked in no way innocent and Simon’s bellowing laugh echoed through the shop.

“Well I never!” Sausage-woman snatched her latte from an oblivious Nate and marched out of the coffee shop, her heels clip-clopping angrily.

Nate looked over at his brother, eyebrows raised, “What did you do?”

Simon raised his hands in mock innocence, “Nothing, your honour, I swear!”

“You know, for a lawyer, you’re not very good at lying,” Nate grinned and handed them their drinks.

“You still coming over tonight, bro? Kyle’s burning lasagne,” Simon asked as Kyle pouted slightly.

“Nothing else to do,” Nate shrugged.

“Don’t sound too enthusiastic, Jesus Christ.”

“Hey,” Kyle elbowed his lover in the ribs, “He said he’s coming, be nice.”

Simon rolled his eyes and nodded his head towards where Lily was standing, cleaning up a table, “You can bring someone along if you want to.”

Nate’s eyes followed his brother’s gesture and he shook his head firmly, “No. Nope. Thank you.”

“Shame,” Simon sighed, “You’d make a cute couple.”

“Okay, we’re going now,” Kyle shoved Simon towards the door and saved the younger twin from any more torture. Nate watched them leave, a big smile painted on his face.

“Did I hear someone say ‘lasagne’?” Nate almost dropped the bottle of milk he was holding when Lily appeared behind him. She seemed to teleport rather than walk around, “That’s my favourite!”

“Uh, yeah,” Nate tried to shrug off the question but the woman was practically gnawing at his arm for more information. With a deep sigh the redhead explained that he was going to his brother’s later on.

Lily wasn’t satisfied, she continued with even more vigour, “I’ve never properly met your brother! Is he nice? He must be handsome if he looks like you! What’s his partner’s name? Is he cute too?”

She was not shutting up. Nate excused himself and said he was going for a cigarette break before quickly darting out the back. He flicked on his lighter and inhaled the sweet smoke deeply. Yet another habit he had failed to kick.

After almost five minutes, Nate’s cigarette was long gone and he was starting to shiver from the autumn breeze. It was only late August but the wind was already biting and a coat was necessary if going outside. He turned to go back inside and face the ever-interested Lily but a small cough from further down the alleyway stopped him in his stride. He stepped into the alley and peered towards where the sound had come from before calling out,

“Is someone there?” He immediately regretted shouting out like the stupid protagonist in a horror movie and almost went back inside before another cough echoed down the passage. Nate gritted his teeth and walked up to a doorway, opposite the coffee shop; the light above it was flickering and Nate could just make out the outline of someone crouched down on the steps beneath it.

It was a guy. He looked like a teenager; his blonde hair was matted and there was a fresh cut on his cheek that hadn’t been treated. He looked thin and, when he turned to look at Nate, his blue eyes looked as though he hadn’t stopped crying in days. Nate crouched down beside him, ignoring the sharp pain in his knee, and pushed his own red hair away from his face before speaking quietly, as if to a stray dog,

“Are you okay? Do you need some help?” No response. The boy simply stared at Nate, blue eyes wide and scared. Nate bit his lip, trying to decide if he should call for someone or maybe even just walk away, he wasn’t his problem after all. Something about the boy made his decision for him, though, and he held out his hand tentatively, “You look hungry, shall we get you some food?” The boy shied away from Nate’s hand but he nodded,

“Food would be nice.”

Nate relaxed a little and gestured over his shoulder towards the coffee shop, “I’m sure we can find you something in there, come on.” 

When the boy didn’t move Nate didn’t know what to do next. Did he bring something out to him? A muffin wasn’t exactly going to help his situation. He pushed back his hair again and stood up,

“Come on inside, I can get you something.”

The boy shook his head, making his blonde locks shake from side to side, “I can’t- Too many people…” he was shivering now, all thoughts of food replaced by an indescribable fear of being within a crowd.

Nate bit down harder on his lip, “You’re cold right?” He wasn’t usually one for making such rash decisions but something else seemed to be controlling his body for him. He jogged backwards a little and shouted back to the boy, “Wait here, I’ll be right back.”

Within a minute Nate had replaced his apron with his coat and had told Lily that there was a family emergency he had to take care of. He exited the coffee shop and practically sprinted around the back to get his car, praying that it would start this time. He pulled up at the end of the alleyway two minutes later and stepped out of the car, leaving the engine running. No time to think about what the hell he was doing or why he was doing it.

“Come on,” he held out his hand to the young homeless boy and was met with a terrified gaze, one he’d only seen on rabbits before they’d darted off the road at night.

The boy pulled his knees closer to his chest and frowned suspiciously, “What? Where? I’m not going back there!”

Surprised at his sudden outburst, Nate backed off a little, “Where? I’m not going to take you anywhere… Well, I am going to take you back to my place but not anywhere, you know, scary.”

Blue eyes looked up from under a hood and for the first time, Nate saw his face in the light. He was no more than nineteen, maybe even younger, and the blue of his eyes was like the sky in summer. An old scar marked his angular chin and almost touched his full lips. He was pale, too pale, and dark circles under his eyes confirmed that he hadn’t slept in days. Overall Nate thought that he would be a very handsome guy when he got cleaned up.

“It’s safe, I promise. I’m Nate.” Nate smiled warmly and something inside the boy seemed to melt. He got to his feet and stared at the ground as he spoke,

“Alex. Thank you.”


	2. Decisions

Chapter Two: Decisions

What in God’s name am I doing? Nate gripped the steering wheel with enough force to make his knuckles turn white and stared at the road ahead like he was trying to decipher the Da Vinci code, anything to keep his eyes from wandering over to the young homeless guy’s cute face. CUTE?! He swerved slightly and saw Alex’s hand grip the seat tighter. At this rate he was going to give the poor guy a heart attack. Nate breathed deeply and stopped at a red light; he turned to look at Alex, who had removed his hood once inside the car.

“My house isn’t far from here.”

Alex looked at him, blue eyes wide, “Okay.”

Nate cleared his throat, “Do you want to stop at Burger King or something?” Wonderful, yes, there’s a nutritious place to eat. He silently scolded himself.

“No.”

The redhead was still staring at Alex when the lights turned green and the car behind had to beep before Nate realised. He sped off a little too fast, cursing under his breath. He still didn’t know why he’d decided to take the youngster home. Something in his brain had just forced him to take care of Alex once he’d seen his face. It was as though someone else had been controlling his body and before he could do anything about it, Alex was already in his car, on the way to his house. Alex could obviously see Nate’s inner turmoil and spoke up, a blankness clouding his face,

“You don’t have to take me to your house, you know. You could drop me off right now.” He didn’t look away from the windscreen as he spoke.

Nat stopped mid-argument inside his head and turned to look at his passenger, “No. Of course I won’t do that. You’re coming home with me.” He watched as Alex’s expression turned to one of worry,

“Do I have to… do anything?” His cheeks flushed a little as he asked.

“’Do’?” Nate’s eyes widened as the realisation of the question hit him, “No! No, of course not!” God, what had this kid been through exactly? It was a question he wasn’t sure he wanted the answer to.

The rest of the journey was spent in silence; now and then Nate glanced over at Alex but he didn’t dare look for more than a couple of seconds in case he got caught. Once he pulled into his driveway, Alex was snoring softly in the passenger seat. Nate prodded the sleeping boy’s shoulder softly and the blonde’s eyes shot open. For a moment, Nate thought Alex was going to hit him but he managed to control himself and quickly got out of the car. He stared at Nate’s house as the redhead fumbled for his keys and then waited to be invited inside once Nate had the door open.

Nate kicked off his shoes, Alex doing the same, and gestured to the living room, “Make yourself at home. There’s a bathroom and spare bedroom down the hall so you can go clean yourself up if you want,” Nate gestured towards the cut on Alex’s cheek, “I’ve got some antiseptic wipes too if you need some.”

Alex muttered a ‘thanks’ and made his way down the hall. Nate’s house wasn’t exactly huge but it wasn’t cramped either; the hallway was quite narrow and Alex could see a study and another small living space through two open doors. Once at the end of the hall, he stepped into the small bedroom and took off his big coat, wincing as it caught the gash on his cheek. There was a wardrobe and a set of drawers on one side of the room and a window on the other, which overlooked a square-shaped garden, complete with tool shed.

The bed was covered in a pale blue duvet and looked so inviting, Alex could have flopped on it and slept right there and then but he didn’t want to sully the sheets with his dirty clothes. Instead he went into the bathroom opposite and started to strip off before entering the shower. The warm water ran through his matted hair and he smiled as it washed over his aching body, releasing the tension that had built up over the past few weeks. It felt like forever since he’d had a shower or even felt the pleasure of warm water running over his skin, and it felt like paradise. He stayed there, completely zoned out from the rest of the world.

Meanwhile, Nate was flapping about in the kitchen. He had decided to make something to eat but what he didn’t know. He opened the cupboards and stared at the raw ingredients like they were his opponent in the gladiator’s ring.

“Pasta? No, too much… Chicken? Everyone likes chicken, right?” He ran his hands through his hair and decided it would be best to just ask Alex what he wanted. He turned on his heel and made his way to the spare bedroom, peering through the door carefully so as not to scare the poor kid any more. He wasn’t there. That’s when he heard the shower running and instinctively turned to look towards the bathroom door, expecting to have to shout through it. It was wide open. Nate got a good eyeful of Alex’s naked self in the shower and was so busy staring in wonder that he didn’t realise Alex was staring back.

“Seen enough?” Alex turned so that he was looking straight-on and put his hands on his hips. He could practically see the steam coming off Nate’s bright red face as the redhead slapped a hand over his eyes,

“Sorry! I didn’t realise the door was open!” he turned to walk back down the hall and face-planted the doorframe, “Ow! Fuck me!”

“No thanks,” Alex’s voice was suddenly by Nate’s side and, as he removed his hand from his blushing face, Nate was thankful that the blonde had at least found a towel to wrap around his lower half. His theory about Alex being handsome under all that dirt was confirmed as he looked at Nate with a raised eyebrow, 

“Um, do you have anything I could wear?” Alex fidgeted with the towel around his waist, “My clothes are kind of…”

“Sure! Sure, that’s fine!” The older man rubbed his bruised forehead and pointed towards the wardrobe behind him, “There should be some shirts and joggers in there. Let me know if they’re too big or whatever.” He turned to leave and then realised he should probably ensure his new houseguest that he wasn’t a complete perv, “Oh, and sorry for you know, seeing you… naked and stuff.” He started to feel his cheeks heat up again.

“No big deal,” Alex smiled for the first time since they’d met, “I’ve had worse.”

“Right. Good. Well not good, I mean… Yeah. Bye,” he left Alex alone in the bedroom and made his way back to the kitchen, only then realising that he hadn’t asked him what he would like to eat.

After about ten minutes, Alex entered the kitchen wearing one of Nate’s larger shirts and some grey jogging bottoms. Nate almost choked on the cup of coffee he was drinking as he took in the sight; the shirt was at least two sizes too big for Alex and the bottoms of the joggers had been rolled up a few times due to how long they were. He looked like a kid in his father’s clothes. Alex stood at 5’ 10’’, a good few inches shorter than Nate, and was underweight for his height – Nate could see his collar bones clearly through the shirt.

Alex sat down at the small table, opposite Nate, and started to roll up the cuffs of the shirt as they were covering his hands. He tucked a loose strand of wet hair behind his ear and forced a smile,

“Thanks for the clothes and… everything.”

“No problem,” Nate got to his feet and opened his arms widely, like some sort of property tycoon, “Welcome to my house!” his toothy grin disappeared quickly at Alex’s confused expression and he continued in a more sombre tone after clearing his throat, “What would you like to eat? I have lots of, er, food… Or takeaway, we could order something?”

“Pizza?”

“Pizza it is.” Nate called in the order and excused himself before going for a shower, leaving Alex to his own devices in the kitchen. 

The phone rang a couple of times when Nate was in the shower but Alex guessed it would just be some cold-callers or something and decided to occupy himself with making some tea. He was never a fan of coffee, it reminded him of his foster father a little too much and that was not someone he wanted to be constantly reminded of. So tea was the next best thing. He was pouring the boiling water into a mug with pigs on it when he heard the front door open.

“I’m telling you, Si, he probably just fell asleep or something,” Kyle adjusted his glasses as his lover burst through the front door like some sort of man possessed. His green eyes were burning in their sockets as he glared around the living room,

“I’m not mad that he didn’t turn up, I’m mad that you went to all that effort and he couldn’t be bothered to make up an excuse as to why he didn’t turn up!” Simon, Nate’s twin, took Kyle’s chin in his hand and kissed him on the lips firmly, a sure fire way to shut the smaller man up for a few seconds, and then stood up straight, “NATE! Where are you?!”

Kyle rolled his eyes, used to his lover’s spurts of temper by now, and plonked himself down on the sofa. He planned to wait out the argument that was bound to follow.

In the kitchen, Alex was frozen to the spot. Had he really just gotten free of that awful place, only to be brought to somewhere just as bad? The mug of water in his hand was trembling as the tall ginger man strode into the room.

Simon glared at Alex, “The fuck are you?”

Alex didn’t respond. He simply stared at the taller man, eyes as wide as dinner plates.

“You robbing Nate?!” Simon’s ‘protective older brother’ mode had been switched on high and he started to walk around the kitchen table. Alex managed to muster up enough movement to keep at the opposite side of it. “I asked you a question!”

Alex swallowed loudly and, voice trembling like his hands, mumbled a response, “You- You brought me here, remember?” He didn’t know what Nate was on, but he was certainly not in his right mind. How could he have forgotten who he was when he’d only just spoken to him twenty minutes ago?

“Put that pig mug down!”

Alex’s blonde eyebrows knitted together, “Wh- What?”

Simon’s voice was getting louder, “The pig mug! It’s mine, put it down!”

As an instinctive reaction to the man’s bellowing voice, Alex did exactly as he was told. His fingers opened and he put the mug ‘down’, all the way to the floor. It smashed loudly and he was too damn scared to even feel the splash of boiling water on his bare feet. It was Simon’s turn to be the shocked one; his jaw dropped open and he simply stared at the shards of pig faces on the floor.

“Jesus wept!” his hands balled into fists, “Do you know how long I’ve had that fuck-faced mug you fuck-faced arse-su-“

“Simon!”

Simon turned at the sound of his brother’s voice. Nate saw him physically relax as he saw that his twin was safe and sound but his shoulder’s stiffened once more and he jabbed a finger towards Alex,

“Little twat’s trying to steal your stuff!”

Nate glanced at a now terrified Alex and then back at his brother, “He’s not a thief! I invited him!” He stepped over the broken shards of mug and held out a hand to touch Alex’s shoulder. The younger man flinched back and wrapped his arms tight around his chest. Nate turned back to his brother, his own anger now flaring, “Will you just go into the other room!”

Simon realised his mistake and his anger quickly simmered down, leaving him flushed and more than a little embarrassed at his outburst. He turned to leave the kitchen only to come face to face with Kyle, who looked like a mother about to scold her child. Simon’s shoulders sagged and he scratched the back of his head,

“I thought he was a burglar.”

“Sometimes you’re such an idiot,” Kyle grabbed Simon’s sleeve and led him back into the living room, leaving the other two men alone in the kitchen.

Nate sighed as he started to pick up the broken pieces of porcelain from the floor, careful not to cut himself on any of it. He put the shards in the bin and then turned back to look more closely at Alex, who was still trembling,

“Sorry about my brother,” Nate gestured for Alex to sit down and he did so, “Are you alright?”

The blonde nodded and looked up at the redhead, his eyes watery with unshed tears, “I- I thought he was you. Scared me a bit.”

“Yeah, we get that a lot. Not the scaring part, the mix-up,” Nate smiled, “I’m clearly the better looking one though, right?”

Alex smirked and then winced at the pain in his feet, “Ow…” He brought them out from under the table and gawked at the red blotches covering them, “Shit.”

“I’ll get a cold compress,” Nate said as he grabbed a tea towel and ran it under the cold tap. He knelt down beside Alex and started to press the cool towel against his feet; they weren’t too badly burnt, thankfully, but they would be sore for a couple of days, “They won’t scar, don’t worry,” Nate said softly.

“Doesn’t matter if they do,” Alex shrugged as he stared at the table.

Before Nate could question him any more, Kyle stepped into the kitchen, followed by a downtrodden Simon who had a look on his face that said ‘no treats for me tonight’. He stepped over to the table and took a seat opposite Alex,

“Sorry about that, mate,” he drew circles on the tablecloth with his finger as he spoke, “I was just worried about my brother, that’s all.” Kyle stood beside him, a hand on his shoulder, perhaps for reassurance or perhaps to make sure he apologised properly, Alex couldn’t tell.

“S’ok,” Alex shrugged and the corner of his mouth curled up, “You were just being protective. It was… nice of you.”

Simon’s face lit up and he looked up at Kyle as though waiting for a thumbs-up or some sort of ‘you’re off the hook’ parade. No such luck. Kyle simply squeezed his shoulder more,

“Yeah, well,” Simon stumbled over his words, “I overreacted.”

“Sorry about your mug,” Alex tucked his legs back under the table as Nate got to his feet.

“It doesn’t matter about the bloody mug, right Si?” Nate gave his twin a look that told him not to disagree and Simon nodded obediently,

“Sure, no problem. It was just a present from my Dad, that’s all.”

Alex’s blue eyes widened at the comment and a single tear rolled down his pale face. He quickly swiped it away with his sleeve but it didn’t go unnoticed by the other men in the room. 

Nate could see Alex was becoming more and more agitated and ushered Kyle and Simon into the living room so that they were out of Alex’s earshot, and Nate explained the situation.

“So you just brought him here, no questions?” Simon looked extremely puzzled.

Nate nodded, “Yeah… Don’t ask why because I have no clue.”

Simon put a hand on his brother’s shoulder, “Nate, this isn’t like all those half-dead birds and stuff you used to bring home. This is a guy, he could be anybody!”

“He’s not-” Nate blushed at himself for snapping and bit his lip, “He’s fine, okay? I know what I’m doing.” His brother sighed and Kyle turned for the door,

“Come on, Simon. Nate says he knows what he’s doing.”

Reluctantly, Simon followed his love and gave his twin a wordless look that said ‘I hope you’re right’ before leaving him alone with the stranger.


	3. Things Forgotten

Chapter Three: Things Forgotten

Nate watched Kyle and his brother leave and both he and Alex moved into the living room. Alex sat awkwardly on the larger sofa, perched on the end of the seat like he was ready to take flight at any moment. His toes were curled under his feet and he was gripping the cushion with such force that Nate thought he might actually poke a hole in it, sending stuffing flying through the air. The redhead sat on the two-seater sofa on the adjacent wall and closed his eyes, sighing deeply. When he opened them again, Alex was still in the same stiff position.

“Sorry about my brother,” Nate leaned back into the soft cushions, “He has this whole ‘older brother’ complex and, well, a bit of a temper. He’s a pussycat really.”

Alex relaxed a little, finally letting go of the poor defenceless sofa cushions, “It’s alright. I feel bad about his mug though, I didn’t mean to smash it.”

“No big deal,” Nate’s expression darkened slightly, “Our Dad gave it to him. Don’t really know why he’d want to keep it anyway, it doesn’t exactly hold fond memories.”

The blonde had unintentionally leaned back a little, now more interested in Nate’s father than the fact that he was in a stranger’s house and had almost been beaten to a pulp by said stranger’s brother. He looked at Nate with sparkling blues,

“Was your father…” he trailed off, not knowing what he really wanted to ask, let alone how much Nate would actually divulge.

“He was a bastard,” Nate practically growled, causing Alex’s hands to once again grip the cushions. It didn’t go unnoticed by the older man and Nate forced himself to continue with less malice, “Don’t get me wrong, he was a great Dad when we were growing up; playing with us, making tree-houses and shit…” he ran his hands through his still-damp hair – a habit Alex had already picked up on – and continued, “When he found out about Si, though-“

“-That he was gay?” Alex pulled the large shirt he was wearing tighter around his chest as Nate nodded,

“Yeah. Dad just lost it. Said ‘no son of his was going to be some prissy fag’. Then he-“ his hands balled into fists, knuckles white, “-He beat him. Fuck, it’s a wonder Si had the strength left to walk out.”

Alex’s blonde brows shot up, “Simon didn’t fight back?” He found it hard to believe after his first encounter with the older twin.

Nate laughed, a humourless sound more like a croak, “Nah, he adored Dad, worshipped him. Still does, I don’t know why. The only way I could get him to leave was to say that I was in danger. Can you believe that?! Daft sod.” Nate shook his head and smiled. It soon faded, however, and he looked at Alex guiltily, “Shit, sorry. I should’ve saved that for Jeremy Kyle.”

“That’s okay,” Alex smiled softly and then almost fell off the couch as someone knocked on the door.

“That’ll be the pizza!” Nate rubbed his hands together and bounded to the door like a puppy, the last conversation a distant memory.

 

Once they both had their food, Nate joined Alex on the larger sofa so that they could both see the television. Neither man was taking much interest in the show, however, and Nate was feeling more and more awkward as time passed. He decided he should probably know a bit more about his new lodger,

“So, Alex,” the blonde froze, a slice of pizza halfway to his lips, “You have a surname?”

Alex nodded and took a huge bite of the pizza before answering through a mouthful, all manners forgotten for now, “Smith.”

Nate made a face that said ‘really?’ and then cleared his throat, “Do you mind if I ask why you were sleeping rough?” He immediately regretted asking the question as he watched Alex’s eyes darken and his chewing grind to a halt. He snapped his pizza box shut and got to his feet quickly, staring at the TV as he spoke,

“I’m tired, gonna go to bed.”

Nate opened his mouth to apologise and explain that he didn’t have to answer if he didn’t want to but Alex was already gone.

“Nice one, Laird,” he grumbled to himself as he shoved another slice into his mouth.

 

It was almost three in the morning and Nate reckoned he’d had about thirty minutes sleep at the most. His knee had been bothering him all day and now that he wasn’t busying himself with other things, there was a distinct stabbing pain running through his entire leg. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, grimacing slightly as his knee twisted.

“Some Aspirin is what you need,” he patted his knee and forced himself to his feet.

Making his way downstairs was easier said than done; the spare bedroom that Alex was sleeping in was right next to the staircase and so Nate had decided not to turn on any light in case he woke him up. He made it to the kitchen and flicked on the light, surely this one wouldn’t reach down the hall, before scavenging some Aspirin and swallowing them with a big gulp of milk. 

He turned back to the fridge to put the milk away and grab some cold pizza, the smell too good to resist, when he heard a small moan. Now Nate wasn’t one to believe in ghosts or anything remotely supernatural but, by jingo, if that didn’t sound like the moan of some desperate soul.

Being the ‘adult’ that he was, however, and knowing that the moan could also belong to some six-foot seven burglar with a gun, Nate grabbed the nearest weapon – a colander – and stalked through the archway into the dark living room.

“Right, ya’ wanker,” he mumbled as he shuffled through the darkness, “I’m going to bash your brains in.”

He took a final deep breath and flicked on the light, revealing the owner of the spectral moaning. Alex. The young lad was sound asleep on the couch, face down and one arm hanging over the edge. He looked like a sailor on a piece of driftwood, floating through a still ocean, the only thing out of place the tortured expression on his thin face. He’d removed the sweatpants but was still wearing the too-big shirt he’d borrowed and Nate couldn’t push away the thought that he looked much better in it than he did. 

Nate watched as Alex’s frown deepened and his eyes scrunched tighter and wondered what exactly this guy had been through that would follow him into his dreams. Before he could dwell on it further, Alex’s eyes fluttered open and he frowned up at Nate,

“I don’t want to go to school today, Miss Bradley, the boys are mean!”

Nate’s eyebrows sank, did he look like a woman now?! He thought it best to play along, rather than frighten Alex to death, though.

“You don’t have to,” he spoke softly and instinctively ran a hand through Alex’s tangled hair, “Go back to sleep.”

Alex did as he was told and drifted back into what looked like a much more serene slumber. Nate turned off the lights and returned to his room where it still took another hour for him to fall asleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about how nice it felt to run his hands through Alex’s hair.

¬¬¬¬  
When morning finally came, Nate was not ready to welcome it; his alarm buzzed manically on his bedside table and it took him three attempts to shut the bloody thing up. 6:30am was not his favourite time of day and it certainly didn’t help that he’d only gotten about three hours sleep.

In the kitchen, Alex was frying some bacon and listening to a radio station that was almost definitely aimed at middle-aged women who still believed that Patrick Swayze was going to sweep them off their feet. The general theme of the songs seemed to be ‘getting the girl’, quite threatening if you thought about it. He was so zoned out that he didn’t hear Nate shuffle in behind him.

“Smells good,” the redhead yawned loudly, his eyes closed when Alex’s shoulder’s stiffened in shock.

The shorter guy turned around with the spatula still in his hand, raised slightly as if ready to attack, and his voice caught in his throat when he took in Nate’s appearance: Nate was wearing only his pyjama bottoms, his chest and defined torso bare. His bright ginger hair, which looked even more pronounced in the glaring morning sun, was sticking up in various directions like he’d stuck his fingers in a wall socket. Dark circles loomed under his emerald eyes and he looked like he was about to drift back into sleep at any given moment. Alex didn’t realise he was staring until Nate spoke up,

“You alright?”

“You look-“

“Like shit? Yeah,” Nate sat down at the table and stretched out his long legs beneath it, “Knee was giving me jip last night.”

Alex was about to ask what was wrong with his knee but another loud yawn escaped Nate’s lips and he seemed much more preoccupied with a circular stain on the table. The blonde returned to his bacon, now nothing more than a crispy mess, and plated it up, offering one plate to his host before pouring some coffee for him too.

“Thanks,” Nate’s nose curled up at the aroma of the drink but he downed it nonetheless.

Alex sat opposite him and started to butter some toast as Nate spoke, a little more animated now that the caffeine was flowing through his veins,

“So, I came downstairs last night and noticed you were on the couch…”

“Yeah… I felt too comfortable on the bed, couldn’t sleep,” he looked up at Nate with a slight blush on his cheeks, “God, that sounds so stupid.”

“No, no I get it, makes sense,” the redhead’s mouth turned up slightly, “Next time let me know beforehand, though. I thought you were a bloody burglar!”

“I get that a lot,” Alex smirked.

“I was going to bat you one, too.”

Alex was grinning now, “I wondered why the colander was out! Were you going to sieve me to death?” They both burst into laughter and finished their cremated bacon in silence, enjoying the small bond that shared-laughter could create. Once finished, Alex offered to wash-up, liking the feeling that he was somehow paying for his stay, even if it wasn’t with actual money, as Nate got dressed for work. 

Alex was in the living room watching some show about restoring homes when Nate said that he was off to work. He was wearing his black shirt and trousers and had his brown name badge on and spoke as he tied his shoes,

“I’ll be back about three, feel free to eat whatever’s in the fridge or go out and get something. There’s some money in the cat jar above the oven. Oh, and you can borrow more clothes if you need to,” Nate grabbed his wallet and car keys and opened the front door, “Just leave the keys under the plant pot beside the door if you do go out, no one will rob the place, there’s nothing to steal.” He smiled and turned to leave but paused as he registered Alex’s expression, “What is it?”

Alex wet his lips with his tongue, “I’ll make sure I’m gone when you get back.”

Nate frowned and turned to face him, “What? Why?”

“You’ve been really nice and everything…” Alex’s bright blue eyes were seemingly stuck to the floor and Nate could see his bottom lip quivering, “I’ll make sure I tidy up too.” He looked up at Nate, who had moved slightly closer, and his eyes welled with tears as he bit his lips in an attempt to stop them giving away his emotions.

Nate could practically feel his own heart cracking as the younger, shorter guy in his living room tried to keep his emotions in check. It wasn’t a decision he physically made when his long arms encased Alex, it was more like he had become a magnet and Alex was the shiniest, strongest piece of metal in the universe. He hugged him close, ignoring the fact that he could feel Alex’s entire body stiffen at the sudden contact, and rested his chin on top of Alex’s blonde hair. When he finally let go, Alex looked like he couldn’t decide if he was in utter shock or about to burst into tears.

“This wasn’t just a thing I did on a whim, Alex,” Nate stepped back a little, giving him some space, “You can stay as long as you need to. In fact, I’d like you to stay, okay?”

Alex remained silent and simply nodded, not accustomed to such kindness.

“Good. Right…” Now Nate was the one who was speechless. He ran his hand through his tousled hair and stepped through the front door, now aware that it had been open the whole time and anyone could see in. “I’ll be off then. See you at three?”

Alex used his sleeve to wipe away a stray tear and nodded firmly, “I’ll be here.”

Those three words sent more elation through Nate than he would like to admit and he left the house with a ridiculous grin on his face.

Behind the closed front door, Alex’s tears were running freely, but not because he was sad. No, these were happy tears.


	4. The Coming Storm

Chapter Four: The Coming Storm

To say that it was raining would be an understatement. The heavens seemed to have opened and decided to spill forth every drop of water to have ever graced the Earth. Nate watched through the car window as people scuttled into shop doorways and used various objects as shelter; briefcases, carrier bags, their first born. The weather had changed so dramatically and quickly that no one was prepared, even Nate had forgotten his coat, although that could have been due to the fact that he had spontaneously hugged his new roomie. He swallowed dryly at the very sharp memory as he pulled into the car park beside the coffee shop.

With the grace of an injured antelope, Nate darted through the car park, into the coffee shop and shook his soaked hair like a dog, much to the dismay of nearby customers. He smiled meekly and made his way into the back room where he put on his apron and used a towel to pat himself down.

“Natey-Watey!” The voice was unmistakable. Lily. 

She waved him into the storeroom, her brown bobbed hair bouncing, and he begrudgingly stepped into the confined space with her. Tins of coffee lined the walls, along with two large fridges full to the brim with milk and in the very corner of the room, a cardboard cut-out of Mel Gibson. Why Mel was there was a total mystery to Nate but he’d never found the opportune moment to ask about it. Maybe now was the time. First, however, he had to see what Lily wanted.

“You’re soaked, poor thing!” She lifted her hand to pat his head but realised too late that she couldn’t reach and brought it down to rest on his chest, “I need you to work a bit later today, Penny has the flu.” Nate’s annoyance must have shown on his face because Lily was talking again before he could respond, “Sorry for the late notice but no one else is available.” Her hand was still resting on his damp shirt and in the small room Nate could smell her perfume as Lily tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

His shoulders slumped and he nodded, knowing there was no way out of it, “Alright. No problem.” His thoughts turned to Alex and how he would be waiting for Nate at three, “Ah, I need to make a phone call!”

Before he could dash off, Lily grabbed his wrist and planted a large tin of coffee into his hands, “No time!” she waved a well-manicured hand towards the main shop, “We’re super busy today because of the rain! Go! Serve people!”

And that was how the day continued; customer after customer and no minute spare to make his phone call. By three o’clock, Nate had forgotten all about letting Alex know that he would be late home and instead was busy mopping up spilled milkshake. That’s when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

“Hey, Nate!” It was Kyle, his brother’s partner. His glasses were steamed up and his scruffy hair was speckled with drops of paint, much like his t-shirt.

Nate smiled and stopped mopping, “Hiya! You alright?”

Kyle took off his glasses and started to wipe them with his shirt, frowning when paint transferred onto the lenses, “Not too bad, thanks.” He was always a little more reserved when Simon wasn’t around, something that Nate knew his brother found utterly adorable when he told him about it.

“Want something to drink?”

Kyle nodded, still concentrating on his now-green tinted glasses. As Nate started the coffee machine he stared into it’s reflective surface, his mind wandering for a brief moment. What if it had been me Kyle had fallen for? I look the same as Simon… The thought brought a grin to his lips and he snorted, yeah right, they were meant to be. 

He turned back and handed Kyle his coffee; the shorter man had put his glasses back on but was struggling to see through the green smudges and almost knocked the cup of coffee off the counter. Nate caught it before it fell and desperately tried to think of something to start a conversation, he didn’t want to be standing in an awkward silence for however long Kyle was going to stay.

“So-“ the redhead’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat, a blush forming on his cheeks, “So, where’s Si?” Maybe the mention of his brother’s name would somehow summon him here to dispel the awkwardness.

“Having a smo-“ Kyle snapped his mouth shut. He knew Nate despised Simon smoking - what he didn’t know was that Nate ignored his own advice and smoked when he felt stressed - and he was usually smart enough not to mention it. Maybe the smudge on his glasses was clouding his mind, too.

Nate gritted his teeth, “Oh, really?”

The glass door swung open and the little bell above it jingled merrily as the older Laird twin stepped into the shop. He looked fed up; his top half seemed to have remained somewhat dry but his trousers had soaked up the moisture from the ground and his shoes squelched as he stepped towards the counter. He saluted Nate nonchalantly and placed a soft kiss atop of Kyle’s damp hair. He frowned at his love and gestured to the green smudge on his lens,

“The fuck is that?”

“Paint.”

“And where have you been?” Nate had his best ‘accusing mother’ voice plugged in.

Simon noticed instantly but tried to play it cool, “Parking the car?” The small infliction in his tone made it into a question and his red eyebrows twitched as he waited for his brother’s response.

“Was this car small and cylindrical and deadly?”

Simon looked down at Kyle, who shrugged apologetically, and then turned back to Nate, “You do it too!”

Nate frowned, “Not as a habit! Just when I need one!”

“It was one little fag, okay!” he looked at his partner again and smirked, “Not to be mistaken with this one.” The comment made the other two men grin and Simon knew he was off the hook, “Anyway, you should be consoling me!”

Nate puffed out his cheeks, a little upset that he wasn’t going to be able to scold him now, “Why?”

“Bastard umbrella folded in on me! I was standing out there like a fucking traffic cone!”

Nate and Kyle burst into laughter and Lily wandered over to see what was happening, woe betide anyone should have fun without her,

“Ah, you must be Nate’s brother!” she peered up at Simon like he was a piece in a museum and his bright eyes peered back,

“No, not me. I’m just a random guy who happens to look exactly like him.”

“Oh, you,” she held out her hand and Simon shook it, encasing her tiny one in his huge paw, “I’m Lily, Nate’s manager, nice to meet you!”

“He’s mentioned you,” Simon winked at Nate, which produced a small groan from the latter, and watched as Lily’s face turned a shade not unlike the twins’ hair,

“He has?” She looked like she was going to start growing a tail so that she could wag it. Nate had to stop this before it went any further down a track that he didn’t like the look of,

“I said you were my manager, that’s it.” He started to make his way around the counter in an attempt to ferry his brother away as Simon continued sliding the knife in,

“He said you were his ‘sexy’ manager, right Nate?”

With more force than was perhaps necessary, Nate shoved Simon away from the counter and Lily and grumbled into his ear, “I’m going to tell Kyle about your stuffed panda collection in my attic if you keep going.” He heard a click in Simon’s throat as he swallowed and then watched as his head nodded briskly, “Good boy.”

Thankfully some more rain-soaked customers came in to busy Lily and she said Nate could have a quick break. He sat at a table by the window; Simon and Kyle sat opposite him on the comfier bench, backs to the glass. There wasn’t anything in particular that Nate wanted to talk about, and if there was one thing he hated it was small talk. Instead, he stared out at the street, at people scurrying out of the rain and then at the raindrops themselves as they slithered down the window like they were shaking their none-existent hips to some silent beat. A streak of lightening split the dark sky overhead and a moment later the loud rumbling of thunder began. It sounded like a snoring bear and Nate felt it in his chest as it grew closer.

Beside Simon, Kyle seemed to freeze. His eyes bulged behind his green-tinged spectacles and he gripped the table like it was an organ and he was about to play some ‘Phantom of the Opera’-type piece. Nate tried not to stare as Simon silently peeled one of Kyle’s trembling hands from the table and threaded his fingers through his own, a gesture than somehow melted Kyle from his frozen state slightly. The redhead leaned into Kyle and spoke gently,

“We can go now if you want?”

Kyle nodded stiffly, eyes still bugging out, and Simon got to his feet,

“We’ll be off then,” he pulled Kyle on to his feet, a comical sort of movement that looked like he was some sort of ragdoll Simon was dragging along, “See you later.”

Nate waved as they left and continued to stare out into the storm. Everything was a dull shade of grey, not blue like artists portrayed water, but bland, boring grey. No blues. No blue. Blue. Like blue eyes. Alex’s bright blue eyes.

“Ah, cock!” Nate scrambled to his feet and dashed into the back room to get his phone. It was almost four thirty and he could have kicked himself for forgetting to ring Alex. The poor lad was probably sitting like a right melon waiting for him to get home. 

With clumsy hands, Nate opened his locker only to realise that he hadn’t brought his coat, his coat with his phone in. He slapped his hand to his forehead and moved into the hallway to use the landline. That’s when the lights went out. Ignoring the lack of visibility, Nate fumbled for the phone and pressed it to his ear only to hear a whole lot of nothing. He stared at the handset for a moment in disgust and showed it the bird before slamming it back down. He was debating whether to ask to leave early (again) when a small knock on the back door made him turn.

Nate opened the rarely-used door, expecting a delivery man to be standing with a crate of mangos or other such item, and was instead faced with a soaked-to-the-bone, dishevelled young man in an oversized shirt that was practically see-through. Alex.

“Alex?” It was all Nate could manage as he stared at the drowned rat before him. Alex looked up at him, bright blue eyes rimmed with water droplets; his nose was red and he kept sniffing loudly as he stared. After almost a minute of mutual staring, Alex pointed a dripping hand beyond Nate,

“Can I come in?”

“Shit! Of course!” Nate pulled him inside and slammed the door behind him, making sure he locked it properly. He grabbed a towel from the rack and started to rub Alex down quickly, like he would melt if he let him remain wet for much longer. Once he’d finished he handed Alex another towel and he dried his blonde hair, which was sticking to his forehead and cheeks. He sneezed as Nate ushered him into the staff room.

Nate made his lodger a large cup of tea and Alex took it thankfully, his shaking hands wrapped around the cup as he inhaled its sweet scent,

“Thanks.”

Nate watched him carefully and sat beside him on the threadbare sofa, “Why are you here?”

Alex took a sip of the hot tea and turned to look at Nate, “You didn’t come back.” He didn’t say it as an accusation, more of a fact, like it was bound to happen.

Nate cursed himself internally, “I’m so sorry! I was literally just about to call you but the lines were dead and I forgot my mobile…” the excuses came pouring out and, even though they were legitimate, even to Nate they sounded like lies.

Alex shrugged and took another sip, “I was going to make something to eat for when you got back but I couldn’t find the wok so I came to ask you where it was.” With what must have looked like the most ridiculous expression, Nate muttered a ‘huh’ as Alex continued, “I didn’t want to use your money, you’ve done enough already, so I walked.”

“You what?!” Nate had assumed that Alex had gotten drenched walking from the bus stop but he’d actually walked all the way from the house? He must have set off at exactly 3 o’clock to be there now. Was he that eager to see me? He looked at the younger man now and nipped the damp shirt between his thumb and forefinger, “Why didn’t you wear a coat? It’s been raining all day!”

“I didn’t want to use your stuff again… I felt bad!” Alex sniffed once more and continued drinking his tea as Nate mulled over what he was saying.

The redhead slapped a hand to Alex’s thigh and chuckled,

“You can use whatever you want, whenever you want. Okay? What’s mine is yours and all that jazz.” He pondered for a moment and then added, “That’s what friends do.”

Alex’s cheeks pinked at the statement and he smiled broadly, “We’re friends?”

“Duh,” Nate grinned and ruffled the blonde’s hair, an action that made Alex’s jaw clench.

“There you are!” Lily marched into the staff room with her hands on her hips and an exasperated look on her face. She’d obviously been run ragged out in the shop, “What are you doing? I need you out there, Natey!”

The nickname didn’t go unnoticed by Alex and he shrank back a little, concentrating on the cup in front of him rather than the deranged-looking lady. Nate got to his feet slowly, noticing his knee twitch as he did so, and stood over Lily,

“I was helping a friend.”

Lily peered around Nate’s lanky frame to look at Alex but he still didn’t meet her gaze,

“Oh, well,” Lily straightened her apron and tapped a pointed finger on Nate’s nose, “Abbey’s arrived for her shift now so you can go home if you want.” She wiggled her fingers at Alex before turning for the door, “Nice to meet you!”

Once she’d left, Alex put down his tea and stood up beside Nate; he frowned up at him and pouted slightly, “Was that your girlfriend?”

Nate made a face not unlike a rat caught in a trap and shook his head, ginger hair swishing side to side, “God, no.”

Despite himself, Alex smiled.


	5. Black Out

Chapter Five: Black Out

Instead of waiting for the rain to let up, Nate and Alex decided to make a mad dash for the car in the downpour. As neither one of them had a coat, they were soaked through within seconds and, when they finally got into the car, the seats felt soggy beneath them. Nate tried his best to sort out his mop of hair in the rear-view mirror whilst Alex fought the urge to wring out his shirt right there and then.

With dripping fingers, Nate turned on the heaters and started the car after massaging his knee a few times; it was really starting to ache and it didn’t help that his trousers were now somewhat moulded to his legs. He turned out of the car park and onto the main roads where the traffic moved at a snail’s pace because of the low visibility. The window wipers swished back and forth rapidly, momentarily mesmerising Alex, and the lights from other cars bounced off the wet windows like some sort of private disco in Nate’s car. The redhead desperately wanted to break the ever-growing silence and blurted the first thing that popped into his mind,

“Pissing down.” 

Brilliant. Move over Tarantino, there’s a new wordsmith in town.

Alex nodded silently.

After another twenty minutes of waiting in traffic jams and avoiding overflowing gutters, the silence was weighing on the two males like a heavy, wet blanket. Neither man wanted it to continue but neither could think of something to say that didn’t involve the weather. It was only when the two cars in front swerved and collided with the hard shoulder that Nate finally spoke up. He slammed on the brakes, his knee protesting at the sudden movement, and the car jolted to a stop. Thankfully, no one careened into Nate’s car as the crash in front had been pretty obvious.

“Fuck!” he rested his forehead on the steering wheel a moment, catching his breath. The sound of metal on metal had brought back the memories of his own accident the previous year.

Alex looked at Nate as he sat up straight again, “You okay?”

Nate glanced at his passenger, suddenly aware that he wasn’t alone in the car, “Yeah, you?”

“I’m fine,” Alex looked at the drivers of the cars in front as they pointed and shouted at one another through the rain. He didn’t like the way they were getting closer and closer, like they were going to fight. “Should we go around?” What he’d wanted to say was ‘Let’s get out of here, please’ but Nate took the hint well enough.

With a curt nod, Nate manoeuvred the car around the accident and drove on, more careful now that he was aware of just how bad the road surface was. They passed another couple of accidents; a telephone wire had fallen across one of the more narrow roads in town, blocking their way completely and leading Nate to take a different route home, adding another ten minutes to their seemingly never-ending journey.

Finally home, Nate squelched into the house and went straight upstairs to change, leaving Alex to make some tea. Before he could boil the kettle, however, he heard Nate’s voice echo down the stairs,

“Take a shower if you want, Alex!”

He did just that.

Nate took a quick one too and then made some beans on toast for the two of them, feeling somewhat cosy as he poured the beans onto the toast, knowing he wasn’t going to be eating alone once again. He opened his mouth to shout to let Alex know it was ready and then snapped it shut, realising he probably sounded like some old fishwife, shouting constantly. Instead, he knocked on the bathroom door and spoke like a normal man,

“I made beans on toast,” the sudden thought that Alex might not like beans dawned on Nate but he shook it off like the rainwater, “It won’t keep warm for long.” 

He turned to return to the kitchen and ended up looking directly into the spare room – Alex’s room. The young blonde was looking in the wardrobe, once again wearing Nate’s too-long jogging bottoms. Nate could see his bare back - muscular, yet narrow, a nice light shade that matched Alex’s hair, but what covered it startled Nate. Scars. Tens, maybe hundreds of small gouges and slashes mottled the teen’s skin like someone or something had been let loose upon his pure flesh. Nate immediately recognised one of the shiny patches as a belt buckle and his fist clenched reflexively. Alex turned then and spun a little faster when he saw Nate looking, he was about to ask to borrow another shirt when everything went black. 

Nate thought he’d gone blind as he squinted into the darkness but the lights flickered momentarily once again, reassuring him that he still had his sight, then faded out completely, leaving the two in complete darkness.

“Well,” Nate’s green eyes squinted towards where he thought Alex was, “Glad I made the beans beforehand.”

“Can I borrow another shirt, please?” Goosebumps had formed on the blonde’s skin as he stood in the darkness and he rubbed his arms to try and warm himself up. Nate nodded and then realised he should probably say something too, the kid didn’t have night-vision,

“Yes! There’s some upstairs… I’ll go get one for ya’.”

He turned, tripped over his own feet and sprawled onto the carpet, staring upwards at the darkness. Alex had heard the thud but was already at the doorway before he realised what had happened; he caught his foot on Nate’s lanky body and clattered on top of him like a gherkin on a burger. If the lights had been on, Nate would have seen the younger man’s cheeks burning as his bare chest collided with the redhead’s and vise versa. 

“Sorry!” Alex blurted, his breath warm against Nate’s neck.

Nate swallowed thickly and tried not to think of how close his housemate was as Alex quickly tried to scramble to his feet, muttering apologies as he did so, but he didn’t know where to put his hands in order to avoid touching Nate. They were still tangled up like flies in a web when a blinding light shone out of the darkness and Alex breathed a sigh of relief, Good, I died. He hadn’t, of course, as the voice that spoke from the darkness was not that of God,

“Oh, shit! I’m now scarred for life, thanks Nate. Didn’t mean to interrupt your kinky time, bro,” Simon shone the torch onto his face, revealing his ghoulish grin and making his red hair look like it was ablaze as the tangled mass of bodies on the floor finally got to their feet.

Nate brushed himself down and pointed at his twin, “We tripped.”

“I bet you did. Who’s the lucky lady?” Simon shone the torch onto Alex, making him blink, and his smile faded as he looked back at his brother, “Is this the homeless guy? He’s still here?!”

Alex glanced at Nate, a little worried that Simon was going to make him leave or perhaps call the police. It wouldn’t be the first time someone trying to help him had backfired. However, Nate stepped closer to his twin so that they were both lit up like Jacko-lanterns by the torch and spoke quietly yet deliberately,

“Yes. He’s staying with me. It’s fine. Shut up.”

Simon’s shoulders sagged and he knew he wasn’t going to get anywhere arguing, “Alright. And there I was thinking you were finally shaking the sausage.”

“That is horrendous. Never speak again.” Nate frowned into the torchlight, “Why are you here anyway?”

Simon shrugged, “Our lights went out, thought maybe yours would be on.”

Beside him, Alex shivered and Nate sensed the small movement. He snatched the torch from his brother and pointed the beam towards the stairs,

“I’ll go get Alex a shirt, go and find some candles will you?”

“Yessir,” Simon muttered as he turned and barrelled straight into Kyle, who had been standing there the entire time like some poised ninja. Simon slapped a hand to his heart, “Forgot you were there, Christ!”

“Oh, thanks!” Kyle elbowed his love in the ribs and held onto his shirt like a school kid as the two of them, and Alex, fumbled through the darkness towards the kitchen.

“Can’t see shit,” Simon snagged his toe on the end of the sofa as the three made their way into the kitchen, “OW! Bastard!”

Kyle waved his arms in the air, searching for the drawers, and Alex opened a few cupboards, fumbling around in them blindly as he felt for candles. When Nate returned with a shirt for Alex, the younger man put it on and Nate shone the torch into the small room, momentarily blinding everyone as they hunted for the elusive candles.

“Cheers, Nate, I didn’t need my retinas anyway,” Simon jibed.

“Got them!” Kyle pulled out a small plastic bag full to the brim with tea lights and Simon clapped, a loud hollow sound in the dark room.

After lighting almost twenty of the small candles, the living room was officially illuminated. It looked like a cheap brothel and smelled like a forest, but at least they could see one another now. The men sat on the floor like it was some silent code when there was no electricity, like they had to revert back to cavemen and fend for themselves. 

Simon leant against the sofa and Kyle sat between his legs, his back resting against the taller man and their hands intertwined. Nate couldn’t help the twinge of jealousy that shimmered through him like a small jolt of his very own electricity and he tried to force himself to think about something other than his own loneliness because he knew going down that particular road was not a pleasant journey. He was about to ask his brother why he was even still there when Alex spoke up, his quiet voice sounding almost forced,

“When did you two…” he trailed off, suddenly aware of the six eyes staring his way. He was looking at Kyle and Simon and much to Nate’s shock and, if he admitted it, delight, Alex looked exactly how Nate felt: jealous.

Simon looked sideways at his brother and then back to Alex, “Us?” he squeezed Kyle’s hand a little tighter as he continued, “You mean when did we meet or…?”

Alex nodded, his cheeks a little pinker than before. He looked like he was starting to regret asking, “You don’t have to answer. I didn’t really mean to say it out loud.” He glanced quickly at Nate then back to the couple.

Simon shrugged, “School. We met in year 8 and were best friends straight away,” he smiled at the surfacing memory, “Well, after I punched him in the face.”

Alex’s jaw dropped and Nate grinned. He remembered the day Simon had been sent home after hitting Kyle; they’d been in P.E and Simon had been, quite blatantly, staring at Kyle’s legs as they played dodgeball. Of course, Kyle had noticed and so when they were back in the changing rooms putting on their uniforms he had asked Simon straight-out why he’d been staring. Simon lost it. He hadn’t ‘come out’ to anyone yet and only Nate had any idea that he might be gay. Simon was known as the ‘jock’, the ladies’ man that enjoyed nothing more than flirting with anyone in a skirt. It was all a front, however, and Simon had had the hots for Kyle as soon as he’d seen him. So, when Kyle brought it up, Simon had simply balled up his fist and punched his troubles away, breaking Kyle’s glasses in the process. He was suspended for a week and when he returned, Kyle was the one blushing when Simon was around.

Nate chuckled, “Simon wasn’t as simple as he is now.” He received a cushion to the face for that comment and Alex grinned despite himself, content in the safety of this small ‘family’.

“I realised I shouldn’t hide who I truly am and we ended up dating, in secret mind you, up until university.”

Alex was leaning forward now, too engaged in the story to hide his interest, “You spilt up when you went to uni?!”

Simon nodded and a shadow seemed to encase his eyes, “It wasn’t a mutual decision.” He waited for some sort of response from Kyle but all he got was a small snore as he lover slept soundly against his chest. Simon’s stony expression melted and he kissed Kyle’s messy hair lovingly, “We realised our mistake in second year and ended up together again. We lived happily ever after. The End.”

Knowing that was all he was going to get from the eldest twin, Alex sat back silently and turned his attention to the long sleeves of the borrowed shirt. He rolled them up slowly so that it would take longer and he wouldn’t have to occupy himself with something else other than staring at the loved-up couple.

“So what about you, Alex? Got a girlfriend?” Simon absently stroked his thumb over Kyle’s hand as he spoke.

“I…” the blonde kept his eyes on the sleeves of his shirt, “No. No girlfriend.”

“Boyfriend?”

“Si!” Nate snapped and Simon pressed his lips into a thin line after mouthing a ‘Sorry’ to his brother.

“No boyfriend, either.”

Although he knew he was prying, Nate couldn’t help but dive at the chance of knowing more about his housemate, “Family?”

Alex’s bright blue eyes seemed to shimmer more in the candlelight and he swallowed loudly before speaking again,

“I never knew my Dad. My Mum… She died.”

Nate clenched his jaw, Am I seriously that stupid?! Why did I have to ask that?! He ran his hand through his hair and licked his dry lips, 

“I’m sorry, Alex, I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s fine. It’s alright, don’t worry.”

With sweaty palms, Nate rubbed his face, hoping that he could rub it off altogether and be left with a gaping hole that he could somehow dive into. Simon could sense the pressure building and cleared his throat purposefully,

“Well, we should get going,” he tried to stand but Kyle’s sleeping body remained limp against his chest, pinning him back against the couch.

“Stay if you want,” there was a pleading present in Nate’s voice that Simon hadn’t heard in a long time, a desperate sort of hidden rope that his twin wanted to tie him down with. He nodded,

“Alright.”

“You can sleep in my room, I’ll use the couch.” It felt right that he should be punished somehow for asking the stupid question in the first place and Nate thought there was nothing more fitting than sleeping on the cold, threadbare sofa.

“You could sleep in my bed.” Alex chewed on his lip as he stared at the tea light in front of him.

“What?” Was all Nate could muster.

“Yeah, what?” Simon parroted.

Alex flushed a deep red and seemed almost ablaze in the flickering light, “I mean, you- You could sleep in my bed and I’ll sleep on the sofa! It’s not really my bed anyway.”

“Christ, thought you were getting an invitation there, Natey,” Simon grinned, showing his pearly whites as he forced a half-asleep Kyle to his feet and guided him upstairs. 

Nate raised his middle finger at his brother’s back and politely declined Alex’s offer, reassuring him that it was in fact Alex’s bed and that he had every right to it. He was almost disappointed when the blonde nodded and slowly padded back to his room.


	6. Strings

Chapter Six: Strings

Sleeping on the sofa was probably not the best idea Nate had ever had. He rolled over for the fourteenth time that hour and stared blankly into the dark living room. The last remaining candle was flickering, almost dead. Not only was he absolutely freezing due to the lack of electricity but he was also aware that he was far too tall to be lying on the small sofa; his legs dangled over the armrest and his head was almost at ninety degrees. He looked like an abandoned Tim Burton design.

Realising that he wasn’t going to be sleeping any time soon, Nate sat upright and ran his hands through his tousled red hair. It was starting to get a little more shaggy than he liked, tendrils tickling his neck and flopping into his eyes now and then. He sighed and leaned back whilst pointing the remote at the TV. After almost a minute of nothing happening, he realised the TV was never going to turn on without electricity and smacked the remote against his thick head.

As he sat in the darkness with nothing but his own thoughts to occupy himself he found his mind drifting to Alex. He’d only known the guy a week or so but he felt somewhat protective of him, like he needed to look out for him. Maybe it was because he was younger? Was he thinking of Alex as a younger brother because he’d never had one of his own? He shook his head, no not a brother.

“What then?” he whispered into the empty room.

“You know, talking to yourself is one of the first sign of madness.”

Alex stood in the shadows of the doorway, a blanket wrapped around his bare shoulders and a pair of pajama bottoms hanging off his waist. Nate jumped a little and then smiled,

“So I’ve heard.”

The younger lad moved towards the sofa and, after Nate shuffled over a little, sat beside the redhead. He didn’t seem as closed off as he had been but he still made sure to sit as far away as the small couch would allow. Nate leaned back and yawned loudly,

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Alex nodded, “Yeah, you?”

“I know now that a sofa is not meant to be slept on.”

The blonde smiled and relaxed a little more, involuntarily moving slightly closer to Nate. He pulled the blanket tighter around himself and shivered.

“Cold?” Nate asked as his own body seemed to catch up with the temperature. Goosebumps speckled his arms and naked torso.

“I’m alright,” Alex looked into Nate’s green eyes, “I’ve slept through worse.” He smiled suddenly, a brightness entering his eyes, and a slight blush tickled his cheeks. “Sorry, its just… I feel so lucky you know? I thought I’d be alone forever after…” The smile faded and he subconsciously traced his fingers down the scar on his chin.

“Alex, how did you get-“ Nate stopped himself, suddenly aware that he was about to ask about the scars that mottled Alex’s body. Surely he wouldn’t want to talk about something so personal so soon? Nate gathered his thoughts and continued with a little more tact, “How did you get that scar?”

Alex dropped his hand from his face and turned to Nate, “It- I… fell.” His eyes dropped from Nate’s and he fidgeted with the blanket to occupy his hands, “It’s ugly, I know.”

“’Ugly?’” Nate held his hand under Alex’s chin and lifted the youngster’s face so that he was forced to look at him once more. Their faces were mere inches apart and Nate could feel Alex’s skin heat up beneath his touch, “You couldn’t be ugly if you tried.”

Nate could feel Alex’s warm breath on his face and he felt almost paralysed as he looked into his bright blue eyes. His heartbeat was increasing and he could feel it against his chest, hammering like something trying to escape. What am I doing? This is insane, he’s so beautiful, so-

Suddenly the lights flickered back on and the two men on the sofa froze. Although he wanted to immediately remove his hand from Alex’s face, Nate remained perfectly still. The brightness of the lights had somehow broken the moment, snapped the strings that had been tugging between their chests and now, in the harsh electric glare, they could do nothing more than stare blankly at one another.

Alex was the first to move. He gently lifted Nate’s hand away from his chin and got to his feet. Nate thawed out a little and ran a shaking hand through his red mop before speaking in a hoarse whisper,

“Alex, I-“

“-I’m going back to sleep.” Alex turned to leave but Nate got to his feet and grabbed his wrist, forcing him to turn around. 

Alex’s face was scarlet; his eyes blazed in their sockets, tears on the brink of falling, and his bottom lip trembled uncontrollably. All Nate could do was let go of his wrist and watch as Alex darted out of the room without another word.

“Fuck!” Nate paced back and forth in front of the sofa, trying desperately to decipher what had just occurred. Did they just experience a ‘moment’? Was that what that was? No, surely not. They were both guys after all. And Nate wasn’t gay, right? He pulled on his hair with both hands and flopped back onto the sofa, utterly defeated.

“What the hell am I doing?”

 

Inside his room, Alex sat on the end of the bed, the blanket discarded on the floor. His mind was racing and he couldn’t wipe the image of Nate’s face so close to his own from his eyes. He closed them tightly but even behind his lids, he could still see the redhead smiling.

“’You couldn’t be ugly if you tried.’ What is that supposed to mean?!” he ran his hands down his face and flopped backwards onto the bed, arms outstretched at his sides. He touched the scar on his face again, the memory of Nate’s warm touch making his cheeks flush once more.

“No,” Alex balled up his fists and sat upright, “I can’t do this. Not again. Not with what happened last time…”

 

Morning came sooner than anyone wanted it to. 

Simon dragged Kyle down into the kitchen, the older twin used to getting up early for work, the artist not so much. Nate had finally managed to fall asleep at around four and was still snoring softly on the sofa when his brother and Kyle started to make breakfast. The clattering of pots and pans soon woke him, however, and he shuffled groggily into the kitchen, welcomed by the warm smell of porridge.

“Morning, sleepyhead!” Simon had always been the morning type, much to the annoyance of his twin, and it was almost demonic the way he had so much energy so early in the day.

Nate could see that Kyle felt the same way as he rested his head on his arms at the kitchen table. He looked even younger without his glasses on and Simon kept ruffling his shaggy brown hair at every opportunity. Kyle didn’t seem to mind, though, he even smiled a few times, forcing an even bigger grin onto Simon’s face.

The older twin plonked some bowls onto the table and started to pour in the sloppy porridge,

“Ready Brek?” he shoved the pan under Nate’s nose to reiterate the question.

“No. Thanks, Si.”

Simon shrugged and poured some into a bowl for Kyle, who somehow managed to hold a spoon in his zombie-like state and shovel it into his mouth. Simon sat down and started to dig in too.

A few minutes later, Alex entered the kitchen looking even worse than Nate felt. His hair stuck up like a mane and the bags under his eyes could have served as bowls for the porridge themselves. He poured himself some orange juice and sat at the table in the only free chair, next to Nate.

“Porridge?” Simon held out a bowlful for Alex but he politely refused it, sipping on his orange juice carefully.

Now Simon wasn’t the most observant person in the world but even he could sense the tension between his brother and Alex and so he inhaled his porridge and then dragged Kyle away to quickly get dressed, much to Kyle’s dismay. He even ignored the desperate look his brother flashed his way as he left the kitchen.

Nate pulled over one of the uneaten bowls of porridge and began to prod at it, watching as the gloopy mess clung desperately onto the spoon not wanting to let go. He was almost transfixed by it and when Alex spoke, he dropped the spoon back into the bowl, causing it to clatter loudly.

“I need some clothes.”

Nate’s jaw worked a few times before he actually spoke, it wasn’t what he’d been expecting to hear at all,

“Alright. Sure, we can go shopping, it’s my day off anyway.” 

He cleared his throat and tried to occupy himself with the porridge again but found that his mind was no longer focused. He wanted so much to ask about what had happened the previous night but he also didn’t want to sound like a moron. After all, nothing had actually happened had it? Maybe he was reading too much into it.

Yeah, that’s right, he thought as he stared at the congealed gruel before him, I’m just overreacting. It was dark and there were sexy candles, all very confusing. He nodded firmly,

“Yes, sexy candles.”

Alex choked a little on his juice, “What?”

Nate’s cheeks reddened, “Er, nothing…”

 

The two men walked along the rows of shops inside the large shopping centre; clothes, shoes, phones, gifts, it was all there before them but neither seemed to be paying much attention. Nate pointed to a shop with mannequins wearing shirts and jeans in the window and Alex followed his eyes as he spoke,

“What about this one?” Nate asked as they gravitated towards the shop.

“Isn’t it too expensive?” Alex tugged on one of the toggles on the oversized coat he was wearing, courtesy of Nate’s wardrobe, “I don’t want you to spend too much on me.”

“Don’t be daft,” Nate smiled warmly, “Come on, I bet you’ll look great in something that isn’t three sizes too big for you!” 

He smiled and touched the small of Alex’s back, guiding him towards the doors. Alex bit his bottom lip and allowed himself to be ushered inside. Once inside it was like they’d been wearing big flashing lights on their heads; every employee’s eyes settled on them and they descended like vultures. A woman in a very tight blue dress that seemed to be squeezing the life out of her breasts smiled brightly and opened her arms widely, looking only at Nate,

“Hello, can I help you?” she fluttered her thick eyelashes, still only looking at the redhead.

Nate nodded, seemingly oblivious to her stare, “Sure. My friend is looking for some clothes.”

Alex rolled his eyes at the woman as she pouted, slightly annoyed at Nate’s blasé attitude. Her response was more of a snap,

“This way.”

She led the way into the dressing rooms and told them she would pick out a few items for Alex to try on; he and Nate waited a few minutes in silence until she reappeared laden with jeans, shirts, blazers and jackets.

“If you’d like to try them on, I’ll give you my honest opinion,” she smiled, showing large white teeth, “I think they’ll all look fabulous on you, though.” She winked at Alex. Actually winked. Had she moved onto him now that Nate had showed no interest? Whatever she was doing, it had irritated Nate.

“Thanks,” Nate took the pile from her, “But we’ll be fine by ourselves.”

“Oh… Alright. Call if you need any help.”

Alex’s wide eyes stared at Nate, “What was that all about?”

Nate looked innocent, oblivious to what he’d done, “What?”

Alex shook his head and held his hands out for the clothes, “Nothing. I’ll try these on.”

Nate was right. Alex did look better in clothes that fit. He tried jeans and t-shirts first and finally looked comfortable in what he had on. Nate gave him a thumbs-up when he opened the dressing room curtain to show him. The shirts clung nicely to his lithe torso, giving him more of a figure and the jeans hugged his legs in all the right places.

He exited the dressing room and was about to ask Nate to put away the rest of the things when the older man held out a dark grey suit.

Alex looked confused, “What’s this?”

“Just try it on. You might need one for job interviews and stuff.”

Alex took the suit and glanced at the three-figure price tag, “No way! I can’t let you buy me this!”

“You can pay me back when you get a job! Besides, you can’t exactly go in one of mine with the legs rolled up can you?”

Alex deliberated for a moment and then nodded firmly, “Alright. I will pay you back, though!”

Nate smiled and shoved Alex into the dressing room. He emerged minutes later in the well-fitting suit. He looked fine. It didn’t envelop him like Nate’s shirts had, instead it clung to his shoulders nicely and tapered down to his waist. The trousers showed off his long legs and the dark grey made his eyes stand out even more than usual. He did a small twirl,

“Well?”

Oh shit, Nate thought as he stared at Alex in the suit, he looks damn good. Like, really good. What the hell am I thinking?! Nate gripped the bottom half of his face with his hand as his cheeks flushed, he managed a curt nod and Alex smiled.

Before they went to pay for the various items, Alex picked up another suit set from one of the displays; it was black, complete with a black shirt, and he held it up against Nate.

“What’re you doing?”

“I was just thinking, I’ve never seen you in a suit.”

Nate shrugged, “I never need to wear one.”

“Would you…” Alex looked at the ground in an attempt to hide his slight blush, “Would you try one on?”

“Eh? Why?”

“I want to see what you look like in one.” Alex’s blue eyes met Nate’s emerald ones and something inside Nate melted. He grabbed the suit and stepped into the changing room.

He stepped out in the dark suit and Alex’s jaw dropped. The black was striking; it made Nate look even taller than he already was and made his hair shimmer. He tugged on the sleeves nervously,

“Well? Do I look like a complete berk?”

Alex shook his head slowly and swallowed thickly, “You look… sexy.”

“Damn right I do,” Nate grinned and for a moment looked more like Simon than he ever had before. Alex chuckled and waited as Nate changed back into his own clothes.

Nate paid for Alex’s new wardrobe and they left the shopping centre, bags in tow. Alex’s words still rattled inside Nate’s head, ‘You look sexy.’


	7. Surprise!

Chapter 7: Surprise!

“Happy Birthday to us!”

“That’s not until tomorrow, nitwit.”

Simon pouted and hooked a strong arm around Nate’s shoulders, pulling him closer to his face as he spoke,

“But I’m at work tomorrow! Tonight we dine in... Your house!”

Nate sighed and ducked out of his twin’s embrace. Kyle and Alex were sitting at a table in the large café and the Lairds were ordering their food. It all felt very right somehow but there was a strong knot in Nate’s stomach that refused to loosen. Simon had organised a joint party to celebrate their twenty-fifth birthday and, being the thoughtful brother that he was, had invited everyone round to Nate’s house. It was bad enough that he would have to endure any party but the fact that it was being held in his own house meant he couldn’t even escape early if he wanted to.

They grabbed the four drinks and joined the others at the table. Alex was wearing one of his new pale blue shirts and skinny jeans and he looked much more at ease in Simon’s presence than he had only a few weeks ago. Nate handed him his Coke and stared down into his own fizzing drink, poking at the ice cubes with his straw as Simon and Kyle talked about what they were going to wear later that night.

“So, what do you want for your birthday?”

Alex’s voice jostled Nate from his reverie and the redhead looked into his blue eyes, 

“Nothing.” Nate answered without hesitation, knocking Alex from his stride a little, but Alex smiled nonetheless,

“Oh, I was hoping you’d give me an idea. I want to get you something nice.”

“Oh!” Nate ran his hand through his tousled locks and gave Alex an apologetic look, “Sorry, I didn’t know you meant what I wanted from you. Not that I actually do want anything from you! Not that something from you would be bad!” he inhaled deeply and exhaled loudly, “I’m babbling, sorry. I just meant that you don’t have to get me anything, its fine.”

Alex still hadn’t managed to find a job, he was paying his way in the house by doing the housework and cooking now and then, which was fine by Nate.

“No, I want to get you something,” Alex took a sip of his coke, “I’m just not really sure what you like.”

“Boobs,” Simon injected himself into the conversation and then left just as swiftly as Nate glared at him.

Alex didn’t continue after that. The food came and they ate quickly and quietly, Nate still worrying about the oncoming party. When they’d all finished, Kyle paid for everyone (his idea of a cheap birthday present for Nate) and they piled into Nate’s car. Simon had decided he wanted to decorate the house before the guests arrived and his brother had no complaints; he wanted as little to do with the party as possible.

It wasn’t that Nate was particularly against having a party, it was just that he wasn’t one for drinking or socialising much. He couldn’t hold his liquor like his brother and whenever they drank together, Simon would try and make Nate keep pace. The nights always ended with the younger twin hunched over a toilet.

An hour before the guests were due to arrive, Nate decided a bath might calm his nerves. Only the downstairs bathroom had an actual bath, the upstairs one only had a shower, and so he started the water and poured in some sweet-smelling lotion to try and soothe himself. Parties were definitely not his cup of tea; he hated the false happy-clappy show everyone seemed to put on and he hated having to get dressed up and make an effort.

Slowly, Nate lowered himself into the steaming bath and closed his eyes as the sweet aroma of jasmine entered his pores. His mind wandered to the past few weeks; meeting Alex, bringing him to his home, shopping with Alex, eating with Alex, Alex’s bright blue eyes, Alex’s strong back, Alex’s arse-

Nate’s eyes shot open and he wiped his hands down his face.

“What the fuck.”

Why was he thinking about him so much? Was it just because Alex was a new edition to his life? Or maybe because he saw him everyday and didn’t have much else to think about? Or maybe it’s because I’m gay.

“No! Nope. I think not! I like boobs and legs and vagi-” he grabbed the sponge and started scrubbing at his face manically, which was why he didn’t notice the bathroom door open and Alex step inside.

“Oh, shit! Sorry!” Alex had opened his belt and was about to relieve himself when he spotted Nate in the bath, “I thought you were upstairs!”

Nate stopped scrubbing, his hands slapping back into the bath water, and stared wildly at Alex, “Fine. It’s fine!”

Alex’s eyes had wandered to Nate’s crotch where not all of him was under the water. Nate followed his gaze and sloshed around in the water like a drowning madman in a desperate attempt to hide his ‘excitement’. Finally he shoved the sponge down there and stared straight ahead with cheeks that felt as though they might explode, avoiding Alex’s gaze as much as he could.

The blonde silently exited the bathroom, a wry smile on his lips.

It was almost ten thirty and most of the guests were milling around in the kitchen and living room; Nate stood in the kitchen as his brother introduced him to various work colleagues and handed him beer after beer. One of said colleagues was a young blonde lady with pale blue eyes and a short red dress that complimented her flawless figure. She looked about as into the party as Nate felt and, when she turned away from Simon’s work discussion, Nate caught her eye.

“Having fun?” she asked in a sarcastic tone as she took a sip from her vodka and tonic, red lipstick staining the glass.

Nate took a swig of beer and nodded, “Sure.”

“I’m Kate,” she smiled and stepped closer, her strong perfume enveloping him.

“Nate.”

“We rhyme.”

“Yeah,” Nate puffed out his cheeks and tried to spot Alex amongst the crowd but to no avail. He smiled politely, “My full name’s Nathan though.” He finished off his beer and grabbed another from the kitchen counter.

“Katherine.” Katherine traced a manicured finger along Nate’s jaw line and gazed into his emerald eyes, “You know, I think you’re better looking than your brother.”

“Really?” Nate cleared his throat and took a long gulp of beer, “Don’t let him hear you say that.”

She stepped closer, her delicate hips almost grazing his own.

“Definitely,” Kate bit her bottom lip, “Are you spoken for, Nate? Or are you gay like Simon?”

He shook his head, a small giggle escaping his lips, “Nope.” 

He was onto his seventh or eighth beer and the room seemed to be slanting slightly, blurring around the edges.

“You know,” Kate spoke confidently as she gestured around the room with her glass, “This is a nice house, I’d love to see upstairs.”

“I bet you would,” all Nate could do was be led by the arm out of the kitchen.

Kate attempted to pull Nate upstairs but his balance was wavering and so she opted for the downstairs corridor. She tried a few doors until she came upon Alex’s room and dragged Nate inside. He plonked himself down on the bed and finished off his drink before letting the bottle clink to the floor. He could tell that he was well and truly drunk but for once he didn’t mind it, at least it was distracting him from awkward socialising with people younger and more successful than him. He let Kate take his shoes off and lay back on the bed as she climbed over him.

She kissed his neck and whispered into his ear, “This is a nice bed. It’d be a shame not to use it.”

“’S’not mine,” he drawled.

With a little more force than necessary, Kate tore open the buttons on Nate’s shirt and exposed his bare chest. She traced her finger down his torso and let it rest a moment on his trousers before undoing his fly. He moaned in response but didn’t move as she tugged his trousers down.

She frowned at his crotch and spoke through a pouted mouth, “You don’t seem too happy to see me, Nate.”

She was right. He didn’t really feel at all aroused by this gorgeous young woman. Sure, she was curvy and sexy and a little bit loose but something was missing. Nate chalked it down to copious amounts of alcohol and continued to lie still as she whipped off her dress in one swift movement. 

Kate began to grind on his hips and then moved closer to him so that she could kiss his neck and chest. Nate closed his eyes but found no pleasure in the moment and so opened them to look at her face. Her blonde hair fell onto his face and her blue eyes seemed to sparkle as she smiled down at him, reminding him of Alex’s inhumanly gorgeous eyes.

“Oh, Nate! It seems you’re getting into it now!”

Kate smiled and moved her hands down to his crotch, where he felt the first stirrings of arousal. He closed his eyes and pictured Alex’s naked body the day he’d seen him in the shower and moaned loudly,

“Mmm, that’s good.”

Kate’s movements intensified and then suddenly stopped.

“Don’t st-“ Nate opened his eyes to see what the hold-up was and saw Alex standing in the doorway to his room, eyes wide and mouth twisted down, as though trying not to cry.

Kate bundled up her clothes and shuffled quickly out of the room as Nate scrambled for his trousers. Alex stared at the floor as he spoke in a monotone voice,

“I wanted a jumper.”

All Nate could do was nod. He watched Alex grab a jumper off the floor, knocking the empty beer bottle aside, and chewed on his lip as his lodger quickly exited the room. Nate ran his hands through his sweat-drenched hair and slammed his fist against the bed.

So what? he thought, I was enjoying myself with a lady friend. What does it matter to him? And why do I feel so guilty?

Slowly, he pulled his shirt around him and readjusted his trousers before heading to his own room. He met Simon, who was seemingly almost catatonic, on the landing and avoided a bear hug from him. Before he could escape to his room, however, Simon called out,

“Did you do something to Alex? He ran out before!”

“Where?!”

“I dunno!” Simon slurred, “Do I look like bloody Columbo?!”

Ignoring his brother’s jibes, Nate dashed down the stairs and pushed past the last of the guests out of the front door. He stumbled into the biting cold in his bare feet, a sense of clarity hitting him now that he could breathe fresh air, and squinted into the darkness. 

“Alex!” he wailed into the night like some sort of lunatic and saw a few of the neighbours’ curtains twitching as he called a few times more.

He was about to go back inside when his fingers clasped something in his pocket. Car keys. Without thinking, Nate headed for his car and after struggling to fit them in the lock, flung open the door and got behind the steering wheel. He turned on the ignition and had his hand on the handbrake, ready to set off in search of his missing friend, when a loud bang stopped him in his tracks.

Alex stood outside the car next to the driver’s door with his hands folded across his chest and a look of disbelief on his face. Nate didn’t respond and so Alex kicked the car again, this time with more force.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Alex yelled through the closed window.

Nate was taken aback at Alex’s sudden outburst. He hadn’t heard the youngster raise his voice like that before and he didn’t know how to react, he simply stared at him, drunken eyes like big marbles in his skull.

“You can’t drive in that state!” Alex yanked open the car door, exposing Nate to the freezing wind, “Are you an idiot?!”

The interior light of the car had come on now that the door was open and Alex’s face was illuminated in it. Nate could see wet tracks down his face where tears had fallen and red blotches surrounded his eyes. He’d obviously been crying.

“Alex, I was coming to find you!”

The anger dropped slightly from Alex’s voice, “Yeah, well. I’m here.”

“I found you.” Nate slurred and smiled weakly at Alex, “Did you cry?” he held his hand out to touch Alex’s face but the blonde slapped it away and turned to head back inside,

“You should go to bed, you’re drunk.”

“Yeah,” Nate got out of the car and locked it up before following Alex back into the house. His swaying made the short journey twice as long but he finally made it back inside and into the warmth. He flopped onto the sofa and stared grumpily at his feet, his socks were soaked through.

“I’ll make some coffee.” 

Alex pottered around in the kitchen as Nate relaxed into the comfort of the couch; he was nodding off when Alex returned with his coffee. Nate took it carefully and sipped the hot liquid in silence.

“I’m going to bed now,” Alex went to stand up but Nate caught his arm and held him in place, “What? Let me sleep.”

“Don’t you think she looked like you?” Nate looked at Alex as he asked, a serious expression on his face.

“Who?”

“Kate! The woman who-“

“Oh, her!” Alex rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“She did!” Nate put his mug down and turned to face Alex, “She had the same hair,” he tugged on a loose strand of Alex’s blonde hair, “Same eyes,” he looked into Alex’s baby blues, “Same lips…”

Before he knew what he was doing, Nate’s lips brushed against Alex’s. After a second or two he pulled away and Alex got to his feet, Nate allowing it this time,

“I’m going to bed,” Alex marched out of the room.

Nate licked his lips and, confused and drunk as he was, one thought clearly pierced through: He kissed back.


	8. The Morning After

Chapter 8: The Morning After

“I think I’m going to die. Are my eyeballs still in my head?” Simon folded his arms on the kitchen table and flopped his face onto them.

“I told you not to drink so much, idiot.” 

Kyle had been the sensible member of the relationship the previous night and had limited his alcohol intake so as not to feel how Simon looked this morning. He joined his partner at the table and handed him a steaming mug of coffee, receiving a grunt in response.

A few minutes later, Nate shuffled into the kitchen. His red hair seemed to be reaching for a space anywhere other than his head and the dark circles under his eyes gave him the complexion of an extra from ‘Shaun of the Dead’. He squinted at Kyle and received a small wave from his brother, whose head remained glued to the table, before pouring himself some coffee.

“How’s your head?” Kyle took off his glasses and started to wipe them with his shirt whilst Nate tried to remember how to speak.

“Peachy. By which I mean it feels like a peach that someone bit into.” Nate looked at his brother and then back to Kyle, “Is Alex up yet?”

Simon finally raised his head to look at his twin, “He left earlier. Didn’t say two words to us, miserable sod.”

Where could Alex have been going? He had no job and no interviews that Nate knew about. He’d never mentioned any friends and as far as Nate knew, he had no money either. The thoughts were cluttering his mind to the point where he’d let his coffee get cold when Kyle broke into his trance.

“He didn’t look very happy,” he pushed his glasses higher onto his nose and continued, “Did something happen last night?”

Nate scrunched up his nose in an attempt to remember anything of importance that had happened the previous night but the alcohol seemed to have wiped his memory. The last thing he remembered was a woman in a red dress and Alex walking in on them…

“Ah, shit…” the younger twin got to his feet, almost spilling his coffee in the process, and dashed upstairs to throw on some clothes. 

He tamed his mane as best his could and ignored the stubble on his chin in favour of getting to the car faster. A quick wave was all he offered his brother and Kyle in terms of an explanation and then he was in the car; it was only then that he realised he had no idea where he was going to go. Nate knew he wanted to find Alex, especially if he was upset, but he didn’t know where to start looking. And why was Alex upset anyway? Because he’d seen Nate making out on his bed? Surely not. He felt he was missing an important piece of the puzzle but his booze-soaked mind just couldn’t remember it.

Without knowing his destination, Nate started to drive into town, eyes glued to the paths in the hopes of somehow finding Alex wandering them. It was no use; he wasn’t going to just randomly find him. It had been almost an hour when he decided to turn back and head home; his head was throbbing and he felt like something was dying inside his stomach. The road home was quiet and so when the blue flashing lights pulled up behind him, Nate knew they were for him.

Swearing under his breath, he waited for the policeman to step over to his window and rolled it down accordingly.

“Something wrong, officer?” He tried to sound innocent but his voice broke and he ended up sounding like a guilty child caught stealing cookies.

The policeman pulled something out of his pocket and asked Nate to get out of the car.

“You were swerving a little back there, sir.”

The policeman was a good foot smaller than Nate but held such authority that the redhead felt like a smurf next to him.

“I’ll need you to breathe into this please.” The officer held out a breathalyser, something Nate had only seen on Law and Order, and Nate pressed his lips to it.

After a minute or so the officer looked at Nate through narrow eyes,

“You’re over the limit, sir. Did you know that? Have you been drinking?”

“I… No. I mean, last night I was but-“

Mr. Policeman nodded, “The alcohol is still in your system. I’m going to have to ask you to come with me to the station.”

The churning in Nate’s stomach intensified, “Am I being arrested?!”

“Not this time, sir. But you’ll have to fill out some paperwork and hand over your licence.”

Almost two hours later Nate rang Simon’s mobile phone from the police station but there was no answer. Knowing his brother, he’d probably gone back to bed because of his hangover and so he tried his own house phone. Kyle answered after two rings.

“Hello? Nate’s um, residence.”

“Kyle? Is Simon there?”

“Hey, Nate. He’s asleep on the couch. Hey, where’s the flour? I’m making a pie.”

“In the top cupboard over the sink. I don’t think I have any margarine though-“ A man with huge arms covered in tattoos of naked women glared at Nate and so he tried to veer the conversation to more pressing matters, “Can you wake Si up, it’s important.”

“Sure.”

Nate listened as Kyle’s voice disappeared for a moment. He could hear Simon grumbling, followed by a loud thud and swearing. He must have fallen off the couch. Finally his twin’s groggy voice was on the other end of the phone.

“What?”

“I need you to come and pick me up.”

“You’re in your car!”

“I’m not! I’m in the police station!”

“Did you run someone over?”

“No, I-“

“Because I’m a lawyer, I can save you and stuff.”

“No, Si I-“

“Unless you proper mowed them down like a lunatic, then you’re on your own, bro.”

“Simon will you fucking listen!” 

“Calm down, Jesus Christ.”

Nate rolled his eyes and inhaled deeply before continuing, “I was over the limit. I’m banned from driving for twelve months.”

Silence at the end of the phone.

“Si? You there?”

“You daft twat. I’ll send Kyle for you. Bye.”

Nate stared at the dead phone for a moment and hung it up dejectedly. Not only had he been arrested and now had a criminal record, his brother’s boyfriend was going to come and pick him up. 

How humiliating.

*

Kyle didn’t say much on the drive home, not that he ever said much, the only time he spoke was when he announced he was stopping to get some margarine. Once back in the house Nat was greeted by Simon who gave him a small lecture on the importance of knowing your alcohol limits, out of duty more than actual concern for his brother’s wellbeing. Kyle continued with his baking, using anything and everything he could find in Nate’s almost bare cupboards, whilst Simon watched him like a puppy waiting to be fed.

At around half two, Alex finally returned home. He opened the front door as quietly as he could but even if he’d phased through it Kitty Pryde style, Nate would have heard him arrive. He’d been waiting for the younger lad to show himself, worried like a mother missing her child.

“Alex! You’re back!”

The blonde’s blue eyes widened and he nodded, a little taken aback at his welcome party of one. He bit his lip and tried to step past Nate to make his way to his bedroom but the gangly redhead seemed to be filling the hallway.

“Where did you go?”

“Out.” Alex’s cheeks flushed a little and he stared at the worn carpet as he spoke, “I thought you might not want to see me after…”

Nate’s ginger eyebrows knitted together and a lopsided smile twisted his face, “Did I do something embarrassing? I’m really sorry if I did. I can’t remember much, sorry.”

Baby blues shot up to look into Nate’s green eyes and his smile dropped from his face.

“Oh, god I did do something didn’t I? Whatever it was, it wasn’t me okay? Beer tends to make me half crazy!” he laughed but it sounded more like he was choking and the soul-piercing glare coming from Alex wasn’t helping.

“You don’t remember anything?”

“Well, I remember kissing someone in a red dress on your bed - which I’ve changed for you by the way.”

Alex’s jaw clenched and he nodded curtly before stepping past Nate. The redhead was about to ask if he’d missed something but was interrupted by his brother calling for him from the kitchen.

What awaited him on the table was supposedly edible but which part of it he could actually eat, Nate didn’t know.

“What is it?” Nate asked, a little intimidated by Kyle’s bright eyes.

“An apple pie!” He cut two slices and presented them to the twins like they’d just won an Oscar.

Simon’s smile stretched too far across his face as he examined the charred sludge on his plate, “Mmm, looks yummy!” he glanced at his brother, green eyes blazing in their sockets, “Right, Nate?”

Nate nodded, “Yup… ‘Yummy’.”

Simon was first to brave the failed experiment. He took a huge spoonful and bravely shovelled it into his mouth, eyes watering slightly as the burnt pastry touched his tongue.

“What type of apples did you use, sweetie?” he warbled through a mouthful of goo.

“I couldn’t find any apples,” Kyle seemed to be beaming like a proud peacock, “So I used tinned tomatoes.”

Nate watched as his brother’s complexion completed the colour cycle and pushed his own portion aside. He wasn’t about to complete the day from hell by getting food poisoning. Instead, he decided to change the topic to try and deter their attention from the demonic pie.

“So, are you two ever going to leave?”

Simon slyly spat out the rest of the ‘pie’ into a napkin and nodded a little too enthusiastically.

“Yes. Yes we are. Right now in fact. Let’s go, Kyle. Far, far away.”

He grabbed Kyle’s arm and led him out of the house, all the while gesturing silently for Nate to destroy the pie somehow. Nate couldn’t help but laugh and quickly emptied the rest of the pie into the wheelie bin outside, he didn’t want his whole house to smell of it. The damp of the pavement outside soaked into his socks and he groaned internally. That’s when he remembered. The previous night. Alex bringing him back inside. Sitting on the sofa. Kissing Alex.

“Oh…” Nate flopped onto the sofa and ran his hand through his hair, “Oh… Shit, I should apologise.” 

He could feel his cheeks burning at the memory but also felt that his mind wasn’t shying away from it. In fact, remembering the warm feeling it gave him when he’d kissed Alex was making his heart beat faster and stirring something deep inside his stomach.

“It felt nice. It felt good.”

Without another thought, Nate jumped to his feet and marched down the hallway towards Alex’s room. What he was going to do or say was a mystery to him but he was sure his brain would figure something out once he got in there. He barged into the room without knocking, prepared to face the consequences of telling the youngster that he’d enjoyed their small kiss. Alex turned from his position on the bed, eyes like moons and tears spilling down his cheeks.

Nate stopped mid-stride and all thoughts of confessing fell away from him like dead leaves from a tree. The blonde teenager was sitting cross-legged on his bed, a razor blade in one hand and blood dripping down his other arm. He quickly fumbled to pull down his sleeve in a feeble attempt to hide the cuts but Nate had already seen too much. He grabbed Alex’s hand and tore the razor from his grip, throwing it on the carpet at their feet. Alex shied away, holding his arm against his chest, an ashamed look in his eyes.

Nate sat down on the bed beside him, emerald eyes wide and confused.

“Alex, what is this? What are you doing?”

“Nothing. Please go.”

With gentle hands, Nate took Alex’s bleeding arm and gingerly pulled up his sleeve to reveal three thin slices across his skin. Blood oozed across his pale skin and ran down over older scars before dripping onto the bed cover like rose petals. Alex tried to pull away but Nate held firm, determined to stop him harming himself any further.

“Please don’t look.” Alex pressed his hand to the cuts and more tears began to trail down his cheeks.

“Why? Why are you doing this, Alex?”

The blonde simply shook his head.

“We need to patch you up.” 

Although not familiar with self-harm or even depression, Nate knew how to bandage a wound. Simon had been an incredibly clumsy child and there had been more than one occasion where the twins had had to hide an incident from their father.

He disappeared for a moment and returned with the first aid kit. Plonking down on the bed beside Alex, Nate silently began to treat the cuts and bandage where necessary. Alex watched quietly, breaking the silence now and then with a sniffle.

“You don’t have to tell me why you cut yourself,” Nate dabbed some antiseptic on a cut near Alex’s wrist as he spoke, “I don’t know the first thing about it. But I thought you were happy here? Don’t people do this when they’re sad?”

Wiping a tear from his chin, Alex nodded weakly, “I am happy here.”

Nate frowned, “Then why-“

“I’m too happy. I shouldn’t be this happy. Something was bound to go wrong so I tried to stop that happening. And then… And then you didn’t remember anyway.”

A sharp pain shot through Nate’s chest and his hands stopped moving. Something inside him flicked on, like a light in a dark room, and he grabbed Alex’s chin firmly. Without warning, Nate kissed him firmly. There was no hesitation in it and, although a little rushed, it felt passionate and real. When he finally pulled away, Alex looked like he might go into shock, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

“I remembered.” Nate breathed.


	9. Trapped Emotions

Chapter 9: Trapped Emotions

The chirping and squawking of birds stirred Nate from his dream. In it he’d been swimming in a river made of blood and was starting to drown when the birds saved him. Rather than waking up like Snow White, birds bringing him his dressing gown and rabbits brushing his hair, his eyes creaked open and he half coughed half choked as he inhaled suddenly. He stared into the darkness, the only light that of the green numbers on the alarm clock by his side: 4:48am. 

The events of the previous night came flooding back behind his eyes; Alex cutting himself and then Nate kissing him. It seemed like that might have been the dream. Movement by his side and a soft sigh made Nate’s hair stand on end as he slowly turned over to look at Alex, fast asleep beside him.

“Fuck,” Nate whispered to himself, “Did we…?” 

He didn’t remember anything other than kissing Alex and then the younger lad saying he was tired. Nate quickly lifted the covers and shoved a hand into his boxers, feeling for any evidence that something other than kissing might have occurred. Nothing. He sighed, relieved and yet still confused as to what had happened after the kiss. He was pretty sure Alex had gone to sleep, tears still wet on his cheeks, and Nate had fallen into dreams shortly after.

He stared at the ceiling now, the first shimmers of daylight teasing at the curtains, and ran his hand through his tousled hair. What happened now? Did they just go about their usual business?  
Surely the kiss was the end of it, right? That was why he’d been feeling so uneasy recently? The thought sent a lead weight into his stomach and he clenched his fists,

“No. I don’t know what happens now.”

He turned to look at the sleeping blonde once more only to be met with bleary, sleep-deprived blue eyes staring back at him.

“You’re still here?” Alex mumbled as he rubbed his eyes.

Nate simply nodded. He could feel his cheeks burning like a horny school kid.

“Sorry, I’ll go back to my own bed now.”

Alex nodded, already falling back into a deep sleep as Nate stumbled out of the bedroom into the dark corridor. He leant against the wall, a hand on his chest as he waited for his heart to stop pounding so hard and his breath to slow.

When the sky was a little brighter and the hour seemed somewhat reasonable to wake up, Nate clicked on the kettle and made himself some instant coffee. He’d been sitting in the dark living room since he left Alex’s room, staring at nothing in particular and, strangely, thinking of nothing too.

He sipped the hot liquid and winced as it slid thickly down his throat.

“Morning.”

Nate jumped at the sound of Alex’s voice having not noticed the younger man enter the kitchen and smiled lopsidedly in an attempt to feign normality. The blonde poured himself some cereal and sat in the chair opposite. After a few minutes of silence, Alex looked up at his housemate and plonked his spoon back into the empty bowl with a clatter. Nate’s emerald orbs stared as Alex spoke.

“So…”

“So,” Nate echoed.

“I don’t want this to be awkward.”

“Me too.”

“So we can pretend it never happened.” Alex smiled thinly and poked around the empty bowl with his spoon, “Don’t worry about it.” He bit his lip as two tiny creases formed between his eyebrows.

“Right,” Nate continued to stare, face completely blank, betraying the confusion that was currently whipping through his brain. Before he could think of something to say, however, Alex had stopped fidgeting and was looking at him once again with those bright blues.

“And thanks, for last night. I haven’t done that in a while… It hurt more than I remembered.”

Nate choked on his coffee, started to cough violently and his eyes almost popped out of his head, which must have surprised Alex as he stumbled over his next words.

“Cutting myself! No- Nothing else.” He cheeks burned and he suddenly found a mark on the tablecloth extremely interesting.

“OH!” Nate’s shoulders relaxed and he sighed loudly, “For a minute there I thought you meant- Something else.” He cleared his throat and tried to sound as sincere as possible, “I want you to  
know I’m always here if you need a friend.”

Alex had obviously been in a vulnerable state last night and just needed some comfort. And Nate had just been curious, right? He’d fed his curiosity about kissing a bloke and could finally get back to some kind of normality now. He nodded firmly to himself, yes surely that was it. He looked at Alex as the younger male washed up his bowl, blonde hair sticking up all over the place. Alex looked much more relaxed than he had been and the only evidence of what he’d been doing the previous night was the slight blush of red on the sleeve of the too-big white shirt he was wearing as pyjamas.

“How’s your arm?”

Without looking at Nate, Alex shrugged and concentrated on rubbing the tea towel round and round his cereal bowl, “It’s alright.”

“You should put some new bandages on it so that it doesn’t get infected.”

Without realising, Nate was on his feet and was standing over Alex like an elongated shadow. He felt the boy tense next to him and stepped aside to let him through. The blonde looked back as he exited the kitchen,

“I’ll do it when I’m dressed.”

“I’ll wash that shirt, too.” The redhead reached out his hand as though waiting for Alex to strip it off but he made no movement to do so, obviously not comfortable with showing off his scarred body in front of Nate. Realising his blunder, Nate shoved his hand in his pocket and swerved the conversation elsewhere, “Why don’t you wear some pyjamas instead? My shirt’s like a tent on you!”

That brought a slight smile to Alex’s face and he held his arms out; the shirt was indeed far too big on the smaller male, the sleeves alone looked like they could help him take off if a gust of wind got to him.

“We didn’t buy any pyjamas. When we went shopping, we just bought shirts and stuff.”

Nate slapped his hand to his forehead, “Oh, God. I’m a moron, sorry. Let’s go and get some today, I’m not at work.”

Alex nodded, “Okay. I’ll go get dressed.”

He turned quickly, seeming a little brighter than he had earlier, which brought a smile to Nate’s unsuspecting face. 

*

The shopping centre was packed. There seemed to be an air of urgency and panic in the air as the crowds squirmed around the cramped space. Shop doorways overflowed with bodies and parents dragged their screaming kids through the waves of people as someone bleated something over the loud speaker. 

“There must be some sort of promotion or something happening!” Nate yelled at Alex so as to be heard over the commotion. He pointed upwards, towards the escalators, thankfully able to see above most people’s heads at his height, “There’s some pretty good shops up there!”

Alex nodded and started towards the escalators before quickly being swept up in a crowd of frantic women with hands fumbling with too many bags. He finally found his way back to Nate, slightly out of breath.

“I can’t get to them, everyone’s going mad!” Alex looked a little flustered, his skin with a slight sheen to it.

He looked back and forth through the bustling shoppers and then locked his eyes onto the lifts. The space near them seemed to be pretty clear and he was sure it’d be easier than scrambling through the crazy consumers. He tried to tell Nate his idea but couldn’t be heard over the booming voice of ‘God’ speaking gibberish over the loud speakers. Instead, he grabbed Nate’s wrist and half dragged him towards the elevators. One was already open and so he wasted no time in shoving Nate inside and jumping in just before the doors pinged shut.

Alex sighed loudly and put his hands on his thighs, out of breath. He turned to look triumphantly at Nate but his elated mood sieved away as he absorbed the redhead’s demeanour.  
Nate’s fists were clenched at his sides and his eyes were wide. His jaw was twitching as he clenched his teeth fiercely and beads of sweat had started to form on his forehead. He looked like he might pass out.

“Nate? Are you feeling okay?”

Green eyes the size of planets shot to Alex’s face and he tensed. He’d seen that look a thousand times on his stepfather’s face and was almost certain Nate was about to strike out. Instead, however, Nate started to tremble, his voice jittery and broken,

“What floor is it?”

“We only want the first floor, right?”

Nate nodded like a broken nodding dog and started mashing the ‘1’ button furiously.

“Hey, it’ll only take a minute, stop-“ As Alex tried to calm Nate’s odd erratic behaviour the lift suddenly stopped moving and the lights flickered off. A pale blue hue lit up their faces and a small red flashing light began to pulse on the small screen next to the buttons.

“Shit,” Alex puffed out his cheeks, “Looks like it broke down.”

“Why.” Nate’s voice seemed almost robotic as it wafted through the dark metal box.

“I dunno. I’ll press the emergency button.” Alex’s thin finger pushed the alarm button but only a hollow tin sound echoed back, “Ah, fuck. It’s not working. Do you have your phone?”  
He felt Nate nod again beside him and then Nate’s phone was suddenly in Alex’s hand. He was about to ask why Nate didn’t just use it when a clammy hand brushed against his fingers and shakily gestured towards the bright screen,

“Ca- Call Si,” Nate all but whispered, his voice almost hoarse.

“Nate, do you feel ill? Maybe it was that donut you had on the way here, it looked like something puked rainbows on it.”

With no response from his lift companion, Alex pressed Simon’s call button and waited for the older twin to answer. After only two rings his confident voice was on the other end.

“What do you want, bastardo?”

“Um…”

“Alex? That you?” There was a sudden intake of breath on Simon’s end and then his voice rattled out like a runaway train, “Is Nate okay? What’s happened? Why do you have his phone? Did he get in an accident? Are you-“

“No, no he’s fine!”

A sigh on the other end.

“Actually, we’re stuck.”

“Together?”

“What? No. We came shopping and got in a lift and-“

“You’re in a lift? With Nate?” Simon suddenly sounded extremely anxious.

“Yeah, I think it’s broken down or something and the alarm button isn’t working.”

“Where exactly are you?” Alex could hear Simon pulling on a coat and then the jingling of car keys.

“Westgate Shopping Mall. I’m sure if you could just ring the management or something they’d get us out.”

There was silence for a moment as Simon got into his car and then his stern voice was suddenly in Alex’s ear again.

“You need to –eep him calm,” the line was starting to fuzz, “Don’t let him –anic.”

“The line’s not very good, I can’t really hear you.” Alex felt extremely awkward talking to the other twin for so long. He’d only spoken a few words to him and now it was one-on-one it was embarrassing.

“Nate’s claustr- He doesn- spa- …”

The phone cut off and Alex stared at the tiny buffering symbol on the screen until it went completely dead. He knew exactly what Simon had been trying to say; it explained why Nate was in such a panic and why he looked so ill. He tilted his head to look up at the younger twin and handed him his phone.

“The battery’s dead.”

Nate automatically put the phone in his pocket and remained silent.

“Hey,” Alex tried his best ‘soothing mother’ voice and lightly touched Nate’s arm, “Simon’s going to sort it, okay? We’ll be out in no time.” 

With slow motions, he guided Nate to the back of the lift and forced him to sit down in the hope that being smaller would make the confined space seem larger. It didn’t seem to help much, however, as Nate’s breathing remained rapid and his fists stayed clenched by his sides.

“I’m so sorry for dragging you in here, I had no idea you were claustrophobic.”

Slowly, Nate looked at Alex as he sat beside him and tried to force a smile. It didn’t work, instead he looked almost possessed as the pulsing red light reflected in his hair. He bit his lip to try and stop it trembling and breathed in loudly.

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.” A bead of sweat trickled down his temple and he swiped it away shakily, suddenly aware of how stupid he must look. “God, I must look like a fucking idiot.”

“You mean like someone who slices into their own skin just to watch it bleed?” Alex smiled as Nate’s shoulders relaxed a little, “I think we’re both losers to be honest.”

Nate’s knuckles had turned white with the force of his fists and his wrists were aching from the pressure but he just couldn’t seem to relax himself at all. The silver walls of the lift seemed to be closing in on him, constricting his movement and crushing the oxygen from the small space. His breath caught and he clenched his eyes shut in the hope that, when he opened them, the lift doors would miraculously open.

A soft touch on his right hand forced his eyes open and he watched, curiously as Alex lifted his fist with both of his smaller hands and placed it on his crossed legs. The blonde held Nate’s hand there like a precious stone and traced small circles on his knuckles as he spoke into the darkness.

“I don’t mind small spaces,” Alex’s voice seemed far away to Nate, like he was listening to it through a pipe or tube but he tried to concentrate on it nonetheless, “My room at home was tiny. I used to stay in it all day reading comics and stuff.” On his lap, he felt Nate’s hand tighten again and continued to talk soothingly, “I was a pretty cool kid, obviously.” That brought a slight chuckle from Nate, much to the pleasure of Alex, “What? You don’t think I’m cool?”

“Oh you’re the coolest. A proper dude.”

The sound of his own voice echoing off the interior of the lift was too much for Nate and his breathing increased once again. He brought his knees to his chest and pressed his palms firmly over his eyes in an attempt to seal himself off from the rest of the world. He was pretty sure he was hyperventilating and would pass out soon. In fact he hoped he would pass out soon so as not to be sitting awake in the box of death for any longer.

Alex felt the panic in the man beside him and desperately tried to think of a way to calm him down. Simon had specifically asked him to keep him safe and he was fucking it up just like everything else he ever did.

“Wh- When did you first know you didn’t like small spaces?” It was all he could think to do, keep him talking, try and distract him.

“You really think that’s a good topic right now?”

At least Nate’s wit hadn’t left him yet.

“Probably not,” Alex admitted, “Then… What was your last girlfriend like?” He thought talking about something nice would help calm the redhead.

Nate breathed a laugh, “A pain in the arse.” He looked down at Alex, “I got stuck in a toilet.”

For a moment Alex didn’t know whether to laugh or not. He opted to cock an eyebrow and looked quizzically at his companion.

“What?”

“On a plane,” Nate’s hands were balled into fists once again and Alex took one without thinking as the redhead continued his story, “We were flying to Spain. We were seven.”

Alex noted the constant ‘we’s’ whenever Nate spoke about he and his brother and a warmth seemed to fill his heart. He wished he had had such a strong family upbringing.

“I needed to pee,” Nate continued, “So I went to the loo on the plane. I wouldn’t usually do anything without Si but he was asleep so my Mum told me to go by myself. Anyway, the lock jammed and I was stuck in the toilet until we landed.”

“Sounds scary,” Alex felt Nate’s fist relax slightly and rubbed the back of his hand with his thumb.

“It was. But Simon sat outside the door the whole time, talking to me and stuff…”

The sheen had returned to Nate’s skin and he looked extremely pale. He suddenly whipped his hand to his mouth and mumbled through his fingers.

“I might throw up.”

“Gross.”

Alex’s comment received a swipe to the head by Nate but he managed to duck just in time, laughing slightly as he did so. With a deep breath, Nate lowered his shaky hand and leaned his head back against the cold wall of the lift. His heart was racing, he was pretty sure that if he looked down at his chest he’d be able to see it jumping up and down under his shirt. His hand was still in Alex’s, their fingers now intertwined, and the human contact felt good.

“Alex?” Nate’s eyes were closed as he spoke into the darkness.

“Hmm?”

“Was it weird that I kissed you?”

He felt the smaller hand in his own tense for a moment before the blonde answered.

“No.”

“How come?”

“I’ve kissed guys before.”

Nate’s lip twitched involuntarily, “Oh. You’re gay?”

“Probably.”

“Oh.”

Nate opened his eyes only to be met with Alex’s bright blue orbs staring back at him. The younger lad was only inches from Nate’s face, his hair tickling his nose. Nothing about it felt uncomfortable though, in fact it felt much better the closer Alex got. Of course, the whole situation would have felt much more comfortable if the two of them weren’t trapped in the cramped  
space that could fall at any given moment.

Alex seemed to sense the battling emotions in Nate and sat back down beside him, still holding his trembling hand.

“Still feel sick?” Alex asked as he stretched out Nate’s slender fingers one by one.

“Only when I breathe.” Nate stretched out his fingers as Alex traced them gently, “That feels nice though.” He smiled, momentarily soothed as Alex continued.

Silence fell between them. Not an awkward silence that needs to be filled with weather and TV shows but a calm, relaxed silence that felt truly comfortable. Nate’s breathing slowed and his heart teetered down to a steady thump rather than a thundering gallop.

They both jumped when something outside the lift doors clanged loudly and a muffled voice seeped through the gap.

“If you don’t get this fucker open in two minutes I’m going to use your head to pry the doors open.”

It was Simon.

Nate groaned, half out of sympathy for whoever was on the receiving end of his twin’s anger and half out of nausea. Alex took the sound as one of pain and swung his free arm around the taller man’s shoulders as best he could. It looked like a child trying to comfort their parent.

“Just pull them open!” Simon’s voice was becoming irate, “Here, I’ll do it!”

The metal claws of a crowbar appeared through the gap in the lift doors and slowly the sliver of light became a small gap and finally a human-wide space that flooded the lift with artificial light. Simon stood in the light, holding the crowbar like some sort of apocalyptic Jesus figure.

Simon’s arms were around Nate before the latter could get to his feet and then around Alex just as fast. 

“Thank you for looking after him, Alex.” 

For once, Simon sounded sincere as he unravelled himself from the blonde and helped his brother to his feet. Nate was still shaking and in the brighter lights he looked even worse than he felt.  
Alex followed the twins out into the mall and offered to get Nate some water as they sat down on one of the benches surrounding a large fountain filled with coins, leaving the brothers alone.

“You moron,” Simon punched Nate’s arm, albeit much softer than he usually would have, “Why did you go in there?!”

“I was in before I knew. I didn’t think…”

“Are you going to throw up? The toilets are over there.”

Nate shook his head, “I don’t think so.”

“Good. Don’t. You know I do when you do.” Simon placed a palm on his chest, “God, that was horrible. Scared the shit out of me when Alex rang. I’m pretty sure I ran over some children on the way here.”

Nate faked a smile. Why he did that he had no idea, he knew that Simon would know immediately that it wasn’t genuine. His brother ran a hand through Nate’s hair, pushing it back from his forehead so he could take his temperature like their mother used to do.

“You’re hot,” Simon pulled his hand away and it came away wet, “And sweaty, yuck.”

“Cheers, Si.”

“You need to go home. Want me to come with?”

Alex returned with a bottle of water and Nate took it, taking a long swig before answering his brother.

“No, we’re alright. Thanks, Si.”

Simon ruffled Alex’s hair until it resembled something that David Attenborough should be narrating and then drove the pair home, noticing the silent and invisible tether that seemed to be pulling his brother and Alex closer and closer together.


	10. Risks

Chapter 10: Risks

Nate waved as Simon dropped Alex and himself back home; his legs didn’t feel like they belonged to his body and he was sure he must look like a Thunderbird with no strings attached as he rushed inside the house. Simon had been right, he was feeling too hot, clammy even, and the room seemed to be spinning slightly as he flopped onto the sofa and stared at the ceiling.

“Want something to drink?” Alex’s voice made Nate jump a little. He’d been silent the whole drive home and Nate had almost forgotten he was there.

“Tea, please.” The redhead closed his eyes to shut out the spinning room, “And some aspirin. They should be in the cupboard above the sink.”

Alex returned with the tablets and tea and sat beside Nate. He almost spilled his drink into his lap when Nate suddenly spoke, eyes fixated on his mug.

“So…” he ran his hand through his tousled ginger mane, “Sorry about all that. I don’t usually start dates off by having a full-on panic attack.” He was going to continue with something witty to try and make light of what had happened at the mall but noticed Alex’s white-knuckled grip on his own cup and wide, frightened eyes. “What?” Nate placed his own mug on the floor, “What’s wrong?”

The wide eyes turned slowly to look up at Nate as a pink blush peppered Alex’s cheeks.

“’A date?’ We were on a date?”

Nate’s teeth clamped down so hard that his eyes watered and heat spread from his chest to the top of his head. His mind was suddenly racing, filled with questions and confusion, conflicting emotions and an overall sense of something being released, like a floodgate opening. Wave after wave of uncertainty washed over him until finally his mind became clear and everything seemed so obvious. He felt like an idiot for not noticing it before.

“I think so.” Nate turned to face his companion and gently traced his thumb along the scar on Alex’s chin, “Would you mind if it was?”

Alex’s baby blues looked away in an attempt to avoid Nate’s intense gaze but he could still feel those emeralds tunnelling into his soul, testing his self-restraint and prickling his skin. He’d tried to avoid this conversation since the moment he’d realised he liked the redhead as more than just a landlord or friend. The last time he’d voiced his feelings for another man – the first and only time – he’d received eight new scars and some broken ribs, courtesy of his step father. He felt now was different though, he felt calm and hopeful and most of all safe.

With some force, Alex brought himself back to the present moment. ‘Would he mind’? Of course he wouldn’t bloody mind! It was Nate who was uncertain right? Alex chewed on his lip and gripped the larger hand of his friend which rested on his chin. Surely this was a joke? His feelings weren’t being reciprocated, of course not.

“Don’t mess around, Nate.” The emeralds seemed to lose a little of their sparkle as Alex continued, “I’m not here just to satisfy your curiosity.” Much to his own annoyance, Alex’s voice cracked and he had to clear his throat before he could continue, “You don’t know how I feel and-“

A long finger pressed against Alex’s lips, silencing him. The older man sighed and smiled warmly.

“I’m not saying I know exactly what it is I want, I’m just saying that I’d like to try it,” he rolled his eyes and almost pulled at his hair, “Hell, I don’t even know what ‘it’ is! All I know is that I feel like I felt when I had a crush on Tiffany Lester in school but like, a hundred times worse. I want to take care of you, be with you…” His lips pressed together in a thin line and his eyebrows almost touched as he stared intently at Alex, “Most likely in a gay way.” Nate nodded like he was totally pleased with the way he’d chosen to voice his feelings but all Alex could do was stare back.

After a few seconds he couldn’t hold it in any longer, Alex burst out laughing, great guffaws as tears spilled down his cheeks. Nate looked hurt and terribly confused.

Alex gasped between bursts of laughter, “I’m sorry… You just looked so serious… ‘Most likely in a gay way’, no shit Sherlock!”

This time it was Nate who laughed; he smacked Alex’s arm and folded his across his chest and huffed, bottom lip jutting outwards.

“Well sorry if that’s not the right way to do it! I’ve never confessed to a man before!”

The laughing subsided and a small smile spread across the blonde’s face.

“I wouldn’t mind at all.”

“You wouldn’t?” The redhead looked relieved yet somehow anxious as his mouth gaped open. “Right, well… I honestly don’t know what to do now. I hadn’t thought this far ahead.”

“Can we start slow?” Alex asked, “That way, if it doesn’t work out, neither of us will be disappointed.”

Nate nodded and Alex smiled but neither of them acknowledged the fact that they would be utterly destroyed if something went wrong.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That night in the shower, Nate was trying to piece together the day. It was certainly one he would never forget, what with his decision to ask Alex out (he felt like a stupid teenager) and his ordeal in the lift. The water on his hands felt strange and he realised that he was still trembling, perhaps from the tension of confessing his feelings but most likely from facing his worst nightmare in the shopping mall. Suddenly the glass walls of the shower felt too constricting, too enclosed and he fumbled for the handle to slide open the door. 

His heart was starting to race, he could feel it beating hard against his chest, and his shaking hands were clumsy as they reached for the door, missing every time. The water was still beating  
down on him, steaming up the shower and making his breathing even more ragged. Shit, Nate thought as a black ink seemed to seep into his vision, I’m gonna pass out if I don’t get out right now.

Just as the redhead felt his knees weaken and darkness overtake his sight, the shower door slid open with a loud clatter and he fell outwards onto something softer than the floor but awkward nonetheless. Slowly, he opened his eyes to find Simon holding him upright, t-shirt soaked through and green eyes focused with worry.

“Jesus, Nate what the hell.”

“Si?” His words felt far away, like he was throwing them rather than using his tongue to speak them, “Why are you here?”

Simon pushed Nate’s damp hair away from his eyes and held the top of his brother’s arms firmly so he wouldn’t topple over.

“I came to check on you and Alex said you were having a shower. How many times have I told you to have a bath after you’ve had an attack? Pillock.”

“Sorry.”

Simon rolled his eyes and ruffled his twin’s hair, “Come on, let’s get you some clothes. Your dick’s pressed up against my leg and its making me uncomfortable.”

“S’bigger than yours.”

“In your dreams little brother.”

Once in a t-shirt and some boxers, Nate felt a little more alive; he stepped into the living room where his brother, Kyle and Alex were watching some idiot eating worms on TV. Kyle was sitting on the older twin’s knee on the armchair and seemed to be turning a lovely shade of grey. He was thankful when Nate distracted them from the worm buffet.

“Nate!” Kyle smiled, “How’re you feeling?”

“I think I’m okay now, thanks. That won’t be happening again any time soon.”

“Shame,” Kyle pressed his palm to the wet patch on Simon’s t-shirt, “I kinda liked the wet t-shirt look.”

“Do you want food?”

“We ordered pizza,” Simon spoke as his eyes remained on the television, “No peppers, no onions, no tomatoes.”

Nate gave a weak thumbs-up and plonked himself down beside Alex who shuffled a little closer to absorb some of the heat left over from Nate’s shower. He tensed when Simon suddenly raised his arms in the air and clapped loudly.

“OH!” Simon held out his hand to Kyle who was looking extremely agitated, “Pay up, loser!”

“No way! I can’t believe you were right!” Kyle adjusted his glasses and dug into his pocket for some notes, which he handed to Simon reluctantly.

“Twins,” he wiggled his finger between himself and Nate, “We know each other.”

Utter confusion had clouded Nate’s already exhausted mind and he was in no mood for riddles.

“What are you going on about?”

“I won the bet,” Simon replied, deadpan.

“What bet?”

Simon stretched and patted Kyle’s head like an obedient puppy before gesturing towards his brother and Alex, “That you two would do the deed.”

Nate heard Alex’s mouth fall open and before he knew it he was on his feet, pointing the remote at his brother like a sword, ready for battle.

“We haven’t- What are you talking about?!”

“Oh come on, Fuckleberry Finn, it’s written all over your faces!”

Alex shook his head so hard that his hair flicked into his eyes, making them water.

“You’re wrong. We haven’t done anything yet-“ Before the words escaped his lips he knew he’d regret them. He wanted to swallow them back down and melt into the sofa but Simon was too quick. The older twin was already on his feet, almost sending Kyle flying into the TV, and pointing at his brother.

“So you are an item! I knew it!”

“No, we…” Did he really want to deny it? And to his brother of all people. No, Nate decided, he wasn’t ashamed of anything, why should he pretend otherwise? “Yes, alright, fine.”

Simon turned to Kyle, who’d managed to pick himself up, and smirked evilly, 

“Knew we’d weasel it out of them.”

The penny dropped and Nate saw red, “So there was no bet?! You tricked us?!” He launched at his brother just as the doorbell rang and instead of tackling Simon to the ground, his target moved to answer the door and Nate ended up on Kyle, almost head-first in his crotch. Simon opened the door to a very bored looking delivery boy whose eyes almost bulged out of his pimple-covered face when he saw Nate and Kyle tangled on the chair. Simon took the pizzas and paid him before shutting the door in his face, oblivious to the fact that the boy looked utterly traumatised. He clicked his tongue at Kyle as he handed Alex a pizza.

“Now, now. I won’t take ‘I thought it was you’ as an excuse this time, Kyle.”

A cushion launched at Simon’s face as Kyle shoved Nate away from him,

“That was one time!”

With pizza already shovelling into his mouth, Nate returned to the sofa beside Alex and Simon sat crossed legged on the floor next to his love. He could see Alex was dying to ask what had happened at the aforementioned time and so Simon turned on his best ‘storyteller’ voice, smiling as he watched Kyle’s ears turn red beside him.

“Kyle here has mistaken us for each other a few times but only once when it actually mattered.”

“Do we have to have this story?” Kyle waved a slice of pizza towards Alex and Nate, “We just found out they’re having a thing, that your brother’s gay and you want to talk about me?!”

Simon waved off his comment like it didn’t matter, “I’ve known he’s gay for ages, that’s old news,” Nate looked like he wanted to ask something but the older twin continued, determined to continue his story. “Anyway, Alex, as I was saying, Kyle here has only mistaken Nate for me once when it really mattered. I don’t know how or why, as I’m clearly the better looking one but anyway, it happened.

We’d been dating for about six months and Kyle had been allowed to ‘sleep over’ at our house, wink wink nudge nudge. Anyway, it was the morning after and I was in the shower when I heard this massive squeal like a stuffed pig.”

“I did not squeal!” Nate interjected, “It was a manly yell.”

“He squealed. I came running out the shower wearing nothing but a smile only to find my boyfriend and brother necking on in my room!”

Kyle almost choked on his pizza, “We weren’t ‘necking on’! It was over before it started!”

Simon ruffled Kyle’s hair, knocking his glasses clumsily, “They were on my bed, Nate looking like he’d been told that Santa’s not real and Kyle looking dazed as fuck. He’d just woken up, see, and didn’t have his glasses on. Even if he’d had them on, at that age me and Nate were pretty much the same person so it wouldn’t have made much difference. He’s blind as hell without his specs and had thought Nate was me and, well, gave him a morning snog.”

“It was an innocent mistake!” Kyle groaned.

Alex was smirking, trying not to laugh.

“So,” the blonde turned to Nate, “I’m not the first male you’ve kissed?”

Simon’s laughter bellowed off the walls and Nate hoped an asteroid would fall from the sky and bury them right there and then.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The evening continued with the four men laughing and joking into the early hours of the morning; Nate fell asleep at around one and Simon and Kyle took that as their cue to leave. Before the older twin left he caught Alex alone in the kitchen as Kyle grabbed their coats. The blonde looked a little uncomfortable with just the two of them in the small space but stayed nonetheless, sensing Simon had something to say.

“You know Nathan’s pretty confused at the moment, right?”

It took a moment for Alex to understand he was talking about Nate as he nodded slowly.

“I know. I’m not expecting too much.”

Simon sighed and ran his hand through his red hair, resembling Nate more than ever for a split second, “I’m not saying he doesn’t have feelings for you. In fact, this is the most I’ve ever seen him falling for someone. And if he means it, if he loves you, it could get pretty intense. You okay with that?”

Alex felt his chest tighten a little. He wanted it to get intense, he wanted to love Nate and be loved back as much as his heart would allow. Before he knew it, tears were running down his cheeks and he swiped at them quickly.

“I’m totally fine with that.” 

He smiled through the tears and Simon smiled back before giving him a lanky hug and a soft punch on the shoulder.

“Take care of my little brother, okay?” He met Kyle at the front door and looped his arm around the smaller man, “See you later, Alex!”

Simon’s goodbye stirred Nate from his sleep and he slowly opened his eyes, groggy and stiff from sleeping on the small sofa. He stretched, bones cracking, and winced as his knee twinged.

“You’re lucky to have such a nice brother.”

Across the room, on the armchair, Alex was smiling at Nate. He reminded him of some old man who used to read stories on the TV when he was small and it made him chuckle. He gestured for Alex to sit beside him and he did, arms touching as he dared to sit as close as he could. Nate wrapped his arm around the blonde’s shoulders and hugged him closer, inhaling the sweet smell of his shampoo and faint scent of peppers from the pizza. Alex looked up at the taller man as they sat together, holding each other properly for the first time. It didn’t feel too strange. Perhaps a little odd but nothing compared to how it felt not being able to be so close. It felt warm and safe in Nate’s arms and somewhere Alex didn’t want to be torn from.

A huge yawn that almost engulfed Alex informed Nate that he should probably go to bed; he kissed the top of the blonde’s head and got to his feet, albeit a little wobbly as his knee almost gave way under his weight.

“Time for bed, I think.”

“Yeah…” Alex stood up and followed Nate into the hallway. As the redhead started to ascend the stairs, Alex grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt and spoke with his eyes plastered to the floor, “Can I… I mean, if it’s too weird just say so but…” He was struggling to find the right way to say it and was thankful when Nate grabbed his hand and pulled him up the stairs silently.

Nate’s bedroom was a little larger than the one Alex was using downstairs; it was a light shade of brown with a plush cream carpet and a large king-sized bed in the centre. Two bookshelves filled one wall, occupied with horror novels, science books and a couple of autobiographies by people Alex had never heard of. He perched himself on the edge of the bed and waited for Nate to finish using the bathroom.

“I am knackered.” 

Nate flopped face-first onto the bed and crawled under the covers like some sort of aquatic creature that was making its way back to the sea. Alex tried to calm his racing heart as he joined him under the sheets and lay on his back, staring at the ceiling, knuckles turning white as he gripped the duvet tightly.

“Mind if I turn the light off?” Nate asked, voice sloppy with tiredness.

“Go ahead.”

Alex swallowed loudly as the light went out and lay silently for almost a minute before the light flicked back on, suddenly flooding the room.

“Christ,” Nate breathed, “You weren’t expecting something to happen were you? Because I am so tired and honestly would not know where to start if you wanted to do something kinky.”

And just like that the tension dissipated. Alex felt his muscles relax and he smiled at his bed buddy before lifting his hands from under the covers.

Nate noticed that Alex was wearing one of his t-shirts and suddenly remembered why they’d gone to the shopping centre that morning. With all of the commotion in the lift he’d totally forgotten their original purpose.

“You still have no pyjamas!”

“I’ll get some tomorrow, it’s okay.”

“I’m at work tomorrow though,” Nate yawned loudly and his protests seemed to calm a little, “I wanted to go with you too.”

“Do you want me to wait until you have a day off to get them?”

“Don’t be daft,” Nate’s eyelids were drooping and he sounded almost drunk when he spoke again, sleep overtaking his thoughts, “Just make sure they’re sexy…”

Alex leaned over his sleeping love and turned off the light.

“Weird day,” he whispered to himself.


	11. Old Wounds

Chapter 11: Old Wounds

7:30am. A crammed bus. Nowhere to sit and a screaming baby. ‘Perfect’, Nate thought to himself as he stared through the smudges on the bus window into the dreary, rain soaked London streets. He adjusted his position for the umpteenth time, trying to relieve the pressure on his throbbing knee, and accidentally elbowed the young lady beside him in the back of the head. 

“Oh, sorry!”

The young blonde turned, scowling through thick eyelashes. Her expression seemed to soften, however, when she saw Nate’s lanky self and she smiled as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, an obvious flirt.

“No problem,” she held her bag closer to her body, a very fine body Nate noticed, and bit her lip teasingly, “It’s a bit cramped on here, right?”

“Sure is.”

With that not-so-subtle bite of the lip, Nate knew she was trying to flirt and sure, she was pretty, a nice figure and about his age but none of that mattered. He was taken, and not just in a casual girlfriend way, hell, not even in a girl way. Nate was pretty sure he was in love for the first time in his life and as scared as that made him feel, his pure joy and contentment overruled any doubts. 

As the flirty blonde started to look away awkwardly, Nate realised he’d pretty much just dropped the conversation and was grinning to himself like an utter moron. The look on the lady’s face was more of pity now, probably believing that she’d tried to flirt with someone with some sort of mental illness. 

Only five minutes until his stop and the redhead had finally managed to find a seat; his aching knee thanked him silently and he continued to stare blankly out of the bus window as he remembered what had happened that morning.

 

Morning came like a slap in the face. A cramp in his arse and a pain in his knee that felt like someone had started to hammer a nail into it woke Nate up suddenly and rudely. The night before came flooding into the present and for a moment, the redhead was scared to open his eyes and find that it had all been a dream. That wasn’t the case, however, and when Nate finally opened his sleepy emerald eyes, Alex was still lying next to him, snoring softly. It must have been warm during the night because the blonde had pushed the covers off of himself and taken the borrowed t-shirt off, leaving his torso exposed.

Mottled scars and old wounds littered Alex’s chest and stomach; thick gouges that had obviously been created using a belt dug into his ribcage and smaller, circular indentations peppered his chest and stomach. Along his arms, thin razor-like lines like tiger’s stripes reached from his wrists to his elbows, a couple of which were fresher than the others. Nate gritted his teeth as anger rose in his throat at whoever had brought Alex to such a place that he would want to harm himself, and he didn’t even notice he had his hand wrapped around the youngster’s forearm until Alex’s bright blue eyes met his own. Nate opened his long fingers and released his arm quickly as the blonde sat up.  
“Morning.” 

Alex’s voice was hoarse and he rubbed his eyes in a feeble attempt to gain some clarity through the sleepiness. He didn’t think he would sleep well at all, what with being in someone else’s bed, but the warmth of Nate’s presence had actually helped him sleep all night. Perhaps the safety of someone by his side had given him a sense of peace.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” 

Nate tried to force a smile but the sight of Alex’s scarred torso was burning an angry hole into him. Noticing Nate’s troubled look, Alex pulled the sheets up to his chin, a little embarrassed at the attention.

“You can ask, you know,” Alex placed his right hand in Nate’s and turned his arm over so that the scars were visible, “I don’t mind.”

How did one even start to ask about something like that? Nate didn’t know the first thing about self harm or abuse and he felt like he was wading further and further into uncharted waters with nothing but deflated armbands for help. He sighed and gently traced a long thin scar on Alex’s wrist with his finger.

“I don’t know where to begin,” he shrugged, honestly, “You don’t have to tell me why you did it.”

Alex’s lips twitched, “I don’t even know why I did some of them.” He pointed to one in the crease of his elbow, “This one was because my step dad hated me,” he pointed to another, “This was because I wanted to feel something other than numbness when my mother died, this one-”

“And what about the others?” 

Nate gestured to Alex’s damaged torso and the blonde fell silent. He bit his lip firmly and looked away at anything other than Nate’s pity-filled eyes. The twin opened his mouth to apologise as he realised he’d gone too far but Alex’s quiet voice broke the silence first.

“My step dad really hated me.” He tried to laugh but it came out choked.

“He did all that to you?” 

Nate’s fists were balled tightly and he noticed Alex pull away from him slightly, a crease forming between his pale eyebrows. Nate tried to calm himself but all he wanted to do was punch something and when he finally believed he could speak without shouting, he almost growled his words.

“Why?”

Almost curled in on himself, Alex’s chest moved rapidly as his breathing increased and he kept glancing at the door as though deciding whether or not to just run away physically and mentally. He stayed put, however, and let the sheet fall from his chin, revealing his torso and all its imperfections. He had decided to trust Nate and that meant exposing everything about himself, even if it was uncomfortable. He took a deep breath and tried to keep his voice level.

“He never liked me. Even when my Mum was alive, he made it very clear that he wasn’t my biggest fan. It was only after the accident that he started this, though,” he gestured to his damaged chest and stomach, “I think it gave him some sort of release. The more he broke me, the better he felt.”

Nate’s jaw flexed but he remained silent, letting Alex continue.

“He liked to use things too. Belts, cigarettes,” he traced a deep, curved scar on his right side, “This one was a spanner. I interrupted him when he was working on his motorbike and he wasn’t too pleased.”

“How long...” Nate swallowed hard and tried not to let his anger show, “How long did it go on?”

“A few months. I ran away when it started to get really bad.”

When it started to get bad? Nate was amazed that Alex had lasted so long. What kind of monster could do that to someone and feel no remorse? If Nate ever came across this man he swore to himself that he would kill him there and then. His anger must have been showing on his face, despite his best efforts to hide it, because Alex looked almost scared, eyes prickling with tears and had pulled the sheets up to cover himself once more. Nate ran his hands through his red hair and sighed heavily.

“I swear, I will never let anything like that happen to you again.”

Alex smiled and a single tear trickled down his cheek, “I know.”

The rest of the morning went much better. Nate made them some burnt toast and Alex decided to go shopping for pyjamas by himself whilst Nate was at work. They parted with a light kiss and big smiles and, for the first time in a long while, both men felt happy looking towards the future.

 

It was almost one thirty when Nate received a jab to the ribs as he cleaned the table closest to the window. He liked to spend a little longer on that particular area as it meant he could people watch through the window for a while and still look like he was working. Nothing particularly exciting was happening, however, and the most thrilling thing he’d seen was a seagull stealing some bread from a crow, not exactly ‘Game of Thrones’ level entertainment. Nate turned to look at his poker, knowing fine well who it would be, and wasn’t the least bit surprised to see Simon standing behind him, smiling as usual.

“Alright, dickhead.”

Nate dodged the second poke attack.

“Charming.” Nate flicked the dishcloth at his brother, “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“Half day!” Simon threw his hands above his head and said in a monotone voice, “Praise Jesus, hallelujah and all that.”

With a sigh, Simon plonked himself heavily into the chair at the table Nate was cleaning and started drumming his long fingers on the scratched veneer. He’d gone awfully quiet, not something he was particularly known for, and Nate didn’t have to be his twin to know that something wasn’t quite right. Knowing that Simon wouldn’t just come out with it, Nate pulled out the chair opposite and sat down.

“Okay, what’s wrong?”

Simon’s ginger eyebrows rose and he threaded his fingers together, a habit he’d picked up from their mother years ago and something that told Nate that his brother wasn’t in the best of moods.

“We had a fight.”

“You and Kyle?”

Simon nodded, eyes fixated on the fake wood grain of the table. Nate sighed, he’d had this conversation only a few times with his brother, he and Kyle rarely fought but when they did, Simon tended to blow things out of proportion and stress about the little things.

“What did you do this time?”

Green eyes looked up into identical ones. For once, Simon didn’t look like he was going to start complaining about something Kyle had done, instead he looked almost guilty. Now Nate knew something was up. His brother only ever looked that way if he’d done something to upset the most important person in his life, Kyle, and judging by the almost scared expression he wore, Simon definitely had something to be guilty about.

“I sort of… Punched him in the face.”

Nate’s jaw clicked as his mouth fell open and he had to promptly snap it shut as he decided the best way to deal with whatever had forced his brother to act so out of character. He decided the best approach was to probably just ask him straight out, it’s what Simon would do after all.

“Why the fuck would you do that?”

Simon ran his hands through his hair and shrugged his skinny shoulders, “I just snapped! We were talking about families and it ended up being about our parents and then he said I should go and see Dad!”

The last time Nate had seen their father was when they left after he’d attacked Simon for being gay. He was certainly not someone either of them wanted to see again and Kyle knew this, so why the hell would he ask Simon to go and see him?

Simon continued as Nate tried to wrap his brain around what Kyle could have possibly been thinking.

“He said I’d regret it if he suddenly died one day and I told him I didn’t want to see that bastard ever again but he was having none of it! Said I should just go!” Nate could see tears threatening to spill from his twin’s eyes but he let him finish. “Dad said if he ever saw Kyle again he’d hurt him and I couldn’t bear the thought of it...”

“So you hurt him instead? Nice logic.”

“I didn’t mean to! He just wouldn’t shut up, he’s so stubborn!”

“Remind you of anyone?” Nate stood up and placed his hand on Simon’s shoulder before squeezing it gently, “Go apologise, now.”

“What if he won’t forgive me? I think I broke his glasses!”

Nate’s mouth curled up at one side, “Yeah, you did.”

He gestured towards the door where Kyle had just walked into the shop. His left eye was bloodshot, the skin around it puffy and red and he didn’t have his glasses on. He looked much younger with them off and seemed to be struggling to look around with only one short-sighted eye working. Finally he spotted the twins, the elder of which had taken to hiding behind his brother, and joined Simon at the table. Kyle squinted at his lover as Simon held out his hand tentatively towards his bruised face.

Nate shuffled awkwardly beside his brother, “I should go and clean somewhere else.”

His exit was halted, however, by Simon who had locked his hand around Nate’s wrist and refused to let go. Obviously a little brotherly support was in order as Simon’s emerald eyes pleaded a silent ‘stay’.

“Kyle, I-”

Simon’s apology was halted by Kyle’s raised hand.

“You’ve only ever hit me once before and that was in school.” Simon remained silent, his hands creeping towards his lover across the table, “And that was because you were hiding how you really felt about me. Obviously it’s not okay to just punch someone whenever your emotions get too much but I understand I went too far this time. I won’t say I’m sorry because I still stand by what I said but I do understand now. I won’t bring up your father again.”

Amazed at just how mature and forgiving his lover actually was, the tears that had been threatening to spill from Simon’s eyes finally broke free and he gripped Kyle’s hands in his own across the table.

“I am so sorry! It’ll never happen again, I promise! You know I love you, you-”

“I know. I forgive you.”

Nate was surprised at just how calm Kyle was. He was even smiling a little at Simon’s apology.

“There will, however, be a punishment.”

Ah, there was the Kyle Nate had come to know.

Simon nodded vehemently, “Of course, anything to make it up to you!”

“No sex for a month.”

The enthusiastic nodding came to a sudden halt and Simon’s eyes almost bulged out of his head.

“A month?! Are you fucking kidding m-” A stern glare from Kyle was all it took to shut Simon up and he nodded, much more feebly this time, “Sure, why not. Maybe I’ll get lucky and my dick will fall off too. What a time to be alive.”

And with that the couple left, hand in hand. The entire ordeal had seemed almost surreal, like it had never actually happened, and Nate felt himself forgetting it almost immediately. The rest of his shift was uneventful and he found himself eager to get home to see Alex. It had been a long while since he’d actually wanted to go back to his home to see someone and nothing compared to the quiet buzz that seemed to encapsulate his entire being as he rode the bus home.

With a ridiculous grin on his handsome face, Nate burst through the front door, arms stretched like some sort of Disney princess, and announced his arrival. He was met with silence and assumed Alex was still out shopping until he stepped into the kitchen. There, at the small wobbly table in the centre of the room, was Alex. Opposite him sat an older guy with greying hair and a scowl on his face. 

Nate immediately noticed the stiffness of Alex’s shoulders and the way he seemed almost folded in on himself and glared at the man sitting at the table.

“Who the fuck are you?”


	12. Fateful Night

Chapter 12: Fateful Night

The man sitting at Nate’s kitchen table had short, choppy grey hair that floated around his face like cobwebs. His small, dark eyes narrowed as he glared at the redhead and he suddenly stood up, slamming his fist on the flowery tablecloth as he did so. With the way Alex reacted and seemed to cower away from the man it didn’t take Nate long to figure out who he was.

“You’re Alex’s stepfather.”

Fists balled at his sides, Nate stepped forward towards his love but the path was blocked by the scowling man. It took everything Nate had not to flatten the man right there and then. To think that this insignificant human could have hurt Alex so much and caused him so much physical and emotional pain was almost too much for Nate to bear. He wanted to force him to the floor and kick him until he bled but he didn’t want to scare Alex even more than he already was and so he took a deep breath and counted to ten in his head in an attempt to force his fists away from the man’s face.

“I’ve come to take him home,” his voice was deep and gravelly, like he’d been smoking for years. He pulled Alex to his feet forcefully and Nate could see all power and resistance quickly fade from Alex’s eyes.

Nate stood purposefully in the doorway, using his tall frame as a blockade, “He’s not going anywhere.”

A long, thing finger pressed into Nate’s chest with force as the smaller man gripped Alex’s wrist tighter.

“Oh, I think you’ll find he is! Do you know how long I’ve been looking for this little fucker?!” He squeezed Alex’s wrist again and Nate could have sworn he heard something crack, “This little shit owes me! All that time I wasted taking care of him and he runs off! Ungrateful bastard!”

With flared nostrils, Nate slapped the hand away from his chest, “’Taking care of him’?! You abused him! He stays here!”

“You think you can stop me, faggot?! You have no idea what I-” the man’s face seemed to slacken and his grip on Alex loosened enough for him to pull free. His stepfather looked like he had just seen a ghost and his pallor resembled one. He stumbled backwards and backed into the table, sending a glass shattering to the linoleum. Alex took the opportunity to move to Nate’s side, who held his hand in his larger one and squeezed gently. He looked down at Alex and smiled reassuringly.

“You alright?”

Alex nodded, “I will be.”

“It’s you!” 

The sudden outburst of the man made both Alex and Nate jump as their attention was once again drawn to Alex’s stepfather. His eyes looked crazed, wide in their sockets like a madman, and he was pointing to Nate as he practically screamed,

“It was you! I knew I recognised you!”

A glance from Nate to Alex confirmed that neither of them knew what he was talking about but he continued nonetheless. 

“You! You killed Lisa!”

“Mum?” Alex flushed and tears pricked his blue eyes.

The ranting continued.

“It was you, I know it!”

“I don’t-” Nate tried to speak but the man was too far gone, too determined to finish.

“In the other car!”

All colour drained from Nate’s face and his fingers lost their grip on Alex’s hand, allowing it to drop loosely to his side. The room seemed to be getting smaller, the walls closing in making it hard to breathe. 

“Last year, on the bridge,” the stranger’s voice echoed in Nate’s head like a gong.

Alex looked between the men, tears freely spilling down his cheeks, “What’re you talking about? Nate wasn’t-”

His stepfather raised his hand slowly to silence Alex and looked Nate dead in the eyes, 

“How’s your knee?”  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was raining. Raining harder than it had in a long time and Nate could barely make out the road ahead of him. He’d decided to take the back roads home in the hope that they would be less crowded, which they were. However, they were closer to the fields which meant they flooded easier and right now the road looked more like a dark, grey river. Thunder clapped overhead and in the distance the horizon lit up, momentarily bleached by a flash of lightning. The rain continued to pound on the windscreen and Nate slowed a little, conscious of the fact that a narrow bridge wasn’t too far ahead and, with such poor visibility, if someone was coming the other way it’d be an easy place for an accident.

As he slowed he caught a glimpse of headlights coming from the other side of the bridge and mentally patted himself on the back for being such a vigilant driver, even if his brother would disagree. The lights were coming fast, though, and before Nate had time to react, the other car skidded through the deep water on the road and onto the bridge. It swung wildly onto Nate’s side of the road and the driver’s side collided with the front of Nate’s car causing the air bag to deploy and the steering wheel to drop onto his legs. Through the bright red haze of searing pain, Nate watched helplessly as the other car spun out of control, lights illuminating either side of the bridge in quick succession, and then barrelled sideways into the stone wall opposite Nate’s car.

He passed out shortly after that and woke up in the ambulance, his knee swollen to the size of a melon. There were no charges, no court hearing. The driver of the other car said he ‘lost control’ on the slick road and nothing could have been done. Nate knew it wasn’t exactly the case but didn’t want to have to go through the rigmarole of court cases and the like.

A week or so later Nate heard that the passenger of the other car had died in hospital a couple of days after the crash. He’d felt sad about it and angry with himself for taking the back roads in such terrible weather conditions but he’d never felt responsible; it was the other driver who had been driving recklessly not him, he had nothing to feel guilty about.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Nate?” Alex’s baby blues were wide and tearful, full of unanswered questions and doubts, “How does he know about your knee, Nate?”

It felt like a huge, heavy rock was sitting in Nate’s stomach. He felt too hot and something in his throat was making it impossible to swallow. How could the dead woman from the other car be Alex’s mother? Why would fate deal such a cruel hand when things had been going so perfectly well? He felt Alex’s presence move slightly away from his side and looked to see the poor young lad hovering between himself and his abusive stepfather. Alex’s eyes were wide, like saucers, and he was biting his bottom lip so hard that it had gone white.

“Nate?” Alex’s voice broke around the word and it felt like a physical stab to Nate’s heart, “Why does Jim know about your knee?!”

“Because he was the one who killed your mother!” Jim’s growling tones were too loud for the small kitchen, too much for the small space to handle, “He was driving the car that hit us!”

The air seemed to have been sucked from the room, like it had suddenly become a vacuum and all that remained was a tense feeling of dread. Alex turned slowly to Nate, pure terror now etched onto his small face.

“You were in the other car?”

“Yes.” 

He was. There was no other way to answer that question. He knew he had to explain himself, tell Alex how it wasn’t his fault, it was the other driver that had been reckless and caused the accident. But there was no breath left inside his lungs, no thoughts in his mind that could quell the feeling of loss and imminent heartbreak that was surely to come. 

“You fucker!” Alex’s stepfather moved fast. He swung his meaty hand back and connected it with Nate’s cheek with a powerful blow that knocked the redhead to the floor, “I should’ve killed you there and then!”

Nate wiped his bloody mouth and looked only at Alex as he spoke, “It wasn’t my fault, the other car was going too fast, it-”

A kick to the ribs stopped his explanation as the angry man continued his assault. It was only when Alex stepped between them that Nate decided to react. The blonde had his hands over his face like he was preparing for a well rehearsed hit. Nate got to his feet shakily and grabbed the man’s raised fist before it could land a blow on Alex. No way was he going to let him hurt him again.

“How can you defend him?!” Jim yanked his hand free from Nate’s grip and glared at Alex, “Did you hear what I said? He killed your mother! His car hit us and-”

“Leave.” Alex’s voice was steady but his lip was trembling and tears were still continuously streaming down his face.

Jim scoffed and shoved his finger in Nate’s face, “You’re taking his side?!”

“Get out! I don’t want you here!”

Nate took the opportunity to grab Jim’s wrist and drag him towards the front door. Not without resistance, however, as the older man landed a punch to Nate’s ribs and a well placed kick to his pained knee, gaining a yelp from Nate and forcing him to the floor. Seizing the moment, Jim spun towards Alex, fists balled and ready to lace into the young blonde to teach him a lesson. He was almost in reach when the front door opened and a cheery-looking Simon walked in.

“Knock knock, bitches I’m-”

It took him only a second to assess the situation; his twin on the floor, bloodied and twisted in pain, Alex cowering in the corner as a man raised his fists to him. It took less time to step over said twin and grab the threatening man by the collar and drag him outside. Simon threw him to the ground, always more powerful than his younger brother, and stood on his hand with a shiny black shoe. He leaned over him, a tall powerhouse of authority.

“I don’t know who you are but you’ve hurt my brother and his friend and I don’t like you already.” He twisted his foot, grinding Jim’s hand a little harder, “Now you either go the fuck away or I’ll get really upset. Understand?”

He released Jim’s hand and he stood up shakily.

“This isn’t the end of this. That brother of yours killed my wife and that little brat he’s got living there is mine.”

Sensing he wasn’t going to win today, however, he turned and headed for his car. Simon watched and waited until the car was out of sight before darting back inside the house to check on Nate.

The first thing that struck Simon as odd was the fact that Nate was on the floor, practically writhing in pain, and Alex wasn’t beside him. The young blonde was still in the corner where he’d been threatened and seemed to be crying. No time to console him right now, however, as Nate looked like he’d been ten rounds with Mike Tyson. Simon knelt beside him and helped him to sit up.

“What the hell was that all about?”

Nate looked around anxiously, “Is he gone?” His right eye was swollen almost shut and he was squinting to glance around the room.

“He’s gone. Said his terminator piece and buggered off.”

“Is Alex okay? Where is-”

“I’m fine,” Alex had stepped closer, arms folded across his body as a protective barrier, “He didn’t hurt me.”

Nate physically relaxed but winced as the throbbing pain in his ribs and knee rose to the surface. He groaned and held his side, imagining the impressive bruise that would already be forming under his shirt and the questions Lily was bound to ask about his black eye.

“Who was that guy anyway?” Simon helped Nate to the sofa and grabbed some frozen peas from the freezer.

“My step dad,” Alex mumbled.

Peas securely against his cheek, Nate chanced a glimpse at Alex who was sitting in the big armchair opposite; he looked like he had the day Nate had brought him home: small, alone, scared. And it pained him to see his love in such a state, especially as it was his fault. Nate thanked Simon and told him to leave, albeit not without protest from his big brother, and suddenly they were alone again.

They sat in silence for what seemed like hours, waiting for the other one to speak first. The peas against his cheek had almost entirely defrosted when Nate decided it was his place to break the silence. He spoke through a thick lip and could taste blood as his tongue moved around in his mouth.

“Alex, I-”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

Nate stopped in his tracks. He’d planned out exactly how he was going to explain what had happened that day on the bridge but now Alex’s words had completely thrown him off balance. As his mouth gaped open like a dying fish, Alex continued.

“I know how Jim drives. He’s too fast, doesn’t care about anyone else on the roads. It was his fault not yours.”

“I… Yeah.”

“It is difficult though, knowing it was you in the other car.”

Nate nodded silently and watched as Alex joined him on the sofa. Blue eyes looked into green as they both tried to figure out what was next. How did they move on from something like this?

“I’m sorry.” Nate was prodding and poking at the frozen peas in his lap, ignoring the fact that they were melting and soaking through his jeans.

“I told you, it’s not your fault.”

“No, I’m sorry for not hitting him more. When I saw him I wanted to flatten him, scar him like he did to you.” He looked at Alex and touched his fingers to the scar along his chin, “What a fuck up of a day, huh?”

With an expression that was almost a smile, Alex nodded and shied away from the touch a little. It would take time for him to adjust to the new information but Nate could wait, they had nothing but time.


	13. Washed Away

Chapter 13: Washed Away

“AND NOW LADIES AND GENTS LET’S SEE WHO’S IN FOR THE CHANCE OF WINNING £20,000!”

Nate sat bolt upright like he was Frankenstein’s monster brought to life. It took him a moment to figure out where he was and who was speaking but a quick glance at the TV and a cheesy-looking game show host answered his questions.

“Sorry,” Alex was sitting on the armchair, desperately trying to use the remote to turn the volume down on the television, “It came on so loud.”

With a grimace, Nate swung his legs off the couch and sat upright – or as upright as he could get – and ran his hand through his hair. He felt like shit. Something in his side was continuously stabbing into him and his face felt like something had burrowed under his skin and was trying to burst out through his eye. Nothing compared to the constant throbbing in his knee, however. It was swollen to twice its usual size and it felt as though someone had poured broken glass between his kneecap and his skin. In an attempt to try and distract himself from the pain that was trying to force him unconscious, he looked over at Alex. The younger lad still looked shaken up; he was pale and his hands trembled slightly as they fumbled with the TV remote.

“What time is it?” Nate croaked, voice scratchy from sleep.

“About half seven. You fell asleep not long after Simon left so I thought I’d leave you to rest.”

Nate nodded, thankful.

“How’re you doing?” He knew the sudden arrival of his stepfather had shaken Alex up and the knowledge of Nate being the driver of the other car had been a pretty big blow, even if he did say he could cope.

Alex laughed a little, “Better than you I think.”

“Tell me the truth, am I still gorgeously handsome?” Nate laughed but regretted it immediately as his ribs screamed in protest.

Noticing his pain, Alex got to his feet. Of course he hadn’t been expecting to hear the news that his lover had been in one of the cars involved in his mother’s death but he knew Nate wasn’t to blame. Jim, his stepfather, had always been a reckless driver and the news of his mother’s death hadn’t even been that much of a surprise when Alex heard she’d been in the car with him. Subconsciously, however, there was just a little rat gnawing at the back of his mind, working hard to spike his anxiety and trying to find a reason to blame Nate for something. He shook his head, desperately trying to dispel the doubts that were trying to creep in as Nate wobbled to his feet.

“I’m gonna take a bath,” Nate stepped forwards and teetered slightly. 

He looked like he might topple over, all six foot three of him about to tumble to the carpet in a heap of arms and legs. Thankfully, Alex hooked one of Nate’s long arms over his shoulders and helped balance him, careful not to elbow him in his damaged ribs.

They made their way to the downstairs bathroom slowly. Alex believed he heard every swear word known to man and some that could possibly have been invented there and then come out of Nate’s mouth as he limped along the hallway. No weight was being put on his injured knee and Alex thought that he should probably go the hospital, what with it being an old injury and all, but he knew Nate would refuse if he suggested it.

“Alright,” the redhead gripped the door frame to the bathroom with a white-knuckled hand and tried to look casual as he clung onto it for dear life, “I can take it from here, thanks.”

“Oh, really?” Alex raised a blonde eyebrow and folded his arms as though waiting for something.

Stubborn as ever, Nate nodded and turned to step inside the bathroom only to catch his swollen knee on the door. More curse words tumbled from his mouth as Alex grabbed him awkwardly from behind. It had been his only option and now the two men stood, the smaller with his arms wrapped around Nate’s waist like his high school sweetheart. Behind him, Nate felt Alex’s cheeks burning through his shirt and wished that the moment didn’t have to be spoiled by the fact that he was so beaten up and bruised. It would have been a super sweet Kodak moment if not for his battered body and black eye. Nate linked his fingers through Alex’s as they rested on his stomach and he sighed, both angry and sad at the knowledge that they would have to let go at some point.

After only a few seconds, Alex unhooked himself from Nate and helped him to sit down on the toilet seat after lowering the lid. Silently, he turned on the bath taps and then a wave of anxiety seemed to wash over him like the steam rising from the tub. Now what? Was he going to watch Nate bathe? Should he leave him be now? Surely it was dangerous to let him climb in by himself when he was so beaten up? He was almost at breaking point when Nate answered his unspoken questions for him.

“Could you help me strip?”

Alex turned to see Nate tangled in his shirt like a fish in a net. The fabric was stretched over his shoulders and only a small crop of ginger hair could be seen poking through the top of it. With his torso completely uncovered, Alex saw the full extent of his stepfather’s brutal beating. An angry purple and red bruise had blossomed across Nate’s ribcage, reaching from just under his armpit to his navel. It looked painful and Alex couldn’t help but gently touch it with his fingertips.

“Ah,” Nate flinched at the touch.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“No,” Nate blindly grasped the air trying to find Alex’s hand and clasped it tightly when he did, “Your hands are cold… Now could you please get this sodding shirt off me?”

After untangling Nate, Alex helped him tug off his trousers, exposing the redhead’s swollen knee. It was huge and bright red with a darker bruise-like colour starting to form behind it. When Alex knocked it accidentally, Nate let out a small groan of pain, despite his best efforts to look like he was fine. Alex then sat on the tiled floor at eye level with Nate’s crotch. His pale grey pants were the only thing separating Alex from Nate’s completely naked form and he honestly did not know what to do with that information. Instead of looking for a solution he just sat and stared like a dog waiting for pizza to drop from its owner’s hands. Not exactly drooling but not as composed as he hoped he looked.

“Um...” Nate hopped to his feet (or foot, rather) and hobbled over to the bathtub, “I can probably get in myself if you want to go.”

“But you’re not naked yet.”

Nate’s teeth clacked loudly as his mouth snapped shut. It was not what he’d been expecting the blonde to say and he couldn’t think of any way to respond that would be appropriate. He saw Alex’s pale face suddenly start to redden and smirked at the obvious embarrassment of his love.

“I just mean, can you get those off by yourself?” Alex pointed to Nate’s underwear.

“Sure I can!” Nate bent to remove the pants but was stopped in his tracks by a pain in his ribs like someone twisting a knife, “Or maybe not.”

Alex swallowed loudly and stood directly in front of the taller man with his hands hovering above the waistband of Nate’s underwear. It wasn’t exactly how he’d pictured his first time seeing him naked but he supposed it couldn’t be helped. His fingers were just about to hook inside when Nate’s hands grabbed Alex’s wrists.

“I don’t want this,” now Nate was the one blushing as Alex’s baby blues looked up at him.

“I won’t look if you want, I’ll close my eyes.”

“No, I mean… I don’t want this to be the first time we do this,” Nate gestured to his crotch area wildly.

Alex stifled a chuckle, “I’m just taking off your boxers so you can have a bath.”

“But I wanted the first time you saw me like this to be, you know, sexier.” His face almost completely blended in with his red hair now and Alex couldn’t help but laugh at Nate’s pitiful expression.

“You’re super sexy, trust me.”

“I am?”

Alex nodded, smirking, “Oh yeah. The whole football knee and bruised puffy face are a real turn on.”

“Oh wonderful, mock the poor broken man some more.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll stop.” 

Alex smiled warmly and for the first time that evening looked like himself again. It relaxed Nate a little and the radioactive glow his skin had taken on began to ebb slightly. He reached down and caressed Alex’s cheek, pulling his face closer when the young blonde tried to pull away again. He wanted desperately for the events of that evening to have been a dream, a terrible nightmare that hadn’t really happened, but if they were to be real he didn’t want them to ruin what they’d managed to build up between them for so long. Nate loved Alex and he hoped the feeling was mutual.

“Please don’t stop,” Nate leaned down a little, ignoring the aches and protests of his beaten body, and kissed Alex’s lips gently.

There was a little protest from the blonde at first, a tiny voice in Alex’s head still gnawing at him, trying to convince him that he should never be happy, never feel loved. But he shook it away and deepened the kiss, wrapping his hands around Nate’s waist gently so as not to catch his bruises. A little shocked at the sudden cooperation of his love, Nate threaded his fingers through Alex’s hair and held him closer; he wanted to keep him that close forever, keep him safe from anything that threatened to hurt him ever again. The moment lasted for just that, a moment, and ended with Alex threading his fingers down Nate’s underwear and pulling them off in one swift movement.

Neither man spoke. Alex was crouched at Nate’s feet, having pulled down his pants, and Nate was standing awkwardly on one leg, completely naked. They both resembled tomatoes as their blushes deepened and only a small ‘huh’ escaped Nate’s lips to break the silence. Alex’s eyes remained glued to the tiled floor as he desperately tried to decipher why he’d thought ‘kegging’ Nate would be the best solution to their dilemma. With no clear answers springing to mind, he remained at Nate’s feet and tried not to die of embarrassment. 

“Well,” the redhead put his hands on his hips and chuckled, “That’s one way to get them off I suppose.”

“I’ll give you a hand getting in the bath.”

With the grace of a drunken ballerina, Alex spun so that he was facing away from Nate and stood up before turning around. He wasn’t quite ready to be face to face with his naked crotch just yet. Gently, he anchored Nate as he stepped into the bath, noticing the small tremors of the taller man as he rested some of his weight on his injured leg. The warm water seemed to help, however, as the crease between Nate’s eyebrows that had been present since he’d woken up faded and his eyes drifted shut.

“Oh my God that feels good.”

“I’ll leave you to it, then.”

Alex turned to leave Nate to his bathing but a damp hand wrapped around his slender wrist and pulled him back.

“Stay… Please?”

“Want me to make sure you don’t drown?” 

Alex teased and turned on his heel only to catch his foot on the discarded underwear on the floor. Three things happened: the young blonde toppled over the edge of the bathtub, Nate braced for impact and the two men ended up face to face in the warm, bubbling water.

“That did not just happen!” Alex groaned and pushed his dripping hair away from his face as Nate bit his bottom lip to keep the laughter in, “Don’t laugh, idiot!” Alex scolded as he splashed water into the redhead’s bruised face.

“I’m sorry!” Nate swept his own hair back with his wet hands, revealing his handsome yet battered face, “But that was fucking hilarious. You looked like Bambi!” He laughed loudly but his damaged ribs protested and he was soon reduced to a small chuckle.

Alex rolled his eyes and tried to stand up but was stopped by a strong hand on his arm. Gently, Nate pulled him closer and into another warm, wet kiss. His hands seemed to move on their own as they slowly travelled up Alex’s shirt and began to unbutton it clumsily. The soaked fabric clung to Alex’s torso as Nate peeled it off, revealing the mottled and scarred skin beneath. Their kissing came to an abrupt halt and Alex tried to pull the shirt back over his chest but Nate held it out, firm. Drips of water ran down the blonde’s chest, following the various fissures and patterns of the scars, and Nate watched almost fascinated by their movement. His long fingers reached out to trace some of the marks but Alex suddenly moved backwards, his back knocking the taps awkwardly. He sat between Nate’s legs, his own curled up to his chest.

“Sorry, I don’t think I can… No one’s ever touched me like this before.” He gestured to his broken torso, “Not gently, anyway.”

“You know I won’t force you to do anything, right?” Nate’s green eyes flicked down to the scars again but he forced himself to look away. “I just… I want to touch you, to hold you.”

Alex nodded, “I know. Just, not yet, okay? Not after everything that’s happened today.”

With his hands raised in defeat, Nate nodded and smiled. He knew it would take time for Alex to open up to him completely and, oddly enough, he felt like he could wait for eternity for that time to come. Wow, he thought as he watched Alex climb out of the bath tub, I’ve really fallen for him.

“You getting out now?”

Alex’s question threw him off a little, and it took Nate a moment to gather his thoughts.

“Might as well. I feel like if I stay in one position for too long my bones will heal and I’ll be stuck like that forever. I at least want to be in a cool pose.”


	14. Winding Roads

Chapter 14: Winding Roads

It had been almost two weeks since Alex’s stepfather had decided to try and destroy everything he and Nate had built up so far in terms of their relationship. Though he hadn’t fully succeeded, the abusive man had certainly managed to drive a small wedge between the two. It wasn’t a tangible wedge, neither man was acting significantly different to usual, but it seemed as though Alex was trying to find distractions whenever they were alone together. 

About three days after Jim’s visit, Nate had suggested the two watch a film in bed, obviously with an ulterior motive, but Alex was adamant that the sofa would be a much better option. This happened a number of occasions and Nate was beginning to wonder if there was something more to Alex’s aloofness. Of course he knew that Alex had issues with his body and intimacy and the redhead wasn’t trying to push him into doing something he was uncomfortable with, but he knew they had been closer – both physically and mentally – before the unexpected visit. Doubts were starting to fill Nate’s mind; maybe Alex had lost interest in him? Maybe he wanted someone younger, more playful. Maybe, just maybe, Alex had finally realised he wasn’t actually gay and was ready to fly the nest and hunt for some long legged, big breasted women. Okay, Nate thought, Maybe that one is a little far-fetched.

As he stared into the bathroom mirror at the fading bruise on his face, Nate decided that he was going to ask Alex flat-out what was wrong. There was no point in skirting around the issue if it was just making them both miserable and, although he was terrified of what the answer could be, the direct approach seemed to be the best idea.

Hobbling down the stairs (his knee and ribs were much less painful than two weeks ago but he was still on six painkillers a day just to keep upright), Nate heard voices echoing through the usually quiet house. As he stepped, or rather limped, into the living room he was greeted with a slap on the back from his brother and a sympathetic smile from Kyle. Alex was perched on the arm of the sofa looking through a pamphlet of some sort.

“We’re going camping!” Simon’s beaming face mirrored the one he always wore at Christmas when they’d been small, like he’d just received the best present ever.

Nate feigned excitement, “Woo. Have fun freezing to death.”

The elder twin’s face darkened and he looked somewhat sinister as he wrapped a heavy arm around Nate’s shoulders.

“Oh, we will. Because we’re all going!”

“What?”

Simon snatched the pamphlet from Alex and shoved it in his brother’s face.

“We’re going to Baywood Forest!” He whipped the pamphlet away from Nate’s face and begin sounding off the various activities listed, “To mountain bike, rock climb, trek through the beautiful countryside and much more! Hear that? Much more!”

The deadpan expression Nate currently wore on his face only echoed the lack of excitement he held. They’d only been camping once before and it had been a total disaster; Nate had gotten food poisoning and was throwing up for most of the week and Simon had fallen out of a tree and broken his arm whilst trying to catch a squirrel. Nate had pretty much made a silent pact with himself never to stay in the great outdoors ever again. As the memories of the trip all those years ago floated around in Nate’s mind, Simon – still grinning like the Cheshire cat – reminded him of them vocally.

“Remember when we went with uncle Rory? You got so sick!” He paused to laugh, much to the annoyance of his brother, “And I caught that squirrel!”

“You didn’t catch shit! You fell out the tree and broke your arm! And the caravan was bloody awful.”

“Ah,” Simon drummed his fingers together like Mr. Burns and grinned, “But this time will be so much better! Instead of a shitty caravan, we’ll be in tents! Like that guy on the tele, what’s-his-face.”

“Ray Mears?” Kyle pushed up his glasses and smiled, obviously he’d been pulled into Simon’s overenthusiastic madness.

Simon shook his head, “No, the one with the animal name… Lion Grylls! No, wait...”

Nate rolled his eyes and tried to flash a smile at Alex who, much to his surprise, smiled back.

“Bear Grylls, Jesus Christ.” Nate couldn’t help but laugh at his brother’s lack of pop culture knowledge. Being a lawyer didn’t really require too much daytime TV watching.

“Yes! Him!” With clawed hands, Simon crept closer to Kyle, like an idiotic bear stalking its prey, “We’ll get back in touch with nature and each other.” 

He hooked his arms around Kyle’s waist and lifted the smaller man off the ground with ease, pretending to bite his throat. Nate was pretty sure the ‘no sex for a month’ ban had been broken long ago, Kyle had practically no self restraint when it came to the older Laird twin. Their intimate interaction tugged at something inside Nate and his eyes drifted to Alex. Again, to Nate’s surprise, the young blonde lad was already looking his way with a similar expression. Seizing the moment, Nate stepped beside him and ruffled his hair with only a small flinch from the recipient.

“What do you think?” Nate asked quietly as the other couple fell on top of one another on the carpet, “Fancy getting back to your caveman roots?”

Alex seemed to contemplate for a brief moment and then nodded, “Sure, why not.”

 

Simon had given everyone one day to get their things together, ready for the trip. He had told Nate not to worry about the camping gear as he knew exactly where to buy tents and the like and so Nate and Alex had filled two duffel bags with t-shirts and jeans and a few extra pairs of underwear. 

Nate was currently sitting on his bedroom floor staring at the bulging bag trying to decide whether or not to pack the item in his hand. He’d bought said item a few days after he and Alex had decided to become a couple and honestly didn’t really know what it was for. When he’d asked in the store, a beautiful young brunette lady had pointed him in the direction of the ‘lotions and potions’ and he’d been so embarrassed that he just plucked the first one he came to. Now it felt heavy as he glared at the black bottle, hoping it would somehow answer his queries.

“I think Simon and Kyle are here.”

Alex’s voice made Nate jump and the bottle of lubricant flew out of his hand like a live fish making a bid for the ocean. He swiftly snatched it off the floor and shoved it in his bag to hide it, hoping to god that Alex hadn’t seen it.

“Okay,” the redhead’s voice broke and he cleared his throat, “I’ll be right there.”

Alex’s eyebrow rose quizzically but he shrugged off Nate’s odd behaviour as excitement for the trip and said no more. The pair hopped in the back of Simon’s Land Rover – he had another, less conspicuous car but demanded that he use the ‘outdoorsy’ car for the manly excursion.

“Remember everything, kids?” Simon asked as he turned to his passengers.

“Yes,” Nate flicked the cap that read ‘Camper 4 Lyf’ that was currently sitting atop Simon’s head, “Looks like you left your dignity at home though.”

“Ha, funny.” The driver turned to his co-pilot who was currently drowning underneath a huge map, “Know where we’re going, navigator?”

Kyle sighed, “Can’t we just use the GPS like normal people?”

“Never! We are men and we will act like such!”

Nate snapped on his seatbelt and leaned towards Alex, “4 gay guys in a car, the manliest men you could ever meet.” He winked, gaining a smirk from the blonde, and relaxed into the leather seat beside him, for once thankful for the tight space.

“It’s about three hours to the forest so we’ll stop off for something to eat on the motorway at some point. Tell me if you need to piss.”

And with those dramatic parting words, the four set off on their ‘adventure’.

 

Almost an hour into the journey and Nate was already sick of the sight of motorways. He could have sworn he’d seen the same family overtake them several times already and was convincing himself that everyone on the road was somehow a clone when a soft brush against his right hand made him turn away from the window. Gently, Alex’s fingers interlocked with his own, sending a warm rush of euphoria and peace throughout his entire being. The simple touch reassured Nate that his doubts about Alex’s love for him had been unfounded and they were both simply nervous and inexperienced in their relationship. It was brand new after all, especially since it was the first time the redhead had ever fallen in love with a man, or anyone for that matter. The relief must have shown on his face because Alex was suddenly beaming, a huge smile plastered on his face as he looked out of the window on his side of the car. Nate squeezed his hand tighter and raised their conjoined hands to his lips, kissing Alex’s fingers one by one, gaining a bright blush from his love.

Satisfied that he’d thoroughly embarrassed the younger man, Nate faced forward to look at more monotonous road through the windscreen, only to catch Simon’s eye in the rear-view mirror. His brother winked and unhooked his own hand from Kyle’s to point towards a service area.

“KFC okay for everyone?”

A unanimous grunt of approval rippled through the car and Simon pulled into the service spot car park. They quickly devoured the chicken and Simon and Kyle waited in the car as the others checked out the little shop beside the petrol pumps. It smelled of bleach and faintly of urine and most of the shelves seemed to be sticky with some unknown substance. Alex drifted towards the magazines whilst Nate eyed the liquor, which all seemed to be severely overpriced and off-brand. He eventually decided against the alcohol as his last experience with it hadn’t been so positive and joined Alex by the literature.

“You buying porn?”

Nate rested his chin on Alex’s shoulder, causing him to jump slightly. He swatted Nate away like an annoying fly with the magazine he held and tried not to blush at the comment. He failed.

“Don’t need it.”

Nate’s ginger eyebrows rose, “Oh really?” He wasn’t used to the flirting but welcomed it nonetheless, “And why is that?”

“Well, there’s a certain redhead,” Alex put the magazine back and turned to face Nate, blue eyes more alive than they had been in weeks, “Quite good looking, tall, a bit clumsy...”

“Go on.”

“Yeah, Simon’s quite a catch.” 

Alex grinned mischievously and darted out of the shop with Nate chasing after him (his knee complained but he was enjoying himself too much to care), gaining them a look of distrust from the cashier. They jumped back into the car out of breath and laughing, rudely interrupting a rather intense make-out session between the other pair. Never one to be phased, Simon straightened Kyle’s glasses on his partner’s bright red face and buckled his seatbelt, ready for the next part of their journey.

________________________________________________________________________________

Trees seemed to be the main theme for the second half of their drive; they whizzed past the car like someone was painting them on the window and the continuous blur of tranquil greens soon sent Alex drifting into a light sleep. His head flopped onto Nate’s arm and so he lowered him down until he was lying across his lap, brushing his light hair with his long fingers as he snored quietly.

“This doesn’t seem like the right way, Si.” 

Kyle’s voice broke the ongoing silence and Nate suddenly realised he too had been lulling to sleep. Frowning as he turned the huge paper map around on his lap, Kyle traced his fingertip along a thin line that wound and wiggled across the page.

“I think we should have turned left back there,” he pointed to another point on the map.

“It’s fine, we’ll get back on that road somewhere along here.” 

Simon flicked on the window wipers as spots of rain dotted the windows and the sky darkened. It didn’t exactly look like perfect camping conditions and Nate could see Kyle shifting uncomfortably, noticeably looking out for any signs of thunder and lightning.

“Hey,” Simon took Kyle’s hand in his own, “The weather said there’d be light rain. No mentions of a storm, okay?” Kyle nodded, confident in his lover’s words, and Simon continued, “Plus, we’re not going to get lost, we’ll be there soon. No harm ever came from taking a wrong turn.”

“Have you seen that film ‘Wrong Turn’?” Kyle laughed.

“Okay fine. What’s the worst that can happen? The car breaks down and we get eaten by mutant cannibal people, no big deal.”


	15. The Great Outdoors

Chapter 15: The Great Outdoors

The sudden lack of momentum jolted Nate from a sleep he didn’t even remember falling into. Groggily, he blinked and was met with a mop of blonde hair in front of his face. Somewhere on their journey through the trees, Alex must have woken up and Nate had fallen asleep with his head against the smaller man’s shoulder. He sat upright quickly but Alex was preoccupied with something outside of the window; his hands were cupped against the glass as he tried to see through the rain, which had become heavier at some point during Nate’s nap.

“What’re you looking at?” Nate croaked.

Without looking away from the window, Alex replied, “Simon thinks we’re here but there were no signs or anything.”

Unbuckling his seatbelt, Nate squinted out of his own window into the trees. Because that’s all there was to see. Trees. The car was parked in a small clearing of some sort in the middle of a forest. And, although it was obviously a man-made clearing, there were no picnic tables or signs of fire pits anywhere. There wasn’t even litter to show that humans had been there recently.

“We’re lost but he doesn’t want to admit it.”

Kyle’s statement didn’t surprise Nate in the slightest and he nodded silently. It was so like Si to act like a typical ‘man’ and refuse to admit defeat with something like this. He’d always been the same, even when they were small he would take charge and ignore instructions only to end up building shelves instead of a table. His stubbornness knew no bounds.

Nate sighed, “I’ll go and see what the prat’s doing.”

He opened the car door and stepped out into the rain, shielding himself as best he could with his thin jacket. It wasn’t pouring quite yet but there was a thick, wet mist in the air and a heavy sky overhead.

“Si! What’re you doing you knob?”

The elder twin turned away from a sign he’d been reading and stepped in front of it, his large body obscuring it from view. Totally aware of his brother’s attempt at concealment, Nate shoved him aside and read the worn out sign for himself. ‘Welcome to Baywood Forest,’ it read, ‘Enjoy our wide range of activities! ike Riding, Mo nta n C imbing and uch more!’ Some of the letters had been rubbed away by the weather but the thing that was most obscuring the writing was the fact that there was a large laminated ‘CLOSED’ sign hammered over the top of the sign. Nate slapped his brother on the back of his stupid head and pointed at the bold red letters.

“Great. Now, what?”

“We stay here anyway,” Simon nodded, his face serious.

“Stay where?” Nate gestured to the empty clearing, “There’s nothing here, genius!”

“We can go into the forest a bit and make a camp there! It’ll be fine.”

Nate groaned and ran his hand through his dripping hair, “Do we have to? We could just go and find a cheap bed and breakfast for the night.”

Using his best ‘older brother’ voice, Simon shook his head and folded his arms, “No, we came here to camp so that’s exactly what we’re going to do.” He tore the closed sign off and tossed it into a bush before marching back to the car.

Kyle looked expectantly at Simon, eyes wide behind his glasses, “So? Is this it?”

“Yep!” Simon opened the boot of the car and began hauling the camping gear and bags out before Kyle could question him more.

Resigned to the fact that Simon wasn’t going to let anyone spoil his manly excursion, Nate grabbed his bag and followed his brother into the dense woodland. Thankfully the rain had stopped but the sky still looked dark and ominous and the ground was squelching underfoot, not something Nate was enjoying what with his knee only just getting back to normal. He stepped over a fallen branch only to stand in a patch of mud and almost did the splits. If it wasn’t for Alex grabbing his arm, the redhead would have been singing soprano for the rest of his life.

“Thanks.”

Nate took Alex’s hand to find his feet again, grimacing as he put his leg down and felt the twinge in his damaged knee, and found himself grinning from ear to ear when the young blonde didn’t let go afterwards. They walked hand in hand for almost an hour as Simon led them further and further into the forest. When spots of rain began to drip from the canopy, Kyle seemed to finally snap and suddenly dropped his backpack on the ground with a dull thump. He took off his glasses, wiping them with his t-shirt.

“I think we’ve walked far enough into the ‘Deliverance’ forest don’t you, Simon?”

As if he’d been woken from a dream, Simon looked around as though assessing the area and then nodded, “Okay, sure. Let’s set up camp here then.”

An audible groan echoed through the group as they each pulled off their heavy bags and found some fallen trees to sit on. Simon seemed to be in full outdoor mode and the others simply watched as he started to pull out the pieces for the tents. Poles, rods, huge pieces of waterproof fabric and some plastic ties littered the small clearing as Simon tried desperately to figure out which piece fitted to what. After about twenty minutes of grunting and scratching his chin, the older twin’s puppy dog eyes blinked up at Kyle who had been watching him from the comfort of his dry tree-seat.

“What?” Kyle asked, munching on a granola bar.

“Help?” Simon practically squeaked, hating himself for needing to ask.

“Maybe if you tried looking at the instructions you might get somewhere,” Nate interjected sarcastically.

Simon got to his feet, “Well maybe the guy who sold me the tents didn’t have the instructions anymore!” 

Nate rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath, “Prick.”

“Now either you lot help me or we’re sleeping in the mud tonight.”

The other three men decided tents were the lesser of two evils and began helping Simon construct them, albeit clumsily and definitely not how the instructions would have wanted them built. Kyle almost put Simon’s eye out with one of the tent pegs, whilst Alex stumbled backwards and ended up with his arse in a soggy puddle. His jeans were soaked and he had to change into the spare ones he’d brought, thankful that he had decided to pack another pair.

After almost two hours of fumbling and cussing and general ridiculousness the tents were finally upright. They weren’t necessarily going to remain that way but for the time being the were in tent-like shapes at least. The four men stood back and admired their handiwork, pride rising in each of them despite their doubts at first. 

“Okay, now who wants food?” 

Simon rubbed his hands together and started pulling out various packages of food from his backpack. It was almost five in the evening and all that hard work had made them ravenous. He lined up sausages, corn on the cob, tins of beans and a few bags of popcorn as well as a frying pan (one obviously from his own kitchen and not a camping shop) and a smaller cooking pot.

“Who wants to build the fire?” Simon asked as he started opening the food.

Nate and Alex volunteered and headed into the forest to find some wood. The sky was starting to take on an orange glow as the sun lowered and it made the whole place seem somewhat magical, like fairies or leprechauns would suddenly skip past them in the undergrowth. The glow was also making Nate’s hair look like fire atop his head and Alex couldn’t help but smile as the taller man’s freckles became more and more pronounced in the warm light.

“What?” Nate asked as he picked up some dry sticks.

Alex’s blue eyes widened like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have and he blinked innocently at his love.

“What, what?”

“Why were you staring and smiling?”

Alex crouched down beside Nate and gathered some of the wood, “You look pretty in this light.”

Nate almost dropped the pile of sticks and his red brows knitted together, “Handsome you mean, right? In a very manly way?”

“Oh, sure sure,” Alex nodded, smiling, “A very pretty man.”

Carefully, Nate reached above Alex’s head and plucked a dead leaf from his hair before letting it fall to the damp earth. He rested a hand underneath the blonde’s chin and pulled him closer, kissing the scar along his jaw before placing one on his lips too. When he pulled away Alex was blushing all the way to his ears and Nate couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Having fun?”

“Mhmm,” Alex nodded, trying to get his breathing back under control.

“Really?” the pair got back to their feet and started back towards the campsite, “Because we could go back to the car and head home, I don’t mind.”

Alex poked Nate with a stick, careful not to hit his bruised ribs, and laughed, “And miss out on this manly adventure? No way!”

When they got back to the clearing, Simon was sitting on the damp ground with a tin of beans in each hand like he was sacrificing them to some invisible forest god. Kyle was almost doubled over laughing and couldn’t even respond between guffaws when Nate asked what was going on. In the end it was Simon who responded, albeit with a sullen look on his face.

“I forgot to bring a tin opener.”

Nate bit his lip to stop laughter spilling forth and was thankful when Alex spoke up.

“Don’t you have a swiss army knife or something to open them?”

Kyle stopped laughing long enough to wipe his streaming eyes and reply to Alex’s comment, “He bought one specially for this trip.”

“And?” Nate looked at his brother, “Why don’t you use that?”

Simon glanced slowly from Kyle to Nate and back again, “Because I left it at home.”

Another burst of laughter erupted from Kyle and Simon lobbed a can of beans his way, missing by mere inches. That stopped the laughter in its tracks and Kyle was suddenly on his feet, striding towards Simon. He snatched the other can from his hand and threw it into the surrounding woods before kicking the taller man in the shin as he sat crossed legged on the ground.

“You nearly hit me! Twat!”

Instead of retaliating, Simon hooked his arms around Kyle’s waist and pulled him down so that he was sitting on his lap, legs wrapped around Simon’s waist. It was hard to stay so mad at him when they were face to face like that and Kyle quickly caved and kissed the taller man on the end of his sharp nose.

“We’ll make the fire,” Nate said as he quickly averted his eyes from his smooching brother, “Please tell me you brought matches, Si.”

Simon waved his hand in the direction of his backpack, his lips were firmly suctioned to Kyle’s and he wasn’t going to pass up a make-out session if he could help it. Rolling his emerald eyes, Nate retrieved the matches and he and Alex built up the fire, quite successfully if they did say so themselves. Fifteen minutes later sausages were sizzling in the frying pan and the four campers were gathered around the warmth as the sun finally set. It had been an odd sort of day but one that felt like Alex had grown closer to Nate in some ways; they’d held hands more than ever before and the younger man hadn’t pulled away when Nate had initiated the kiss. The redhead was feeling very happy with himself and thought that the moment, sitting there in the warmth of the fire with the stars above, would have been perfect if not for his aching ribs and knee.

He rubbed at the knee as Simon poked at the sausages with a twig and, being the older twin and therefore noticing everything about his younger brother, he gestured towards Nate’s aching limb.

“That bothering you? Take some painkillers.”

Nate shrugged, “Nah, I’m fine.” He didn’t want to make a fuss, especially as it seemed Alex was nodding off to sleep beside him, leaning on him more and more with every heavy breath.

“Oh, really?” Simon took the twig from the sausages and jabbed it straight into Nate’s throbbing knee.

The younger Laird bolted to his feet, knocking an almost unconscious Alex sideways and almost sending the sausages into orbit. Thankfully Simon saved the pork as Nate snatched the twig from his brother and swiped at him with it.

“Fucking arse-badger!”

Simon feigned offence, “Language, young man!” He dipped his hand into his bag and pulled out a bottle of painkillers before throwing them at Nate, “Take some before I chop the leg off and use this pan to cauterise it.”

Nate did just that and was thankful when the pills started to take effect, easing his aching joints. Once the sausages were well and truly charcoaled (Kyle was worried they’d get food poisoning and had forced Simon to burn them to a crisp), they were devoured in seconds, along with the corn they’d each cooked over the open fire, and then silence overtook the camp. 

The sun had set and the fire was the only light source, giving them each a strange, almost ghost-like appearance. Sitting on their coats on the ground so that they were as close to the fire as possible, the twins’ hair echoed the fire itself and Alex thought they’d never looked so alike as they did in the light of the fire. He found himself staring between the two as Simon flicked on a torch beneath his chin.

Nate groaned and shook his head, “Oh, Jesus, not this again.”

“What?” Simon looked offended.

“Every opportunity you get to tell a bloody story, you take it!”

Alex smiled and Kyle yawned loudly as Simon ignored his brother.

“I’ll tell you the story of the zombie bear,” he paused as Kyle lay down, resting his head on Simon’s lap, “A terrifying tale of an evil creature that roamed these very woods.”

“Do you have to?” Nate and Alex were sitting on Nate’s raincoat, leaning against a log, and Alex’s eyelids kept drooping as he rested his head on Nate’s shoulder.

Simon continued, “It was ten years ago this very night. A young couple were out camping and were sitting in their tent. As they were about to start having rampant sex-”

“Fuck’s sake, Si,” Nate threw a stone at his brother but Simon dodged it, laughing.

“As I was saying, they were about to embark on a sexy adventure when they heard a strange noise. The bloke, being such a hot manly man who happened to have no shirt on, went out into the woods to see what it was. He returned minutes later bloody, with three huge claw marks down his chest-”

Kyle looked up at Simon from his position on his lap, “Did Wolverine get him?”

“Not Wolverine, no,” the eldest Laird twin grimaced, showing his teeth, “A great bear had clawed the guy’s heart clean out of his chest!”

Alex chuckled but hid it as a cough as Simon returned to the story.

“He died in his girlfriend’s arms and she was left alone in the dark with a monster bear out there somewhere. It came later that night, tearing the tent up to get at her but the girl had left a trap. She sealed the bear inside the tent and set it on fire!” 

Nate let out a fake cheer.

“I’m not finished yet.”

“Oh, sorry. Please continue your drivel.”

“Anyway,” Simon stared seriously into the flickering flames, “The girl watched the bear burn and at some point fell asleep, only to awaken to something looming over her. You see, the bear had died in the fire but,” Simon raised a finger in the air dramatically, “It was now a ZOMBIE BEAR! Out for revenge for it’s fiery death! And some say it still roams these woods today, searching for its next victim.”

A pregnant pause of silence.

Nate cleared his throat, “Wow. That was… shit.”

“Hey, be fair,” Kyle took off his glasses and rubbed them on his grubby shirt, “I thought it was stupid, not shit.”

As the others mocked Simon’s tale, he pouted and pulled various faces of disgust at his brother. That’s when Nate noticed Alex softly snoring on his shoulder, his soft blonde hair over his face as he leaned uncomfortably against the taller man. It was a signal that they should probably all sleep and so Nate gently nudged Alex awake, gaining a confused and then embarrassed expression from the lad.

“We’re going to head to bed,” Nate said as he half dragged Alex towards their tent.

Simon looked down at Kyle who was almost asleep and nodded, “Yeah, let’s get some shut eye. Oh, and Nate, don’t let the zombie bear get you!”

Instead of a ‘goodnight’, Simon received a middle finger as they each ducked into their tents, ready to face their first night in the great outdoors.


	16. Exposed

Chapter 16: Exposed

Nate practically threw the almost unconscious Alex into their small orange tent. The young blonde was exhausted, perhaps not used to so much physical exercise and fresh air. He half-opened his eyes and crawled into the double sleeping bag Simon had so kindly (and slyly) provided them with. Nate followed him, slowly crawling into the tent on his hands and knees. He hovered next to the opening for a moment, watching Alex as his eyes drifted shut and his breathing slowed, and lay down on top of the sleeping bag beside him, making sure to not zip up the tent, he still wanted an escape route in case his claustrophobia flared up. After staring at the ceiling for a short while, he finally drifted off to sleep too, snoring lightly.

At almost half past two in the morning, a soft rustling stirred Nate from his sleep and his eyes fluttered open slowly. He squinted into the dim orange glow of the tent and soon realised he was alone, Alex no longer by his side. He could hear someone outside, rustling leaves as they moved around, and he sat up to try and see who it was. It was then that he realised the tent had been zipped up and he was sealed inside. Trying to calm himself and not make a scene, Nate reached to pull the zip up only to find that it was stuck in the surrounding fabric and wouldn’t budge. He tried a few more times, his hands shaking more and more with every tug, and the realisation that he was trapped inside the tiny fabric prison quickly fell on top of him like an iron cloak.

As his breathing quickened, along with his heartbeat, and his vision began to blur, Nate saw a shadow appear on the other side of the tent. The outline was unmistakably Alex, with his tousled hair and slim shoulders, and he reached for the zip only to reach the same conclusion as Nate had moments before. The young blonde pulled on it so violently that the entire tent shook and vibrated and Nate wrapped his hands around his knees, eyes tightly closed.

“Nate?” Alex whispered against the orange fabric, slight panic in his voice.

After a few seconds of trying to catch his breath, Nate replied shakily, “I’m here.”

“I can’t unzip the tent, can you do it from your side?”

No response.

“I needed to pee and thought you might be cold so I zipped it up,” Alex quickly realised his mistake and his heart sank as he imagined poor Nate stuck inside, “I’m so sorry I didn’t think! I thought it’d be okay! I’ll go and get Simon, hang on!”

“No!” 

Nate’s outburst stopped Alex from moving and he listened as his love’s weak voice seeped through the tent.

“I don’t want him to know I’m being daft again-”

“You’re not!” 

Alex pushed his hand against the tent and Nate could see the shadow of his hand clearly. He reached out his own and pressed it against it, like a prisoner visiting his lover.

“I don’t want to bother Si and Kyle, can you just find something to get me out?”

A wave of nausea hit Nate like a brick to the gut and he rested his head on his knees, chest pounding. He could feel the sweat trickling down his face and back and felt like the air was thick like treacle, making it difficult to take in a full breath. Pretty sure he was going to pass out soon, Nate tried to concentrate on something, anything else. His mind decided that Alex’s naked body would be appropriate at such a time, of course, and he had to force his eyes open to clear the image. He certainly didn’t want to be any shorter of breath than he already was.

“I couldn’t find anything sharp,” Alex’s voice returned to the tent’s exterior, slightly out of breath, “All I could find was a stick.”

He stabbed at the tent pathetically with the twig until it quickly snapped and Nate thought that he would have laughed at the useless attempt had he not been in a major panic. His palms were sweating and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears as his blood rushed to his head, making him dizzy. Outside the tent, Nate could vaguely make out Alex pacing back and forth, his shadow stopping every now and then as he tried to yank the zip free. No use. Nate’s breathing was becoming more and more shallow and he could see the blackness creeping into the edges of his vision like spider-webs making their way across his eyes.

“Nate? You okay?” Alex sounded worried and Nate was sure he detected a hint of guilt in the younger lad’s voice, “I really can’t get in...”

The redhead was too far gone to respond with anything cohesive and so remained silent as Alex continued to babble outside.

“I bet you’re really warm in there, huh? It’s pretty chilly out here, the fire’s gone out. Of course it would help if I had clothes on...”

That brought Nate back to reality with a clunk. He brought his hands away from his perspiring face and frowned towards the shadow outside. Had he heard right? Alex was naked? Why on Earth would he be naked? Surely he’d just misheard him.

“It was really warm in that sleeping bag and my pants were still wet from falling in that puddle so I thought it’d be okay to take everything off. Now I’m screwed if a park ranger or someone turns up.”

“You’re naked?” Nate croaked.

“As the day I was born,” Alex replied, his face turning pink.

The laugh that escaped Nate’s lips wasn’t exactly roaring but it certainly loosened his tight muscles a little and cleared his head enough to see sense. He sighed deeply and told Alex to wake his brother, hopefully Simon would have something to open the tent and free him.

 

Alex crept up to Simon and Kyle’s tent, everything hanging free, and stood outside of it for a moment. He could hear muffled talking inside and watched as the tent ruffled and shook every now and then. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was happening inside and he just hoped that they would understand his reason for interrupting. With a deep breath, Alex ‘knocked’ on the side of the tent. Nothing happened. Whatever the two were participating in inside, a quiet tap wasn’t going to catch their attention. The blonde didn’t exactly want to open the tent up and catch them in the act and so he decided to kick the tent a little in the hopes that it would alert them to his presence. He brought his naked leg up and kicked the pole gently. What happened next definitely caught the inhabitant’s attention.

The pole wobbled slightly and then the entire tent collapsed in on itself, poles and fabric crumpling like a soufflé. Alex’s blue eyes widened and he stepped back quickly as the writhing couple inside the tent yelled and struggled to get free.

“Jesus fuck!” Simon’s voice echoed into the clearing, “It’s that zombie bear, I tell you!”

“Get your foot out of my face, fucktard!” Kyle now.

“Well get your face out of my crotch!”

“I’m nowhere near your crotch, idiot!”

“I can’t find the zip!” Alex watched as Simon fumbled around underneath the tent fabric blindly, “What’s this?”

Kyle yelped and Alex heard the distinct sound of a slap.

Eventually the two men emerged from the collapsed tent like two overgrown babies being born. Simon wore a bright red hand print on his face and Kyle’s shaggy hair stuck up in all directions, possibly from fumbling around in the tent or quite possibly from their activities beforehand. Kyle shivered in the night air and Simon unconsciously wrapped his arms around his lover, despite the two of them being just as inappropriately dressed for the outdoors as one another. Thankfully for Alex, they both had on their jeans (Simon’s kept dropping off as his belt was lost somewhere in the collapsed tent) and were covered up in all the necessary areas. Simon took off his t-shirt and gave it to Kyle, who quickly pulled it on, looking like a child in his father’s clothes. The pair seemed utterly absorbed in each other’s presence until Alex cleared his throat purposefully, gaining their attention.

“Hmm...” Simon looked the naked Alex up and down with a blank expression, “Now what the hell kind of kinky shit are you doing out here?”

“It’s not like that, I-”

Kyle waved his hand and Alex closed his mouth with an audible snap. Quickly, Kyle dipped back into the collapsed tent and re-emerged with a pair of shorts, which he handed to Alex silently. Thankful for small mercies, Alex pulled the shorts on and nodded a thanks to Kyle.

“Sorry about your tent,” Alex stared at the ground as he spoke.

“Don’t worry about it, it wasn’t put up right anyway.”

Simon gasped as Kyle verbally bashed his tent-making abilities but remained silent, knowing better than to question his love. Instead, he folded his arms over his naked torso and turned his attention to Alex. In the dim light it was difficult to see the younger guy but every now and then he saw a shimmer of something on his chest and sides and realised they were all scars, Alex was covered in them. He remembered Nate telling him about Alex’s abusive step father but didn’t realise the full extent of that abuse. It was difficult to look away but he forced his eyes away from the imperfections and spoke up.

“Did you need something?”

Alex seemed to pale and then began spilling words from his mouth, a million miles an hour.

“I needed to pee and opened the tent to go outside and I zipped it up so Nate wouldn’t be cold but then I couldn’t get it back open and Nate woke up and now he’s stuck in the tent and I had no clothes on but I needed to get him out and all I could find was a stick and that was no good so I had to ask you guys and-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there champ,” Simon rubbed his forehead and pointed towards Nate’s tent, “Did you say Nate is stuck in the tent?”

Alex nodded, out of breath.

Without another word, Simon marched over to the sealed tent and knelt down beside it.

“Nathan? You okay in there?”

The only response was heavy breathing from inside the tent.

“Nate! Stop freaking out and tell me you’re okay!”

“I- I’m okay.”

Inside the tent, Nate was anything but okay. He was curled up in the corner of the tent with his eyes tightly closed. Sweat dripped from his temples and his chest ached from breathing so rapidly for so long. The sound of his twin’s voice usually calmed him but it sounded so far away that it did little to abate his panic now.

“You sure about that?” Simon asked as he fished around in his jeans pocket, “Because you sound like you’re either having a heart attack or really great sex.”

“It’s- It’s really h-hot in here, Si,” Nate sounded like a little boy again, trapped in the toilet on that plane all those years ago.

“Yeah?” Simon had his car keys in his hand and was starting to use them to pull apart the stitches on the zip of the tent, “Well it’s fucking freezing out here. Whose idea was it to come camping in this weather? Crazy bastard.”

Alex paced back and forth as Simon unpicked the stitches and, after almost two minutes, the zip was finally loose enough to pull free. The elder Laird twin tore the fabric loose and dived inside the tent. Nate sat at the back of it with his long legs out in front of him, he looked like a rag doll with his long limbs lying loosely at his sides. A sheen of sweat covered his skin and his bottom lip looked red and sore from where he’d been biting it so hard. Carefully, Simon pulled his brother into the open air and Nate finally looked a little less like a corpse. A little colour returned to his cheeks and his breathing, although still faster than usual, slowed a little. He was guided to one of the logs and plonked down onto it heavily as Simon and Alex sat on either side of him. His brother rubbed his back soothingly as he spoke.

“You’re out now, it’s okay.”

Nate nodded and swallowed loudly.

“I’m so sorry,” Alex whispered as he placed his hand on top of Nate’s, “I didn’t think. I’m an idiot.”

The sound of Alex’s voice seemed to snap Nate out of his hazy state and he turned to look at the smaller man, green eyes a little wild and wide.

“It’s not your fault, don’t worry about it. I’m fin-”

Before he could finish assuring Alex that he was indeed okay, a wave of nausea hit Nate and he quickly darted into the trees to throw up.

“He’ll be fine, don’t be too hard on yourself,” Simon gently pressed his fist to Alex’s cheek and winked reassuringly at him as Nate returned shakily to sit on the log.

“See,” Nate smiled weakly, “Fit as a fiddle.”

Beside Simon, Kyle yawned loudly and the older twin pointed his thumb over his shoulder towards their broken tent.

“Well, looks like we’ll be sleeping in the great outdoors tonight.”

Simon grinned at Kyle and started to drag their sleeping bag out of the collapsed tent and into the clearing beside the fire pit. He relit the fire and then pulled Alex and Nate’s sleeping bag out too.

“It’ll be a proper camping experience!”

“Great,” Kyle rolled his eyes and shimmied into the sleeping bag, “And if we’re still alive in the morning we can count how many bug bites we each have!”

Ignoring his love’s comments, Simon joined Kyle in the sleeping bag and became the ‘big spoon’ as they both watched the flickering flames of the fire. Within minutes they were fast asleep, Simon snoring softly with his arms wrapped around the smaller Kyle. Alex yawned but tried to hide it from Nate as the redhead hadn’t made a move towards the sleeping bag yet and Alex guessed he was still feeling a little sick.

“Go to sleep if you like,” Nate ruffled Alex’s hair and yawned.

“You must be tired, too.”

Nate nodded, “Suppose so.” He looked down at Alex and smiled, sighing, “Shall we then?”

The pair unzipped the double sleeping bag and crawled inside of it. It was about as wide as a double bed but, once zipped up, pulled them close enough to be touching constantly. Both topless, the bag soon became warm and Nate rested his arms on top of it, struggling to get comfortable. Eventually he stretched out his right arm towards Alex and the blonde subconsciously snuggled in closer to his body, resting his head on Nate’s warm shoulder. They were both so exhausted that the intimacy didn’t seem unusual or extreme and soon they too were fast asleep, dreaming as the flames of the fire died down.


	17. A Thin Wire

Chapter 17: A Thin Wire

Brightness. Something attempting to create a tune with its tiny lungs but failing miserably. That was what Nate Laird woke up to as his tired eyes slowly fluttered open. It took him a moment to remember why he was currently staring up at trees and the grey sky and not his bedroom ceiling and he groaned loudly as the previous night flooded back into his mind. Next to him, inside the too-tight sleeping bag, Alex snored softly, his blonde hair tousled around his peaceful face. Carefully, so as not to wake his love, Nate shuffled out of the sleeping bag and got to his feet, stretching his leg to try and ease his aching knee as his brother poked and prodded at the dwindling fire.

“Mornin’,” Simon yawned loudly and grabbed a loaf of bread out of his bag before throwing it at his twin, “Here, make yourself useful.”

Nate opened the bag and placed some slices on a metal rack Simon had brought, “Where’s Kyle?” Nate noticed his brother’s partner wasn’t in their sleeping bag but his glasses were still on the log beside it, like he’d been beamed up during the night.

“Taking a piss I think,” Simon poured something on the fire and a giant flame whooshed into the sky, knocking them both back.

“Jesus wept!” Nate shouted, making sure his eyebrows were still on his face, “What the fuck was that?!”

A stupid smile was etched on Simon’s face as he chuckled, “Just a bit of petrol, calm your tits.”

He received a loaf to the face for that. It would have been more but Kyle returned from whatever he was doing and joined them around the fire. He looked as tired as Nate felt and it took him two attempts to put his glasses on straight. The uncomfortable night hadn’t seemed to have phased the older Laird twin, however, as he looked just as enthusiastic as the previous day, ready for adventure. He rubbed his hands together and smiled widely.

“So, today I thought we could check out the adventure trail.”

Nate watched as Kyle seemed to fold in on himself and sighed loudly, “Do we have to? Isn’t this place closed officially anyway?”

With a slice of half-cooked toast in his mouth, Simon waved a dismissive hand in his brother’s direction, “It’s fine, it’s fine! All of the ropes and shit are still there so we can use them!”

“Si, I-”

The look of childlike excitement on Simon’s face silenced his little brother. He supposed he could stick around one more day if it meant that Simon would get his so-called ‘family holiday’. He had little time to reflect on exactly what that meant as his brother leaned towards him, head tilted so that he was glancing towards the still-sleeping Alex.

“Hey, Nate, last night when Alex woke us up we saw his chest and stuff...” Simon paused, trying to find the right words as Kyle shifted uncomfortably, “I know you said he had some scars but Jesus, what the fuck did that guy do to him?!”

Nate ground his teeth together and unconsciously balled his fists, “You don’t want to know.”

Simon shook his head, “No, I don’t think I do. Just be careful, okay? People like that, damaged people, can have more than just physical scars you know.”

Nate’s eyebrows knitted together and his shoulders stiffened, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Simon placed a hand on Nate’s shoulder, “Just make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into, okay little bro? I don’t want him holding you back.”

A little harder than he meant to, Nate shrugged off Simon’s hand and got to his feet, “I’m going for a piss.”

Behind them, still unmoved from inside the sleeping bag, Alex bit his lip to keep himself quiet.

 

After everyone had consumed some of the stale toast, they packed up their tents – or what was left of them – and followed Simon towards the so-called ‘adventure trail’. Apparently it was some kind of kid’s activity area with ropes and zip wires and Simon seemed extremely enthusiastic about it, even if he was the only one. 

When they arrived at the clearing where it was supposed to be it wasn’t exactly the dreamland the older twin had had in mind, but he refused to let anything dampen his spirits and immediately began climbing the rickety wooden ladder to the top of one of the trees where an even more rickety platform jutted out into the canopy.

Kyle watched, bored, and waved back half-heartedly when Simon waved down towards him.

“This zip wire still looks okay!” Simon yelled as he pulled on the rusty wire that led down to another, smaller tree about one hundred metres away.

“Sure it does!” Kyle shouted back, “If you plan on decapitating yourself!”

Alex and Nate watched as Simon tried to figure out how to attach himself to the wire but after almost ten minutes even that wasn’t enough to hold their attention. Nate turned to Alex, who had been quiet since he’d woken up, and smiled.

“Having fun?”

It wasn’t much but Alex seemed to pause before turning to look up at Nate and the smile he wore didn’t seem to reflect the genuine one of his lover’s. He nodded, however, but not before a small ball of worry settled in the pit of Nate’s stomach. He tried to ignore it, telling himself it was just his imagination.

“It’ll get better,” Nate continued in an attempt to shake away the uneasy feeling he had, “Just wait until Si falls and breaks his face.”

Before he could say anymore or ask what was up with Alex, Kyle gasped and their attention was brought back to the Tarzan wannabe in the trees. Simon waved at them once more and leaned over the edge of the platform, one leg dangling loosely. He’d managed to attach himself to the zip wire somehow and was going to take one giant leap for idiot-kind.

“Oh God,” Nate moaned.

“Dibs on his car if he dies,” Kyle joked but his eyes looked worried.

With one choked yelp, Simon stepped off of the platform completely and began hurtling through the air towards the other tree. It had started to rain slightly and he was quickly soaked through, hair plastered to his beaming face as he smiled idiotically. Thankfully his momentum slowed as he reached the other end of the wire and he was able to unhook himself and step down safely without even so much as a broken nail. He bounded over to the others, Cheshire grin still plastered on his face, and prostrated himself like some sort of hero.

“Woo!” Simon wiped some of the water from his face and held up his hand towards Kyle for a high-five, “I was like bloody Indiana Jones there!”

Kyle slapped the waiting hand away sharply, “You moron, what if it snapped?! What if you fell off and got hurt? What if-”

Tears were starting to pool in Kyle’s eyes and he took off his glasses to wipe them away angrily. Seeing his distress, Simon seemed to melt slightly and he grabbed Kyle’s face between his large hands, squishing his cheeks so that he looked more like a hamster than a human.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to make you angry!”

“I’m not! I was scared!” Kyle pouted, face still squashed.

With a little more force than necessary, Simon pulled him close and hugged him tightly, almost smothering the smaller man in the process. When Kyle pushed himself away Simon braced himself for a slap or maybe a kick in the shin but was instead faced with a wicked smile.

“Well?” Kyle asked, hands on his hips, “Can I have a go?”

The pair scurried off towards the zip wire again, leaving Nate and Alex in their wake. Nate stared for a moment, always baffled by his brother’s relationship, and then turned back to Alex.

“Fancy a go?”

The blonde seemed to have been in a world of his own and he jumped slightly when Nate spoke.

“No thanks,” He coughed a little and sniffed, wiping some of the rain from his cheeks, “You go, have fun.”

Nate shrugged, “Na, I’m good.” He glanced at Alex, the ball of worry inside of him growing by the minute, “Is something wrong? You haven’t been yourself today.”

Alex coughed again, “Just tired I suppose.”

“You sure that’s all?”

The image of Simon earlier that morning flashed back into Alex’s mind but he nodded nonetheless, not wanting to cause any more trouble than he already had. He knew Simon was right, he would always hold Nate back, always be a burden to him with his external and internal scars. Jim had told him multiple times that he was a nuisance, a menace to everyone around him and that he’d be better off dead. Although he no longer believed the latter, thanks in part to Nate, he did still have doubts that he was of any use to anyone.

“Alex?”

The blonde was brought back to the present as Nate’s large hands held his shoulders gently and for once he was grateful for the rain as he felt warm tears running down his cheeks. Thankfully the redhead hadn’t noticed and Alex managed to turn on a small smile.

“Sorry, I was miles away.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Nate traced Alex’s jaw with a slender finger and the blonde subconsciously leaned into his touch, “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. Just a bit wet.”

A clap of thunder above seemed to open the heavens and the rain began to spatter harder against the canopy and onto the muddy ground. Even Simon didn’t take much convincing that it was time to head back to the car and the four of them quickly stumbled back through the forest towards the waiting vehicle, Kyle a little faster than the others as the thunder and lightning moved closer.

“Well,” Simon shook his head like a dog, soaking Kyle in the passenger seat as he started the car, “I think our first camping trip went quite well don’t you?”

Nate scoffed, “If by ‘went well’ you mean no one died then yes, a huge success.”

“Oh come on!” Simon pulled out of the clearing and back onto a main road as the rain fell heavily on the windscreen, “We had fun, right? Made some memories. Kyle and I even had se-”

“RIGHT! Yes, thank you. Shut up now,” Nate slapped the back of his brother’s head and laughed as Kyle turned beet red.

The rest of the drive was pretty uneventful; Kyle fell asleep as Simon took a few wrong turns and the only peep from the back seats was Alex coughing and sneezing now and then. He was pretty sure he’d caught a cold and cursed himself for being so stupid.

 

It was almost midnight when Simon finally dropped Alex and Nate back home. The pair shuffled tiredly into the empty house and Nate sighed heavily as he slumped onto the couch, home comforts surrounding him like a warm hug. Alex didn’t sit down, instead he silently turned to head towards his room.

“Don’t you want a cup of tea or something?” Nate asked as he peeled off his damp socks.

“I’m tired, just going to sleep.”

Nate stretched and got to his feet. He stepped towards Alex and wrapped his arms around the smaller man’s waist, a big smile on his freckled face.

“It sure is nice to be home, I’m not much of an adventurer. I’ll see you in bed.”

Alex’s shoulders stiffened and he stared at his feet, “I’m going to sleep in my room tonight.”

Without another word he unhooked Nate’s hands from around his waist and quickly made his way down the hallway and into his room, closing the door behind him. Nate stood silently, mouth slightly open and arms empty. The ball of worry in his stomach had become wrecking ball sized and he knew it was no longer his imagination, there was definitely something bothering Alex and, if he didn’t figure out what it was, he was pretty sure things weren’t going to end well.


	18. Things Forgotten

Chapter 18: Things Forgotten

Nate woke up earlier than usual. Probably due to the fact that he hadn’t slept much during the night, too busy worrying about Alex and what was wrong with him. He hadn’t slept in his own bed since they’d slept beside one another that first time and his sudden change in behaviour was scooping a hole into Nate’s chest. Had he done something wrong? He didn’t know much about relationships, never mind relationships with men and it seemed pretty plausible that he could have said something or done something taboo. Or maybe, just maybe Nate was thinking too much into it and Alex just wanted a good night’s rest. The redhead nodded to himself, desperately trying to reassure himself that everything was in fact fine and he was just overreacting.

He scurried downstairs and knocked on Alex’s bedroom door in the hopes that they could have breakfast together before Nate went to work. After almost a minute of knocking, however, there was no response and Nate pushed open the door to reveal an empty room with an unmade bed. It had definitely been slept in but its occupant was now nowhere to be seen. Nate checked the bathroom and kitchen too but Alex had definitely vacated the house some time earlier that morning.

With a sickly feeling in the pit of his stomach, Nate headed to work. All the while wondering what he could have done to upset Alex so much that he would leave without saying anything. Lily was her usual over-cheerful self when he arrived at the coffee shop and she didn’t seem to notice when Nate completely ignored her advances and attempts at flirting. 

His dazed state continued throughout the day and he was just trying to think of an excuse to leave early when he caught site of someone walking past the front of the shop. Alex. With a shout of ‘I’m taking my break!’ over his shoulder, Nate darted out of the coffee shop and into the street. Alex was just turning into a small café opposite and Nate lurched across the street, between blaring cars, like some sort of gangly stalker. He peered through the window slyly, trying to catch a glimpse of what his love was up to. Why he didn’t just go up to him and ask he had no idea but it seemed like a better idea at the time to watch unnoticed. Nate soon began to regret his spying decision, however, when Alex smiled at a young man sitting at a booth and joined him. All Nate could do was watch.

For almost twenty minutes, Nate spied through the window of the café like a private detective on crack. He was about to head back to work, utterly defeated and confused by what he’d seen, when the man with Alex reached his hands across the table and held both of Alex’s in them. Something inside Nate seemed to snap, like an elastic band pulled too tight, and he suddenly found himself inside the café, fists balled at his sides, looming over the table where Alex sat. He didn’t remember making the conscious decision to confront them but seeing this stranger touching his most precious person had turned on a switch inside him.

“N-Nate?! What are you doing here?!” Alex gaped at the redhead, blue eyes wide.

Now that Nate was face to face with the imposter, whatever adrenaline had spurred him inside was quickly draining from his body and he felt as though he might pass out from the sudden lack of blood in his head. The guy, who was annoyingly good looking with his pierced lip and ears and dark floppy hair with a neat undercut, stared at Nate in confusion and then turned back to Alex.

“Is this him?”

Alex flushed crimson and nodded.

Mr. Piercing got to his feet, only an inch or so shorter than Nate, and glared at him furiously. He poked a slender finger into Nate’s chest.

“The fuck is wrong with you?!”

Alex opened his mouth to protest but Nate interjected.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard!” the stranger prodded Nate again, harder, “You get a kick out of seeing him miserable?” He gestured to Alex, who was staring at the table, hands tight around his glass.

“I don’t know who you are but you need to back off, mate.” Nate pushed his hands back but it didn’t deter him.

“I’m his ex,” the word seemed to sting Nate sharp and fast, “And Alex here has been telling me all about how you treat him!”

Nate looked at Alex, bewildered, “What’s he talking about? What’s going on, Alex?”

“Don’t think he’s good enough, eh?” some of the staff members were starting to congregate as the pierced guy raised his voice, “Think he’ll hold you back?!”

Nate’s teeth clenched together and he finally understood why Alex had been so upset. He must have heard Simon when they were camping, what an idiot he’d been. Of course he didn’t think that, he loved him for God’s sake, why would he ever think such a thing? Nate cursed Simon and his overprotective ways and planned to thoroughly throttle him when he saw him again.

“This is a misunderstanding,” Nate began, calmer now, “My brother was-”

“Your brother? So you all think he’s useless?!”

This guy was twisting his words now and Nate was quickly losing patience, “That’s not what I said. This is all a mistake!”

With a glare at Nate, Alex’s companion placed his hand on Alex’s shoulder. A big mistake. Nate’s brain seemed to turn off and instead his heart took over. No way was anyone else going to touch his Alex like that. Nate gripped Piercing’s wrist tightly and yanked his hand away from Alex with enough force to knock him back a little.

“Do not touch him,” Nate growled under his breath and balled his fist, ready to explode.

Before he could land a blow, however, Alex stood up and got between the fighting men, using himself as a barrier. To Nate’s shock he wasn’t protecting him, though, he was protecting his ex from Nate.

“Alex, I-”

Tears spilled down the blonde’s cheeks and his lip quivered as he spoke to Nate.

“Please just go.”

“But I-”

“GO!” 

Alex’s voice cracked harshly and Nate’s body loosened like someone had pulled a string and started to unravel him. He glanced at both Alex and his ex, green eyes wide and pleading, and simply turned and left without another word.

He didn’t return to work, instead he wandered aimlessly down the street, past the bakery and the bank, past an old woman displaying flowers outside the florist and finally found himself in the busier part of town outside a huge office building. Subconsciously, he’d made his way to where Simon worked. Whether to ‘throttle’ him as he’d thought to earlier or to simply seek help Nate didn’t know but he was there now and needed someone to talk to.

Inside, his shoes squeaked on the freshly polished floor, echoing around the huge lobby as he stepped up to the reception desk. A woman with red lips and a dark pixie cut smiled brightly at him as she continued to tap against a keyboard with her long nails.

“Hi, can I help you?”

“Um,” Nate suddenly felt completely out of place; he still had his apron tied around his waist and he could feel his cheeks burning, “Is Simon about? Simon Laird.”

“Which department is he?”

With his mind firing blank thoughts his way, Nate stared vacantly at the receptionist and was about to turn on his heel and leave when his brother stepped out of the lift to his left. In his tailored navy blue suit and quaffed hair, Simon looked the polar opposite of his twin and Nate realised why the receptionist hadn’t mistaken him for his brother. No one would think he was a high-class lawyer with the way he presented himself.

“Nate? What’re you doing here?” 

Simon waved to the blushing receptionist and ushered his brother out into the street towards the car park. Only once had Nate visited him at work and that was only because he’d lost his house keys and needed somewhere to wait until the locksmith arrived. He didn’t make a habit of coming to see him just for the sake of it and so Simon knew something was up even before Nate punched him in the face.

When Nate saw Simon’s smug face and smug suit and smug walk as they stepped outside, he seemed to lose all reason and the urge to physically smack the smugness out of him rose to the surface and took over. He balled his fist and whacked him just under the jaw. His knuckles crunched and it hurt like hell but was also quite satisfying as Simon no longer looked smug and instead looked utterly shocked.

“What the fuck, Nate?! Why did you do that?!” Simon rubbed his jaw and spat a little blood into his hand.

“Alex heard us talking at the camp-site and now he thinks he’s not good enough for me!” 

Simon looked like he wanted to say something but his brother’s fists were still balled and so he remained silent as he continued.

“He thinks he’s useless or something and now he’s with his ex and they’re having coffee together and holding hands and god-knows what else! And it’s your fault and probably partly my fault but I really wanted to hit you and I probably shouldn’t have and now my hand hurts like a bitch and-”

“Nate!” Simon placed his hands on his brother’s shoulders and grabbed his cheeks, squeezing them together to shut him up. “Take a breath. So Alex heard me say he’s dragging you down, right?”

Nate nodded, face still squashed.

“And now he’s gone off with his ex?”

Another nod.

The elder twin sighed heavily, “Did you tell him it was just me being over protective of my idiot brother?”

“Kind of...” Nate looked at the ground, like he would when he was getting wrong off his parents when they were small. “I didn’t really get a chance to! The pierced guy – his ex – was so smarmy and cool, his lip was pierced and his ears and he smelled nice! And he was all protective over Alex, I didn’t have a chance to explain.”

Another sigh rattled Simon’s slim frame and he rubbed at his aching jaw absently, “Can’t you just call Alex and tell him it was all me?”

Nate shook his head, “He doesn’t have a phone.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot he’s like Stig of the Dump.”

Nate had suddenly paled and fallen silent; he looked like he might throw up and his eyes bulged.

“I have no way of contacting him! What if he’s gone forever? What if that’s it?! What should I do, Si?”

“Calm your tits,” Simon ruffled his twin’s hair and shoved him into the passenger seat of his car before getting in. “First of all you owe me at least a cake and a coffee for smacking me in my perfect face. Then we need to find out the name of this punk and go Liam Neeson on him.”

“Maybe the people in the café know?” Nate suggested, finally calming down a little.

“Right.” Simon pulled out of the car park and made his way to the café, foot flat on the floor in the hopes that they might catch Alex if he was still in the café.

No such luck. The manager was just flipping the sign on the door to ‘Closed’ when the twins arrived. He did, however, know the pierced guy’s name and, with a little coaxing from Her Majesty, spilled it to them.

“What kind of a name is Felix anyway?” Nate snarled as Simon drove him home, “What is he, a cat?!”

“At least we know his name now. I can have his address by tomorrow.”

Nate groaned and leaned back in the seat, running his hands through his hair, “That means he’ll be with him all night. What if they, you know, do stuff!” His emerald eyes widened and he groaned again.

Simon looked over at his troubled brother, “Do you really think Alex would?”

Nate’s hands dropped to his lap, “I suppose not. But he’s his ex, they have history! What if they start reminiscing and it gets all hot and steamy and sexy?”

With a curled up nose, the elder twin shook his head, “I highly doubt that’ll happen.”

“Uggghhh!” Nate continued to squirm until finally Simon caved.

“Do you want to stay with us tonight?” Simon asked, a slight hint of apprehension in his tone. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help his brother, it was just that he and Kyle had planned an evening of passion and with his twin brother there the mood just wouldn’t be the same. At all.

Puppy dog eyes beamed up at his big brother and Nate nodded childishly, “Is that okay? I don’t want to intrude...”

Simon knew the look all too well; there was no way Nate wanted to be alone and even if he did let him go back to his own house, the night would be ruined with Simon worrying about him the entire time. He turned the car and headed back to where he and Kyle lived, happy that Nate wouldn’t be alone but also a little disappointed that he would be missing out on some fun times with his lover.

“You’re the best, Si.” 

Nate wrapped an arm around his brother’s shoulders as they walked into the foyer of the apartment block where Simon lived. It wasn’t too extravagant but it was certainly much more expensive than the area where Nate lived. Fresh flowers were poking out of various hanging baskets and the car park was like a BMW showroom. Nate was never jealous, however, he was pleased that his brother was doing so well and wished him nothing but the best. 

The lift pinged and they travelled to the fifth floor where Simon and Kyle’s apartment was located. The elder Laird opened the door and stepped aside to let his brother in, which Nate did albeit a little awkwardly in the narrow hallway. What he was greeted with in the apartment, however, was not something that had been meant for his eyes. There, laid across the dining table wearing nothing but his glasses and a rose between his teeth, was Kyle. Their eyes met and neither man knew what to do and so they remained statuesque as Simon followed Nate inside. Once Simon caught sight of Kyle, he too joined the party of stone men until finally Kyle flailed wildly and fell off the table with a clatter.

“Well,” Nate cleared his throat awkwardly, “That certainly took my mind of things for a moment.”


	19. Breaking Point

Chapter Nineteen: Breaking Point

It only took Simon a few seconds to stop himself staring and go to his partner’s aid. He all but leapt across the room to where Kyle had slid off the dining table and onto the floor as Nate remained statuesque in the entryway. 

“Babe, you alright?” Simon asked as he hauled the very naked Kyle to his feet.

The shorter man blinked dazedly for a moment and then nodded meekly, trying not to meet Nate’s eyes. He was always the reserved type and Nate had never even seen him shout, never mind prostrate himself in such a manner. The younger twin tried to hide his smile but a small grin crept onto his face nonetheless, causing Kyle’s blush to deepen. Pouting, he shoved Simon’s hands from his body and quickly disappeared into their bedroom down the hall, a loud slam indicating that he’d closed the door behind him.

The twins stared at one another in silence for a moment and then Simon shrugged and moved into the kitchenette.

“Tea?”

“Please,” Nate responded as casually as his brother had asked, obviously not wanting to further drag out the embarrassment.

As he moved into the lounge area, where the huge L-shaped sofa was calling his name, Nate stepped on something and it crunched beneath his socked foot. He grimaced and looked down to find Kyle’s glasses; one lens was cracked and the other broken in two, obviously from the fall and not just Nate standing on them, although that probably hadn’t helped. He picked them up and took his cup of tea from Simon before joining him on the sofa.

“I think Kyle might need some new glasses.”

Simon looked at the destroyed pair and winced, “Oh shit, they were his spares, too. We wrecked the other ones playing hide and seek.”

Nate’s mouth opened to ask why the hell two grown men had been playing hide and seek but quickly snapped it shut. When it came to his brother, there was no logic or maturity involved in his home life and so it was probably best not to ask.

“I’m gonna take a quick shower,” Simon stretched and got to his feet, “Then I’ll ring the office and get them to look up this Felix guy, okay?”

Nate nodded and sipped his tea as he flicked on the TV, anything to try and distract himself from the thoughts of Alex with that other guy.

Around twenty minutes later, Kyle emerged from the bedroom and shuffled into the lounge. Simon was still in the shower and Nate had fallen asleep whilst watching TV. Not realising that it was the younger twin on the couch, what with his lack of glasses, Kyle snuggled up beside Nate and rested his head on his bony chest, a satisfied smile spreading across his face. Carefully, so as not to wake who he thought was his lover, Kyle slipped his hand into Nate’s trousers. The redhead moaned softly and rolled his hips a little whilst mumbling incoherently. Thankfully that was when Simon emerged from the bathroom looking every bit the Grecian god what with his slicked back hair and chiselled torso. He absorbed the scene before him and cleared his throat loudly.

A moment of clarity suddenly hit Kyle like a brick and his hand whipped out of Nate’s trousers like something had bitten him. His eyebrows knitted and his mouth fell open as he quickly realised his mistake.

“Simon!” he squeaked, “I didn’t know- I thought- My glasses-!” Kyle flailed awkwardly and scampered away from Nate as he finally woke up.

“Hmm?” Nate stretched, somewhat satisfied yet somehow still needing for something, “What’s going o-” 

The bulge in his pants distracted him and he finally realised what had happened. What he had thought was a sweet dream of Alex was in fact his brother’s partner fondling him. He looked at Kyle, who looked just as confused as he felt.

“Um...” Nate looked at his brother who looked more grossed out than anything else, “Si, I thought it was Alex, I-”

Simon raised his hand to shut him up and sat down beside Kyle, who still looked somewhat traumatised, “You thought he was me, right?”

Kyle nodded and dragged his hands down his blushing face.

“And you won’t do it again?”

“Of course not! It was a mistake! I can’t find my glasses and I thought he’d gone home!” Kyle squawked as he leaned into Simon a little more, “Jesus, how much more embarrassment can I take?!”

Simon couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips and gestured to his brother, who was sitting with a cushion on his lap now, “You should take care of that.”

Throwing the cushion at his brother’s face, Nate quickly walked towards the bathroom but not before Simon got one last jibe in.

“Nate.” 

His twin looked at him from the bathroom doorway, “What?”

“He’s good, right?” 

Simon beamed as Nate slammed the door behind him and Kyle slapped a hand over Simon’s mouth, finally shutting him up. The smaller man looked up at his love, glaring like an angry cat.

“You shouldn’t tease him so much, poor sod.”

Simon scoffed, “You were the one ‘teasing’ him, mate!”

“You know what?” 

Kyle’s face contorted into an evil grin as Simon raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

The grin grew wider as Kyle spoke, “He’s bigger than you.”

An animal-like squawk emitted from Simon’s throat and he scooped Kyle up before hauling him into their bedroom to find some clothes and thoroughly teach him a lesson.

After a cold shower, Nate returned to the lounge to find Simon and Kyle curled up on the sofa watching a horror movie on the large flat-screen. He plonked himself down on the armchair and stared uninterested at the film. A woman with enormous breasts and very little clothing was running through the woods, blood smeared on her face, and a huge guy with a mask that looked like something from Poundland was chasing her wielding an umbrella. Nate absently thought that the weapon was a strange choice but had no interest in the plot anyway.

“Did you manage to find it?” He asked his brother, whose face was a picture of pure joy as he watched the B-movie. 

Simon turned his head towards Nate but his eyes remained fixed on the screen.

“The address? Yeah. A terrace somewhere a couple of miles away,” he waved his hand towards the coffee table, “I wrote it down.”

Nate picked up the folded paper, memorised the address and got to his feet, heading for the door. That finally got Simon to look away from the TV.

“Whoa, whoa whoa, where’re you going?”

Nate started to pull on his shoes, “To get Alex.”

“Now?! At least wait until tomorrow! You don’t even know if they’ll be there!”

“I can’t wait, Si! What if they’re doing something?” Nate’s face scrunched up and he ran his hands through his still-damp hair.

Simon sighed loudly and lifted Kyle off of him so he could stand up.

“They’re not doing anything, idiot! Alex isn’t like that!”

“I know, but-”

“For fuck’s sake,” Simon grabbed his coat and slipped on his shoes before grabbing the car keys, “I’ll drive.”

Simon kissed Kyle goodbye, assuring him that they wouldn’t be long and then the elder twin ruffled his brother’s hair and shoved him out of the apartment.

The journey only took fifteen minutes but it was the longest fifteen minutes of Nate’s life. His hands were sweating and he felt sick to his stomach. He’d rolled the window down – much to Simon’s dismay – to get some fresh air but all it was doing was making him shiver. He closed his eyes and took some deep breaths as Simon pulled onto the street. 

It was pretty nondescript; a terrace with some street lamps, a dog barking somewhere in the distance and some wheelie bins. It looked like any other British street. Nate looked at the paper once more and got out of the car, telling his brother to wait inside it, lest he make the situation worse. Simon tended to escalate arguments just by being there. The younger Laird walked up to the front door of number 52. He took one more breath to steady his nerves and was about to knock on the door when a loud crash came from inside, like something large and heavy breaking. He looked back at Simon but he was too busy singing along to the car radio to take any notice. Without another thought shimmering through his clouded mind, Nate knocked loudly, like a policeman, and waited with baited breath for an answer.

No response. Instead, another bang echoed inside the small house and Nate could have sworn he heard a whimper, like a dog had been kicked. That was the final straw. He tried the door and was surprised to find it opened easily. He stepped inside, careful not to make too much noise and feeling very much like someone in Law and Order about to discover the scene of the crime. Before he could get two steps down the narrow hallway a voice made him freeze where he stood. It came from the room to his left, just a little ways down the hall.

“You said you were going to stay with me!” It was the pierced guy, Felix, and he sounded irate, “Why the fuck would you contact me?! Just to mess with me?!”

Something smashed against a wall and Nate jumped. He wanted to step in, to stop the fight, but something in the back of his mind was making him wait for Alex’s response. If that was even who he was talking to.

“You think you love this Nate guy?! Well guess what, he knows you’re trash! Jesus!” he sounded exasperated, like his patience was wearing thin, “I at least thought I’d get one last fuck from you, Alex, but I guess you’re not even good enough for that!”

Without realising he was moving, Nate barged into the room where all the commotion was happening. Two things were immediately brought to his attention; first, the room was a mess, the coffee table was upturned and smashed vases and glasses were everywhere, it looked like a warzone. Secondly, Alex was cowering in the corner like a kicked dog. Nate remembered the sound he’d heard earlier and realised it had been Alex. What the hell had this guy done to him?

“What the fuck?!” Felix pointed at Nate and the redhead saw three long scratches down his neck and one arm.

“Defensive wounds,” Nate mumbled.

“What’d you say?” Felix stepped up to him, one fist ready to attack, “What are you doing in my house?!”

“Punching you,” he mumbled again, scared that his voice would scare Alex if he shouted.

“Punchi-”

Felix didn’t get to finish his question as Nate’s fist connected with his cheek. Felix’s pierced lip split and he tumbled to the ground, eyes wide with shock. He moved to get up but the look that Nate now sported pinned him to the floor. He was like a wild animal, dangerous and predatory.

Ignoring Felix, Nate turned to face Alex, who was cowering in the corner. Now that Nate was thinking a little more clearly he could finally observe his love. His eyes were red from crying, arms wrapped around himself as tears continuously spilled down his swollen cheeks. His lip was bleeding slightly but the most shocking, the most infuriating thing about Alex’s dishevelled appearance was the fact that his trousers were around his ankles and his boxers had been torn. With clenched teeth, Nate turned back to Felix, who had managed to get to his feet. 

“I’m going to kill you,” Nate whispered matter-of-factly, his face a death mask.

He balled his fists and grabbed Felix by his collar before bringing his hand back, ready to swing. As he brought it back, however, Alex’s smaller hand wrapped around his fist and stopped him. Nate turned and looked at his broken love, a mix of rage, pity and utter helplessness marring his features.

“Don’t,” Alex croaked and shook his head, “Let’s just go. Please?”

All of the fury and anger that had clouded Nate’s brain suddenly blew away, like Alex was a soft warm breeze that was able to somehow move the earth with only a feather-light touch. The redhead dropped his hands and relaxed his shoulders, all attention now on Alex. He nodded and hooked his arm under the blonde’s arm, holding him upright as they left Felix alone in the broken house. Before he took Alex outside, Nate glanced back at the dark-haired man and spoke with poison in his words.

“If I ever see you again, if you even think about coming near Alex again, I will kill you.”

And with that he half-carried Alex out into the street and helped him into the back of Simon’s car. The elder twin’s eyes almost bulged out of his head as he took in Alex’s dishevelled appearance and he turned to his brother as Nate got into the back seat.

“What the hell happened?!”

Nate wrapped his coat around Alex and helped the younger man button his trousers, ignoring Simon’s question in favour of taking care of his love. He touched Alex’s chin gently and lifted his face so that his bright blue eyes were forced to look at him.

“Do you want us to take you to the hospital?”

Alex shook his head.

“Hospital?” Simon was leaning into the back of the Land Rover, green eyes still wide and confused, “Nathan, what’s going on?!”

“You sure?” Nate asked gently, once again ignoring his brother.

Another nod from Alex.

“Okay,” Nate wrapped a long arm around Alex’s shoulders and pulled him closer, despite the younger lad’s attempts to pull away, “Alright. Si, let’s go home.”

“Did that Felix fucker do this to him?!” Simon’s curiosity wasn’t going away and he was becoming more and more annoyed at his lack of knowledge.

“Yeah,” Nate replied, exhausted.

“Right,” Simon sat back in the driver’s seat, seemingly contemplating something. “Is that his car?”

He gestured towards the shiny ‘boy-racer’ car behind them and Alex nodded.

“Good.”

Simon turned on the engine and moved the car forwards a little before putting it in reverse and revving it with all his might. It ploughed into the car behind with an almighty BOOM! And his passengers’ mouths fell open.

“What the hell, Si?!” 

Nate rubbed his neck and made sure Alex was okay. They were both fine, just shocked.

“Sorry,” Simon shrugged, his trademark grin on his face, “Foot slipped.”

He put the car back into gear and drove away from the street, leaving Felix’s car totally and utterly wrecked.


	20. Time to Heal

Chapter Twenty: Time to Heal

As Simon drove his brother and Alex back to his apartment – he’d insisted they stay with him and Kyle for the night – he watched the pair now and then in the rearview mirror. Just an hour earlier, Nate had been terrified that Alex and his ex were getting back together and that Alex was going to leave him. It had turned out the complete opposite, however, and now the young blonde lad looked like he’d seen something traumatic. Alex’s eyes were vacant; he kept staring out of the window at nothing in particular and, despite Nate’s best efforts to try and find out what had happened, he remained silent, save for a sneeze or a sniffle now and then, as they pulled into the car park of Simon’s apartment.

Once inside, Simon and Kyle retired to their bedroom, leaving Nate and Alex to talk in the living area. Nate poured his love some water and sat down beside him on the sofa, arms hovering awkwardly as he tried to figure out how to help. He felt useless, a complete failure. After all, it was his fault Alex had gone running back to Felix. If he hadn’t made the lad feel like he was worthless none of this would have happened, he internally scolded himself. Now was not the time for self-loathing, however, he had to concentrate on helping Alex and letting him know he was loved. As Nate opened his mouth to apologise, Alex spoke up first, tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” A single, fat tear rolled down his red cheek and more followed as he looked up into Nate’s green eyes, “I’ve caused you so much trouble, I never should have accepted your help.”

Alex tugged on his sleeves and swiped at his tears angrily.

“Hey,” Nate turned so that his body was facing the smaller man, “It’s not your fault, he was mental! Of course I’d come to get you!”

Alex’s blonde hair flicked side to side as he shook his head, “No, I don’t mean tonight. I mean, I never should have come into your life! I’ve fucked everything up and I’m just dragging you down with me!”

Nate’s jaw clenched at the words Simon had used when they were camping but Alex wasn’t giving him a chance to interject.

“Jim was right, I’m useless and you’re better off without me. Everyone is!” He was shaking now, body trembling from top to toe as he sobbed dryly into his hands, “It’d be better if I just died, then you wouldn’t have to put up with me anym-”

A loud slap! interrupted Alex as Nate’s palm connected with his cheek. He hadn’t hit him hard but it was the only way he could think to stop him spiralling into hysterics. Alex stared, open-mouthed at the redhead and confusion blossomed in his bright eyes.

“Shut up,” Nate’s eyes darkened and he frowned, staring at his hands, “Don’t ever say that again.” He looked at Alex now, face softening, “How could you think that would be better? What would I do if you… If I lost you?!” His lip began to tremble and his eyelashes became moist as he tried to blink away his tears, “You can’t ever leave me, okay?”

Alex nodded, bewildered by Nate’s response, and Nate pulled him into a tight embrace.

“Don’t ever think you’re not good enough,” Nate mumbled into Alex’s tousled hair, “I love you so much.”

Finally, Alex tightened his arms around his love and nestled into his shirt, inhaling his scent. A dampness soaked into Nate’s chest as Alex sobbed quietly but he held on tight, scared that if he let go they might drift apart completely. After almost ten minutes, Alex pushed himself away from Nate and wiped the last of his tears from his face. He took a deep breath and forced something that almost resembled a smile.

“Thanks.”

A silent nod from Nate ensured the blonde that he understood. The single word didn’t seem enough gratitude for literally saving his life but it was all Alex could think to say and he knew Nate would understand. How had he been so lucky as to find this man? His heart felt full and a huge weight seemed to be lifting from his shoulders. Not completely, but like someone was slowly chipping away at the mountain that sat atop him. Somehow he’d found someone who loved him for who he was and could bring him happiness, no matter what he threw at him. Alex’s smile brightened into a genuine expression and Nate returned it.

“Sorry for slapping you,” Nate brushed his fingers against the red mark on Alex’s cheek.

“It’s okay, I needed it,” Alex placed his hand on top of Nate’s on his cheek, “You hit like a girl anyway.”

Nate chuckled, then his face turned more serious.

“That Felix guy, he didn’t do anything to you did he?” he swallowed thickly, terrified of what the answer could be.

Alex coughed a little, sure he’d caught a cold from their camping trip. He shook his head and gingerly touched his split lip, “No, just shoved me a bit.”

“And nothing else? You’re sure?” Nate’s jaw was tight as he remembered fastening Alex’s trousers in the car.

“I think he was going to…” Alex’s eyes drifted away for a moment, “But you got there first.”

“That bastard, I wish I’d hit him more. Maybe I could have used a bat or something, I’m sure Si has one somewhere.” He clenched his fists and hissed as the knuckles on his right hand split a little more, blood seeping down his fingers.

With gentle hands, Alex held Nate’s larger one and stroked the torn skin delicately.

“Why do we keep getting injured?” he laughed dryly, “Is it always like this around you? Are you secretly Rambo or something?”

“Oh yeah, can’t you tell?”

A mutual laugh lightened the mood completely and Alex yawned loudly. He stretched and got to his feet, bones aching from the oncoming cold he was almost definitely getting.

“Is it okay if I take a shower? I haven’t had one in three days.”

“Wow, disgusting,” Nate joked, “Sure it’s just down the hall.”

The redhead headed for the kitchen to find something to wash his bleeding knuckles as Alex headed for the bathroom. Simon and Kyle seemed to store things in some sort of non-logical order, however, and Nate couldn’t find so much as a plaster. Defeated, he plodded to their bedroom door and opened it, all manners dispersed when it came to his brother. The door collided with something with a bonk! and suddenly Simon’s muffled voice was streaming curse words as Nate stepped into the bedroom. 

Kyle was reclining on the double bed, laughing quietly. The reason for his laughter was Simon’s writhing form on the carpet. The older twin had obviously been eavesdropping at the door, which had whacked into his face when Nate opened it. Nate rolled his eyes.

“Serves you right, idiot.”

Simon’s hands dropped from his face, revealing a glowing red forehead, and he gave Nate the finger before standing up.

“Everything okay?”

“Oh,” Nate pulled a face, “Did you not hear what happened?”

“Hey, I’m just looking out for my little brother!” he ruffled Nate’s hair lovingly.

Nate smiled, “Everything’s fine now. Alex is using your shower.”

Simon nodded, thankful that his outburst in the woods hadn’t totally destroyed his brother’s relationship. He knew he was a little too overprotective sometimes but when it came to his twin, he really couldn’t help it. Not one to dwell on things, Simon tried to lighten the mood once more.

“And you came into our bedroom to what, get off on it? Pervert.”

A pillow whacked into Simon’s back, courtesy of Kyle, as Nate replied.

“I need something to put on my hand,” he held it up and showed them his torn knuckles, “And your kitchen is useless.”

“You looked in the kitchen?” Simon exchanged a confused glance with Kyle, “Who the fuck keeps medical things in the kitchen?”

“I do!” Nate huffed.

“Well, you’re a moron. There’s some stuff in the bathroom, I’ll go get it.”

“Alex is having a shower in there, don’t you dare.”

Simon groaned, exasperated, “Fine! Kyle’ll get it.”

“Why does that make a difference?” Nate’s hand was throbbing now and all he wanted were some painkillers and a bandage, nothing too elaborate.

“Because,” Simon pointed to Kyle, who had chosen to ignore the conversation completely and was instead squinting at his phone as he held it right up to his face to try and see it, “Kyle doesn’t have his glasses and can’t see shit. He won’t see Alex’s naked messed-up body-” Nate gave him a glare and he cleared his throat, “-sorry, he won’t see Alex’s naked scrawny body and he can just grab the stuff.”

As Nate was about to ask why he couldn’t just go and fetch the medical supplies, Alex stepped behind him, drying his hair with a towel. He held up a little plastic bag with bandages and various creams inside.

“I found this in the bathroom and thought you could use it on your hand.”

Nate dragged his good hand down his face and kissed the top of Alex’s damp head, “Thank you.”

“Well that went much smoother than I thought,” Simon pouted as the four men stepped into the lounge, “I was expecting something from Mission Impossible, Kyle hanging from the ceiling fan and stuff.”

“You’re such a freak,” Kyle poked Simon in the ribs and sat next to Alex on the large sofa as he flicked on the TV.

The twins sat at the dining table as Simon emptied out the contents of the ‘first aid bag’ and tried to figure out what was what. He’d put the bag together when he and Kyle had first moved in as an emergency kit but had never actually used anything inside it. He pulled out some latex gloves and stretched them over his hands with a snap before rummaging inside the bag and carefully laying out its contents on the table. What exactly the medical emergency he was expecting would be was beyond him; there were plasters of all shapes and sizes, aspirin, heat-relief cream, anti-bacterial hand cream, a mini sewing kit, tiny scissors, bandages and a tube of mouth ulcer ointment. Why a mouth ulcer would be an emergency he didn’t know but Simon had purposefully put it in the bag at some point.

“Right,” he cracked his knuckles and picked up the sewing kit, much to Nate’s dismay, “First thing’s first.”

“Oh you have got to be shitting me! No way are you sticking a needle in me!” Nate leaned back in the chair, damaged hand waving away from his brother’s grasp.

“Stay still while I stitch you up!”

“It doesn’t need stitching up!”

“I’m the doctor, I’ll tell you what you need!”

Nate grabbed the scissors from the bag and brandished them towards Simon, “I’ll stab your eyes out! Get back!”

“Nurse!” Simon yelled towards Kyle as he continued to try and restrain his brother, “The patient isn’t cooperating!”

Completely ignoring the idiotic ways of Simon Laird came as second nature to Kyle after years of being with him. He simply changed the channel on the TV and turned the volume up a little to drown out the twins’ arguing. Alex turned to look at the squabbling brothers, in two minds whether or not to intervene. He chose not to as Simon finally put down the needle and thread.

“Fine!” 

Simon picked up the anti-bacterial gel and squeezed a large dollop onto his gloved hand before spreading it across Nate’s knuckles. Nate hissed through his teeth but held his hand still so that Simon could work on him. It wasn’t the first time either of them had had to patch up the other; when they were young it was second nature to fish out plasters and bandages in order to hide their cuts and scrapes from their father. He hadn’t exactly been the perfect dad. 

Once Simon had wrapped a bandage around Nate’s hand as best he could he put away the ‘emergency’ kit and opened the kitchen cupboard as Nate joined the others on the sofa. They were watching something about botched tattoos and piercings and neither of them looked like they were particularly enjoying it. One guy on the screen had a bright yellow mohawk and huge gages through his ears, along with a pierced lip. Nate couldn’t help but see the resemblance between him and Felix and noticed the stiffness in Alex’s shoulders as he too made the connection. Quickly, Nate changed the channel to a programme about fishing and Alex seemed to relax a little.

“Does anyone else want pasta?” Simon asked from the kitchen as he started to boil a pan of water on the stove.

“It’s almost eleven at night,” Nate stated flatly.

“And?” Simon shrugged and waved a ladle in Nate’s direction, “Do you want pasta or not?”

“I’ll have some.” 

Alex’s sudden reply surprised the others but Simon simply nodded and poured a little more pasta into the bubbling water. Seeing Nate’s shocked expression, the blonde’s eyes widened like he’d said something wrong.

“What? I haven’t eaten in like two days!” he fidgeted with the sleeves of his shirt, blushing a little, “I felt too sick with nerves.”

In one, slightly clumsy motion, Nate enveloped him in his long arms and kissed his forehead gently. It was reassuring to know that Alex had felt the same as he had when they’d been apart and, as terrible as he knew it was, Nate was glad he’d had an unpleasant time without him. Of course he hated that Felix had tried to hurt him but he believed that if Alex and his ex had had more of a pleasant experience things may have turned out very different. 

The blonde sneezed and pulled away from Nate to cough a little. He looked a little flushed, too, like he was coming down with something.

“You look like shit, no offence,” Simon handed Alex his pasta and plonked down on the end of the sofa next to Kyle.

“Yeah,” Nate ran his hand over Alex’s forehead and through his still damp hair, “You feeling okay?”

With a mouthful of food, Alex shrugged, “It’s just a cold, I’m alright.”

“We’ll go to bed after you’ve eaten, you need some rest.”

“Just don’t fall asleep on the couch,” Simon grinned through a mouthful of pasta, “Kyle here is a sexual predator.”

Emerald eyes shot daggers at Simon to shut him up but the elder Laird continued, oblivious.

“Nate’s already fallen victim once tonight.”

Nate opened to his mouth to explain what had happened to Alex but thankfully he was too preoccupied with stuffing his face with pasta. Instead, he opted to kick his brother in the shin, causing Simon’s pasta to land hotly in his lap, a deserving conclusion.


	21. Warm Bodies

Chapter Twenty One: Warm Bodies

It was almost three in the morning when Nate was woken up by whimpering beside him. He and Alex had stayed over at Simon and Kyle’s in the spare room on the sofa bed. The blonde had seemed a little reluctant to sleep in the same bed as Nate, obviously still shaken up from the past couple of days, but he’d also been completely exhausted and hadn’t had the strength to put up much of a fight. They’d quickly fallen asleep but now, in the early hours of the morning, Alex was tossing and turning. Carefully, Nate reached out to touch Alex’ back. He’d been sleeping on the very edge of the bed, curled up around himself like he was making a cocoon but he was currently hanging off the edge and with the way he was thrashing around Nate was sure he was about to fall.

The redhead turned his love over gently so that he was more secure on the bed and flicked on the bedside lamp, illuminating the small room in a warm glow. There were beads of sweat on Alex’s forehead and he was frowning deeply, mumbling something in his sleep. 

“Hey,” Nate shook him a little, “Alex, wake up.”

Alex’s frown deepened and he squirmed away from Nate’s touch.

“Shh, Alex it’s me, wake up.”

Finally Alex’s blue eyes fluttered open and he gazed up at Nate, slightly dazed. His eyes looked puffy and sore and as he blinked, tears dropped onto his flushed cheeks. With a slender finger, Nate brushed away the tears and held Alex’s face gently but the blonde pulled away, tears still falling freely. He was trembling, his small frame shuddering as Nate tried to move a little closer to comfort him.

“It’s okay, I’m here.”

A cloak of recognition seemed to come to rest on Alex and his eyes widened a little. He crawled closer to Nate on the bed and wrapped his arms around his waist tightly, burying his head against his chest. He was still trembling but it began to ease as Nate gently rubbed his back.

“You alright?” Nate asked, voice quiet like he was trying to calm a scared animal.

Alex nodded, “Yeah… Just a nightmare I think.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Blonde hair flicked side to side as Alex shook his head. Nate wished he could just scoop up the bad dreams and memories from the young lad’s mind and throw them out the window, never to be seen again, but he knew it wasn’t that simple. Alex’s physical scars alone were a constant reminder of just how damaged he was. He kissed Alex’s forehead gently and ran his fingers through his shaggy hair, noticing just how warm his love seemed to be. He almost definitely had a fever. A bone-rattling cough confirmed that suspicion and Nate moved to get out of bed to fetch Alex some water. He was stopped, however, by the younger man’s hand clinging tightly to his – or rather Simon’s – shirt. Big blue eyes pleaded up at Nate.

“I’m just going to get you some water for your cough, I’ll be right back,” Nate affirmed him but Alex was in no way going to let go.

With a sigh, Nate abandoned that idea and moved back to hold Alex, letting him rest against his torso as he leaned back against the headboard. Nate’s long arms wrapped around Alex and rested in his lap, entwined with his own. Alex seemed so small in that moment, so fragile as he twiddled his skinny fingers around Nate’s own long, slender ones. Of course it was going to take time for them to adjust, to fully gain one another’s trust and open their hearts. But it was a journey and one Nate was willing to take, no matter how long it took. He squeezed Alex’s still trembling hands and leaned his chin atop his blonde locks.

“I used to have a recurring nightmare when I was little,” he started as Alex’s shoulders relaxed a little, “There was this giant mallard, a duck, and it would chase me through this playground near where we used to live.” Alex stayed quiet but Nate could feel his body thawing out as he continued his story, “In the dream it chased me to the slide, the swings and even the roundabout until it cornered me. Then, when I couldn’t run away, it shot potatoes out of its arse at me like a machine gun.”

Alex almost choked as he burst into laughter and began to cough, a wide grin spreading across his pale face. When the coughing ceased he turned to look at Nate, who seemed somewhat offended that his childhood trauma was such a laughing matter. 

“Aren’t dreams supposed to mean something? Like our deepest desires or something?” Alex asked, a cough still tickling his throat.

Nate shrugged, “Fuck knows. I don’t desire to be target practise for duck-arse potatoes if that’s what you mean.”

“Probably means you wanted to have sex with your mother or something,” Alex teased as Nate noogied him.

The rest of the night was uneventful, the pair fell asleep in each other’s arms and were only woken up when Nate heard the TV turn on in the lounge at around seven-thirty. Feeling more refreshed than he thought he would, Nate opened his eyes and blinked up at the unfamiliar ceiling, utterly confused for a moment until he remembered where he was. Beside him, Alex was snoring softly, his head resting on Nate’s arm. He still looked a little sick but at least he wasn’t having anymore nightmares. 

As carefully as he could, Nate untangled himself from his love and stepped out of the bedroom into the lounge where Simon was sprawled across the sofa in his work suit. Whenever he saw his brother dressed up like that, Nate couldn’t help but compare him to their father and that always brought a sour taste to his mouth. Although he had a lot of fond memories of his dad, he hadn’t reacted well to Simon being gay and had beaten him senseless when he found out. It wasn’t something the pair talked about but Nate was sure Simon put on a brave face whenever their father was mentioned. He shook the thought away and launched himself into a belly-flop directly across his twin’s lap, much to Simon’s annoyance.

“Christ, Nathan! You’re not ten anymore! You’re like a pet elephant!” He pressed his palm to Nate’s face and shoved him off of his lap.

Nate huffed childishly and shoved his foot into Simon’s face, “Idiot.”

“Moron.”

“Freak.”

“Gay.”

They both laughed as Kyle joined them on the sofa carrying a plate of toast, which was soon devoured by the redheads before he could grab a slice for himself. Used to the pair’s antics, Kyle simply sighed and reached for the remote hoping for something interesting on the television. After almost a minute of trying to change the channel, however, nothing was happening.

“I think the remote needs some new batteries,” Kyle prodded Simon in the face with the remote until he took notice.

For a moment, neither Simon nor Nate said a word. Then, with a stupid smile across his face, Simon pointed to said remote and stated quite plainly,

“That’s the house phone.”

Kyle flushed crimson and groaned loudly, “I need my glasses.”

“Aww,” Simon yanked Kyle by his arm and dragged him onto his lap so that the smaller man was facing him, straddling his legs, “Poor ickle Kyle can’t see anything!”

“I don’t need glasses to see that you’re an idiot.”

Kyle stuck out his tongue but Simon shut him up with a kiss, which Nate pretended not to see as he stared intently at the TV. After their little make-out session, Simon got to his feet and grabbed his coat, looking every bit the businessman. He gave Kyle one last smooch and whacked his hand to the back of Nate’s head.

“I’m off to work, see you later Kyle! Oh and Nate, wash my pyjamas before you give them back. You’re gross.”

“Wow, rude,” Nate waved over his shoulder as Simon left and Kyle quickly made himself busy with the washing up.

“Do you want some breakfast?” Kyle asked as he scrubbed at a plate.

It was obvious he was trying to be hospitable but Nate knew how much he liked his own space; he worked from home and had kicked Simon out numerous times when he’d been busy painting.

“No, thanks,” Nate got to his feet, “I’ll go wake Alex up and we’ll get something on the way home.”

Much to Nate’s surprise, Alex was already up and dressed when he went to wake him. He looked like he had flu; his eyes were red, as was his nose, and he kept coughing every few seconds. When he spoke, his voice was gravelly and rough and he looked like he was sweating as his hair stuck to his forehead in various places. Before Nate could ask him how he felt, the blonde smiled thinly and spoke, or rather croaked.

“I know, I look like death.”

“Well not death exactly,” Nate corrected him, “Maybe like… near death.” He stepped over to him and lifted his chin gently so that Alex’s baby blues were looking up at Nate’s emeralds, “But seriously, we should go home so you can rest. I’ll get you some aspirin or something too.”

Alex simply nodded and they made their way out, thanking Kyle as they left and assuring him that they’d wash his and Simon’s pyjamas before they gave them back. The artist looked somewhat relieved that they were leaving and Nate felt the same relief as he thought about getting back to his own home, his own bed.

The walk wasn’t too far to his house and Alex had assured Nate that he wouldn’t drop dead on the way there, however how accurate that estimation was Nate wasn’t so sure. The blonde seemed to be leaning on him more and more as they walked and by the time they got to the convenience store on the corner of Nate’s street, Alex looked like he might crumble like paper and be scattered by the wind. Nate propped him up like a damp umbrella outside the store and darted inside like a crazed person. He grabbed anything he could find for flu and coughs and practically threw his money at the cashier before legging it back outside. Thankfully, Alex was still propped upright and the pair stumbled down the street to Nate’s house. An old lady from across the road gave them a disapproving look and clicked her tongue as they passed whilst mumbling under her breath.

“Young’uns these days, getting drunk at all times of the day!”

Nate’s teeth ground together and he turned to her, ginger hair almost aflame, “He’s not drunk you old mushroom!” And with that he helped Alex into the house, leaving the old lady to gape like a dying fish in the street.

“’Mushroom’?” Alex questioned Nate’s insult, a pale eyebrow cocked.

“It’s all I could think of in the moment!” 

Alex flopped onto the couch and watched as Nate dumped his spoils from the shop onto the carpet. He must have just picked up anything that looked somewhat medicinal as there was anything and everything hidden in the pile. Gingerly, like he was touching something dirty, Alex picked up a rectangular packet and held it up to Nate.

“Well, I didn’t want to tell you yet but yes, I am pregnant.”

For a moment Nate’s face seemed to express every emotion possible until he finally looked at the item in Alex’s hand. A pregnancy test.

“I just picked up everything! I didn’t realise that was even there!”

Alex’s reply was lost in another ferocious coughing fit as Nate grabbed a bottle of cough syrup and struggled to open the childproof top. After finally getting the top off, he ordered Alex to open his mouth and spooned some of the foul-smelling goop onto his tongue. The blonde made a disgusted face but felt the thick liquid sliding down his scratched throat soothingly. He thanked Nate groggily and leaned back on the couch, eyes drifting shut. Nate joined him and gently guided his love’s head to his lap, so that Alex was lying across the sofa. Silently, Nate stroked his hair as Alex began to snore softly and the pair stayed like that for hours, just comfortable in one another’s presence.

After a couple of hours sitting in the same position, Nate’s knee had started to throb and he knew he needed to get up and walk around a little. He decided that it was about time they had some lunch, if Alex was up for eating, and tried his best to get up without disturbing him. His best was not good enough, however, and Alex stirred from his nap, big blue eyes squinting up at the redhead.

“Sorry,” Nate apologised, “My legs have seized up.”

Still a little dazed, Alex nodded and sat up as he rubbed his eyes. Finally Nate was able to stand up, albeit a little wobbly, and headed to the kitchen to rustle up something to eat. He found chicken soup, a classic cold remedy if ever there was one, and started to heat it on the stove. Much to his surprise, Alex joined him in the kitchen and sat at the small table, watching Nate as he stirred the soup now and then.

“Chicken soup?” the blonde asked as he smelled the air.

Nate nodded, “That okay?”

“Mhmm...” 

Without realising he was even behind him, Nate suddenly felt Alex’s thin arms around his waist and he flinched, surprised by the sudden contact. The spoon flicked soup onto the counter and Nate cleared his throat loudly, cheeks flushed. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy with the contact, quite the opposite actually, it was just unexpected.

“Give me a heart attack why don’t you,” Nate stammered as he wiped up the drips of soup, his blonde limpet still attached.

“Sorry,” Alex nuzzled his face into Nate’s back, “I just wanted to be near you.”

Nate groaned loudly and turned to face Alex, “Will you behave! You’re ill and I only just got you back! Also I think you might be delirious you nutter.”

Blue eyes widened, a little shocked, “Sorry,” he let go of Nate’s waist and stepped back a little, “I know it’s too fast.”

Nate shook his head vigorously, “No! It’s not fast enough!” He ran his hand through his hair and sighed, “I want you to touch me, hell I want to touch you! But if I start I know I won’t be able to stop and I don’t want to scare you away again! And you’re poorly so I really can’t start this sort of thing because you’ll end up even sicker!”

Shocked, yet brimming with happiness, Alex stepped closer to Nate once again and smiled wryly.

“Okay. No touching until I’m better.”

Realising he’d basically cock-blocked himself, Nate groaned once again and turned back to the soup. He stirred it like he was violently attacking the poor chicken and Alex chuckled to himself, looking forward to when he felt better.


End file.
